[starryprince]

Hey all. I hope you're having a good weekend. I haven't been on here in a while because things have been very up and down for me.

I'll try to make this short. I have a friend, and hes a terrific and genuine guy who's always there for me. I'm always there for him as well, and I try my best to be there for him because 1) he's a great friend and 2) relationships should be balanced. However, I have recently started becoming annoyed with him because he tells me about his problems that are...Well, it's hard for me to consider them problems. I've always thought every problem is significant but now I'm not too sure. I know I'll sound petty for this but I can't help it.

His problems this past weekend were having difficulty playing a videogame and not getting a poster for his girlfriend.

I don't want to compare problems but...I kind of wish I had those problems, you know? I'm a bit envious of him. You know those people who things just sort of work out for? That's him. Meanwhile, I really only know what it's like to struggle. Nothing has come easy for me. I don't even know what it's like to have a significant other. I have been looking for a job for a year so I can save up and move out and away from my grandmother who was sexually and emotionally abusive and who just doesn't like me because of my sexual orientation. I also want to move out so I'd know what it is like to live in an apartment that didn't have mold and wasn't infested with roaches and mice and that had heat in the winter time. That's all I know. I'm still healing from all of my trauma, which has messed up how I interact with people and I am really beginning to notice that as I get older (I'm trying my best to recover from that; therapy helps somewhat). I wish I could have my gender reassignment surgery now but I have to wait a while, till spring 2018 for just the consultation. So my gender dsyphoria is pretty intense. Those are actually my usual everyday problems, and I thrive as best as I can. I've been feeling lonely and disconnected and that empty feeling I had is back.

I don't want this to seem like a "who has it worse" competition but I'm beginning to believe that some problems...aren't really as significant as I thought they were.

I'm just a bit bummed because I opened up to him about a lot of deep feelings I never spoke about to anyone and I don't open up like that. We were talking about it...only for him to not respond to part of what I wrote because he was upset that he his videogame was so difficult and that he's sad about not getting a poster for his gf.

I'm aware that I'm coming off as a huge jerk...but I guess I'm just kind of sad. I wish my life was easier. =/

I hate feeling like this because I feel horrible for having these feelings. I hate being judgmental, and he's such a good friend, you know. But I honestly can't help it.

Does anyone ever get jealous of how much easier a person's life is than yours? Am I wrong for being like this...? Thanks for reading. I appreciate it.

[cryingontheinside]

I don't think you are alone in your thinking . those two problems mentioned are so minor compared to what a lot of us face .
Its not his fault that he hasn't got bigger problems but to be honest I'm jealous of him if that's all the problems he ever has lol . he probably should not of mentioned it after you telling your deep bigger problems to him ., but nobody is perfect .
Yes it also seems unfair that some of us struggle with life while others glide through it . don't feel like a bad person for thinking that way

[CepheidVariable]

I just wanted to echo and agree with what cryingontheinside posted. I don't have any more to add to that beyond my support and best wishes.

You're not a jerk at all! I very much liked what you said. I feel that way too. I have my friend. He says that he has never struggled with depression and anxiety. He does not understand it when I feel that way. There are times he just tells me to STOP IT! I've had friends in the past who felt the same way I do. I miss them.

He's happily retired and loaded. He can take nice trips and lives in a fairly nice house. His sister once told me that he could have lived in a much better house and area because he's loaded. I can't even picture myself traveling, never mind retiring. There are times that he and I would not get together on the weekends because he has friends and stuff to do. He's all that I got.

My life is OK, though. I feel like I have it much better than many others. But I know that there are many others that are doing better than I am. For some reason, as I've gotten older, it does not bother me that much anymore.

[Winterbritt]

You said you "really only know what it's like to struggle." But it sounds like you want to change your circumstances and this guy has it pretty easy it sounds like. Have you considered that maybe being around this guy and seeing his problems that seem minor might give you a valuable perspective on where you're trying to go in life? Even though it might feel frustrating considering your current situation?

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I don't think you are alone in your thinking . those two problems mentioned are so minor compared to what a lot of us face .
Its not his fault that he hasn't got bigger problems but to be honest I'm jealous of him if that's all the problems he ever has lol . he probably should not of mentioned it after you telling your deep bigger problems to him ., but nobody is perfect .
Yes it also seems unfair that some of us struggle with life while others glide through it . don't feel like a bad person for thinking that way

Yes, he's a great guy! He is jusy very lucky in many aspects. He's supportive but just very naïve on certain things. ^__^;; Thank you for the validation!

