This is the worst time of year for my depression anyway, but it hurts so much that my needs are not getting met. Needs like: friendship, intellectual stimulation, acceptance, financial security, career fulfillment, creative fulfillment, the ability to pursue what I enjoy doing, personal/professional success, sexual fulfillment etc.

The worst part is there's nothing I can do now to get any closer to having those fulfilled. I just get tired of most of my spare time being spent alone and bored. Even being around other people/going to events, I'm frequently alone and bored, so I don't go to as many anymore. I'd simply work more in order to avoid being alone and bored, but I'm afraid I'll just get stressed out.

Take tonight for example: literally NO ONE to talk to. I've tried watching TV, playing video games, reading, working on creative projects (they just seem like too much work for little to no return right now) and nothing really helps me feel less bored.

The only thing(s) I want to do right now is anything that could begin to lead to more career/creative fulfillment. There's nothing I can do where I'm at (as in physical location) right now. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do, other than just wait that is. If I'm completely incapable of having any fulfillment or needs met, then I don't see any reason I should continue living year after year like this.

[8Loop]

I can relate. I am going though something similar. I don't know if you want any suggestions or to vent.

I would take suggestions if there was anything to suggest. I mean, is there at least something I can fill my time with so I can forget I'm bored and have little fulfillment in my life and no way to actually achieve anything I want to do? Should I just spend my spare time asleep?

[Blues47]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

is there at least something I can fill my time with so I can forget I'm bored and have little fulfillment in my life and no way to actually achieve anything I want to do?

I've done that for decades. You'd have to know what interests you that you can maintain as a routine. I got into some solo type sports when I was young that I was able to turn into compulsive distractions in my depressive adult years. It helps pass the time I suppose.

[8Loop]

I find that starting to learn a new skill helps with boredom. Even if you don't intend for it to lead anywhere. For example I find distraction on Khan Academy, which gives you points and allows you to get a new avatar the more you learn. On the other hand it is okay to not achieve something significant in a day, if you find yourself getting frustrated thats okay, be frustrated. If going to sleep is what you need to do, do that. I hear that you are having a tough time and I want you to know that you are not alone.

[Winterbritt]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

I would take suggestions if there was anything to suggest. I mean, is there at least something I can fill my time with so I can forget I'm bored and have little fulfillment in my life and no way to actually achieve anything I want to do? Should I just spend my spare time asleep?

I spent a lot nights like that. Just going crazy with restless dissatisfied energy. I can relate.

I tried for a really long time to fix my life. I spent years and years trying to cheer myself up in every way I could think of. Activities, and learning new things and trying to meet people and dating and etc etc. Looking back, I think it was good of me to have hope and keep trying, but I can tell you I was just dragging my same dissatisfied mind around with me everywhere I went. It was sad Brittany on a date. Sad Brittany at the park. Sad Brittany petting puppies at the pet store. For years. It felt like there was no way out. And constantly putting Sad Brittany in happy situations and not being happy there just magnified the fact that I wasn't happy.

I never found any relief until I started questioning my thoughts. And now I can feel happy and peaceful and excited anywhere anytime I want. I found that my internal life had very very little to do with my external circumstances.

So my advice, from the place where I've found peace and happiness and contentment and hope and excitement about the future, I would say question your thoughts. All of the statements you said in your original post. I would deconstruct your negative beliefs about your life and about the world and then see what happens to your life and the way you feel about it. It sounds like you have time on your hands and nothing to lose. So why not try it?

I'm not saying you're wrong about your life and your situation, I'm just saying there are multiple ways to look at something. Your way makes you miserable. So many check out your options.

Some of the stuff on my blog is about questioning your thoughts. Like this one. People Suck - Is it true? I know it sounds like bull at first but it worked for me. You can also check out Byron Katie on Youtube. I learned the method from her and she has some videos walking people through it. She has an actual step by step process that you work through and a worksheet you can fill out.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. You could consider a life coach.

[Reco man]

Are you currently being treated for Depression? I didn't see anything about it in your post. Depression is treatable and there is a high success rate in those that want to get better. What that tells me is that there is HOPE. Look up some success stories. You may find some motivation from someone who is winning their battle.

Drugs and therapy never did much in the past. Besides, how is that supposed to help (especially drugs) when it's life circumstances that cause my mood? The only thing that's chemical is this part of the year it gets worse because of the time change, but even if I got drugs tomorrow, by the time the kick in, I'll most likely be better.

No amount of drugs or even therapy (in most cases) is going to make me happy about not being able to get married, pursue the career I want, pursue dreams I've had since I was a teenager (which I won't even state because people think they're dumb), being bi/queer, not being able to have friends (don't connect with people enough). Even though I like the job I have, I'm made to feel ashamed because I'm supposed to have a "better" job. I'm hoping I won't have to feel ashamed anymore when I become a real teacher. The thing is, I have a doctorate, but teaching certification is difficult/expensive where I live. Besides, I don't want to teach here and there's little to no jobs anyway.

So yeah, just sick and tired that I'm supposed to feel ashamed that I'm not supposed to be what everyone else expects me to be.

[ravencrow]

I'm sorry to hear you feel this way. It's common especially with depression i am feeling this; way now
everything is a struggle while the good
Feelingz don't last long��

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

This is the worst time of year for my depression anyway, but it hurts so much that my needs are not getting met. Needs like: friendship, intellectual stimulation, acceptance, financial security, career fulfillment, creative fulfillment, the ability to pursue what I enjoy doing, personal/professional success, sexual fulfillment etc.

The worst part is there's nothing I can do now to get any closer to having those fulfilled. I just get tired of most of my spare time being spent alone and bored. Even being around other people/going to events, I'm frequently alone and bored, so I don't go to as many anymore. I'd simply work more in order to avoid being alone and bored, but I'm afraid I'll just get stressed out.

Take tonight for example: literally NO ONE to talk to. I've tried watching TV, playing video games, reading, working on creative projects (they just seem like too much work for little to no return right now) and nothing really helps me feel less bored.

The only thing(s) I want to do right now is anything that could begin to lead to more career/creative fulfillment. There's nothing I can do where I'm at (as in physical location) right now. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do, other than just wait that is. If I'm completely incapable of having any fulfillment or needs met, then I don't see any reason I should continue living year after year like this.

How well do you take care of your basic needs such as food, diet and sleep?

[seeminglyreal]

holy ****. I honestly could have written this. I'm going through exactly the same thing. I enjoy doing things and going out sometimes, but it's not fulfilling to do it alone. I transferred schools and I'm finding it impossible to make a connection with anyone. no one seems willing to let me in. I dream of traveling somewhere, but it's impossible when you're poor and have to choose between eating and making rent. I go places but my loneliness drowns me, so I go back home where no one is waiting and consume mindless entertainment until my eyes are sore and my mind is numb.
sorry for the rant. but I feel your pain. I really do. hope you'll get out of this funk soon. it sucks.