Should I force myself to write?

Writing has always been a big part of my life. Not poetry. Fiction. Always long works of fiction.

It's not easy, with a stressful job, but I always managed to do at least an hour a day, and a lot more than that on days off.

Since I got depressed, I haven't written at all.

Now, I have a weekend free and I have no idea if I should push myself to do some.

It's mentally gruelling. I'm always trying to push to improve myself so it's never what I'd describe as pleasure.

Also, the piece I'm working on has a couple of harrowing scenes, not dissimilar to scenes in my own past.

I really want to finish it.

Will it break my head?

I used to write fiction as well. But for awhile now I haven't been able to, due to lack of motivation.

I'd say try and force yourself to write. I know I need to force myself as well. Because if you don't, you will never do it.

As for scenes similar to your past. If it gets too overwhelming take breaks. Then continue writing.

My last story I started writing had triggering subjects for me. I had to take breaks because I'd get really depressed if I didn't stop and take breaks.

Really seems like a chicken/egg question - is it the no writing which led to depression or vice-versa. Perhaps the only way to know is to start, and if it gets to be too much, walk away from it for a bit. When I was i the deepest of my depression, I had a friend suggest to me that I could make small moves in each day, such as making my bed or folding socks. It helped to start small. I'm actually working on that path again as I am in the throes of it. Long and short of it is that if you can, do it. Best to you with this struggle.

Thanks to both of you.

No, the not-writing didn't trigger the depression. But I wondered if putting myself under that extra mental strain (of making myself write every spare second I had) might have pushed me over the edge?

It's interesting that you both say to do it.

I'm not blocked, as such. And the difficult scenes are already written (they nearly killed me).

I'm at the editing stage, which means I have to visualise the whole novel, every part, simultaneously. It's like keeping a thousand plates spinning in the air all at the same time. As soon as I start, I'll be my usual obsessive self with it. It seems like a massive act of concentration to me right now, looking at it from the outside.

It is ironic; writing helps, but hurts too.

I used to write fiction, poetry (some) but haven't in years. However I know how you feel, I do voicework (books) for a under the table operation. They sent me a recent script and I love acting/voicework but I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it ( I have had the script two weeks now), have to do it this weekend, I know they need it. And in case your wondering, it's nothing shady the guys who listen to the books wanted to hear books with more action and stuff so a lot of westerns, like dimestore westerns, cussing and the works.

Ha ha, no, I didn't think it was anything shady.

Yes, that sounds similar. Acting. Opening yourself up. I hope you manage to find a way into it.

Thanks Fuzzy Bear.

That helps.

Could you come to my house and stand next to my desk dancing like that?

I can offer a wide selection of cakes and ice cream.

I can't force myself to write, I have gradually been writing more since coming off meds but it still only happens when the mood takes me. Writing authentically can be very exposing, it really opens you up, I don't think there is any way round that, and that's probably how it should be, if you want what you write to be what you want to write. Sorry I don't know how to make it not hurt. Only that for some of us it is necessary to go through that.

Thanks Carmina.

Yeah, I do open myself up. The hardest parts reduce me to a gibbering wreck. It's not nice, but I'm not afraid of that.

I think I must have sensed the depression was coming, because I'd been really pushing it, writing when exhausted, writing all day, for months.

I seem to be having the urge to do it, but something in me is saying don't overwork yourself again.

Although I find casual writing enjoyable, writing an actual novel seems so daunting. I'm impressed.

Maybe you should limit yourself to an hour or two a day, no matter how you feel at the time?

Sometimes I get fixated and will work on a project almost constantly to the exclusion of other things, which I defer. It often feels productive and happy at first. But it tends to shrink my world and make me more susceptible to various mood swings. Maintaining variety in life is important.

But of course, "If you believe it is a work of genius, then you may lose a thousand pounds."

Thanks Cep. Well, it's definitely not a work of genius. It's quite a horrible thing, in a way. But at least it's my horrible thing.

Yes. Just start writing and let it take you.

Thanks for the encouragement. I will.

There's a lot to be said for that.
Good for you!

I got my script completed, it's acting on the very basic level, I am alone in a room just recording my parts, I don't even see the other's lines, more like dramatic reading.

That's great, Wish.

Hi PVB—have you started? Have you thought about writing short stories?

I hope you’re able to get back into it