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

I just wanted to echo and agree with what cryingontheinside posted. I don't have any more to add to that beyond my support and best wishes.

Thanks so much for the well wishes! I send you my support, too.

Originally Posted by will19

You're not a jerk at all! I very much liked what you said. I feel that way too. I have my friend. He says that he has never struggled with depression and anxiety. He does not understand it when I feel that way. There are times he just tells me to STOP IT! I've had friends in the past who felt the same way I do. I miss them.

He's happily retired and loaded. He can take nice trips and lives in a fairly nice house. His sister once told me that he could have lived in a much better house and area because he's loaded. I can't even picture myself traveling, never mind retiring. There are times that he and I would not get together on the weekends because he has friends and stuff to do. He's all that I got.

My life is OK, though. I feel like I have it much better than many others. But I know that there are many others that are doing better than I am. For some reason, as I've gotten older, it does not bother me that much anymore.

I actually can relate to some of the things you've said! I also have a friend and she's the only person I hang out with, besides this friend in my post. They're both great people, but they have their own group of friends, so I feel really lonely a lot.

I'm sorry he told you to just stop it. That's literally not how depression works. Not at all. I wish people were more educated on mental health.

Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope you're doing okay.

Originally Posted by Winterbritt

You said you "really only know what it's like to struggle." But it sounds like you want to change your circumstances and this guy has it pretty easy it sounds like. Have you considered that maybe being around this guy and seeing his problems that seem minor might give you a valuable perspective on where you're trying to go in life? Even though it might feel frustrating considering your current situation?

You're right, I do want to change my circumstances, which is why I'm a very hard worker, but I wish I saw some payback, you know? I work hard because I want my life to be better, and so I can help out my mom because she deserves it. I got my masters degree in forensic mental health counseling last year and I've been looking for a job ever since so I can finally start my own life. The problem is that I'm underexperienced because of my age and lack of job experience, but I'm overexperienced because of my degree, which is really weird. So I've been in a state of limbo. I'm not too sure what you mean, though...Do you mean that seeing his problems as minor might sort of make me feel better because I'm trying so hard and it may pay off in the end? Sorry if I misunderstood you. I think I get it but I have a difficult time phrasing it. But you did make me think of something. Seeing him get things so easily and seeing him not work hard sometimes makes me appreciate the things I've received more, because I earned them and I worked hard for them. I THINK that might be what you mean? If so, then thanks a lot for mentioning it. It's a nice perspective to see things from. I have to try to remember that.

[Turtle_Rider]

No, you're not a jerk. I envy others almost every day. Sometimes, life is not fair. Some people are struggling a lot, some are very lucky they live like princesses in Disney's stories.

There's one thing that makes me feel better: seeing people who struggle more than I do. I'm not being a jerk though maybe you see me as one now. The reason is it makes me realize that I still blessed. It makes me appreciate what I have now.

[rusingle]

I always think I have the worst problems,then somehow,I fund a way to see ut for what it really is,which usually is a severe distraction.The answer is there but I seem to want to be distracted by the problem.Uf U can stop thinking about the problem it makes it easier to bring it to a positive concusion.And then,the cycle begins again.I need to skip the negativity and worry abd move more swiftly to the proper conclusion.

[Sunflower123]

Your feelings are valid. You’re not wrong to feel the way you do. His problems are minor compared to yours and it makes your struggle that much more pronounced. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Sending big hugs.

[dexter]

Don't forget that his "trivial" problems are still very real to him. I wouldn't criticize him about it but I certainly wouldn't hesitate to vent here about it for some relief and validation. It is certainly acceptable to feel the way you do. Don't fret it but hope that venting here gives you some relief and allows you to enjoy the good parts about your friendship.

[Winterbritt]

Originally Posted by starryprince

Yes, he's a great guy! He is jusy very lucky in many aspects. He's supportive but just very naïve on certain things. ^__^;; Thank you for the validation!


Thanks so much for the well wishes! I send you my support, too.


I actually can relate to some of the things you've said! I also have a friend and she's the only person I hang out with, besides this friend in my post. They're both great people, but they have their own group of friends, so I feel really lonely a lot.

I'm sorry he told you to just stop it. That's literally not how depression works. Not at all. I wish people were more educated on mental health.

Thanks a lot for your reply. I hope you're doing okay.


