[Kote]

So about six or seven weeks ago my dog died on my sisters 18th birthday. Before that, I was happy, content with where I was in life. But when he died, I started thinking. I'm 27, I work in a warehouse that I don't enjoy, with people I don't like. I get paid $13/hr which is more than most people here, but Southern California is expensive and I'm also about $4,000 in debt.

So the week after my dog died was one of the worst weeks of my life. I reevaluated everything & felt like a failure. I have no significant other, a job I dislike, no career, no savings, no plan for the future while my friends who are all a couple of years younger than me seem to have it all figured out. My anxiety was killing me. I couldn't sleep, I felt like I was high on adrenaline a lot of the time, and I stopped smoking marijuana because I was looking for a new job, I applied to a million places but only got one interview & no offers.

I eventually made a plan. To get out of my debt then go to a coding bootcamp part time after work and on weekends. I felt a lot better. But I still have bouts of depression. Times where I lose the will to live, questioning the point of even living, wishing that I would not wake up in the morning. Now, I won't actually harm myself. I know this. I couldn't do that to my mother, my sisters, and my other dogs. But it doesn't stop me from feeling this way. My mother knew that my anxiety was really bad and I even cried while she hugged me in the morning before we left for work a few times.

Yesterday she asked why I was crying. I just I hate my job, stress, & anxiety. But today I finally told her what I was really feeling. We both cried a lot, there were a lot of hugs, and her reassuring me that everything was going to be ok. She encouraged me to talk to a therapist but I just can't afford it. It made me feel a lot better telling her these things, like I didn't have to hide it anymore, but I still feel these feelings. I just can't help it sometimes and I don't know what to do.

Sorry for the novel but I just really wanted to vent and get my feelings out there

[icreateidestroy]

Hi Kote,

You are only 27 years old and have your whole life ahead of you.

Don't worry, keep doing what you are doing and keep looking out for other work. If you have access to a computer and the internet, use resources like edx.org, coursera.org and khanacademy to pick courses and learn new skills.

The coding camp is good stuff, keep at it. Don't worry about a partner yet, it will all fall into place.

I am like you, only in a different job, i feel trapped where I am and depressed too (waiting for my next state of hypomania) and want to do all I have told you above.

I am hopeful and determined I will overcome this. Stay determined and good luck!

Seek professional help, and it does help to be able to talk to someone. So keep talking to your mom.

[Sunflower123]

I agree.

[Fuzzybear]

[James0805]

you can try your health insurance for a therapist, if you have insurance