You're right, I do want to change my circumstances, which is why I'm a very hard worker, but I wish I saw some payback, you know? I work hard because I want my life to be better, and so I can help out my mom because she deserves it. I got my masters degree in forensic mental health counseling last year and I've been looking for a job ever since so I can finally start my own life. The problem is that I'm underexperienced because of my age and lack of job experience, but I'm overexperienced because of my degree, which is really weird. So I've been in a state of limbo. I'm not too sure what you mean, though...Do you mean that seeing his problems as minor might sort of make me feel better because I'm trying so hard and it may pay off in the end? Sorry if I misunderstood you. I think I get it but I have a difficult time phrasing it. But you did make me think of something. Seeing him get things so easily and seeing him not work hard sometimes makes me appreciate the things I've received more, because I earned them and I worked hard for them. I THINK that might be what you mean? If so, then thanks a lot for mentioning it. It's a nice perspective to see things from. I have to try to remember that.

Nice! I can't remember exactly what I meant when I said that. I just kinda feel like the people in our life have a purpose, to teach us something and help us on our journey. So whenever I have a problem with someone I start looking for the lesson. It sounds like you've figured out what the lesson is from your friend. That's awesome

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Turtle_Rider

No, you're not a jerk. I envy others almost every day. Sometimes, life is not fair. Some people are struggling a lot, some are very lucky they live like princesses in Disney's stories.

There's one thing that makes me feel better: seeing people who struggle more than I do. I'm not being a jerk though maybe you see me as one now. The reason is it makes me realize that I still blessed. It makes me appreciate what I have now.

That actually makes a lot of sense. Sometimes we see other people who have more problems than we do and it makes us grateful for what we have. It's kind of bittersweet. Like, "I'm grateful for what I have but I feel silly for complaining about my problems", you know? Feelings are so complicated. >__< Thanks for your reply!

Originally Posted by rusingle

I always think I have the worst problems,then somehow,I fund a way to see ut for what it really is,which usually is a severe distraction.The answer is there but I seem to want to be distracted by the problem.Uf U can stop thinking about the problem it makes it easier to bring it to a positive concusion.And then,the cycle begins again.I need to skip the negativity and worry abd move more swiftly to the proper conclusion.

That actually makes a lot of sense. I'll try to remember that, thanks a lot!

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Your feelings are valid. You’re not wrong to feel the way you do. His problems are minor compared to yours and it makes your struggle that much more pronounced. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Sending big hugs.

Thanks a lot, I hope so, yoi!

Originally Posted by dexter

Don't forget that his "trivial" problems are still very real to him. I wouldn't criticize him about it but I certainly wouldn't hesitate to vent here about it for some relief and validation. It is certainly acceptable to feel the way you do. Don't fret it but hope that venting here gives you some relief and allows you to enjoy the good parts about your friendship.

Well...Now, that's why I feel bad. It's exactly what I said in my original post. I always believed that all problems were problems, meaning all problems were significant. I know his problems are real to him and I sympathize but I'm not going to have him compare his problems to mine. If there are two problems and one of them can get you killed and the other can't, well...Clearly one problem has more layers than the others. I actually had to talk to him about him trivializing MY problems because he kept simplifying my gender identity issues, and he took the talk really well. He has a tendency to simplify things. Like when he asked me if racism and homophobia ACTUALLY existed, when I was talking to him about the racism and homophobia I'VE experienced. That's what I mean. He's a very simple person, which can be great sometimes but not other times.

Like I said, he's a great friend but he's not perfect, just like how I'm not perfect.

Venting on here still makes me feel horrible but at least some people can understand, so that's good. I always feel bad for venting on here (which is why I took a break, that and life is weird) but sometimes I can't just talk to myself.

Thanks, and I hope you've been well, Dexter!

[starryprince]

Originally Posted by Winterbritt

Nice! I can't remember exactly what I meant when I said that. I just kinda feel like the people in our life have a purpose, to teach us something and help us on our journey. So whenever I have a problem with someone I start looking for the lesson. It sounds like you've figured out what the lesson is from your friend. That's awesome

That's so true! I believe that as well! I've met some bad people and I try to figure out why they came into my life, like what did I have to learn from them. I had to do that with a very toxic person I met and who I had deep feelings for. So what you said is spot on. Sometimes people come into your life for reason. Not all the time but sometimes, you know? It's a very good thought to keep in the back of your mind, you're right.