Tired

Hi. I really just can't anymore. I just started college and I'm already just done. I can't find any motivation anymore. When I try to focus on work, my mind goes other places and I end up not finishing or doing it so last minute, that I'm stressed out. I'm never able to prioritize things in my life. But college work makes me feel stupid- I start to just not care. I skipped classes a lot for the past 2 weeks because I just can't find the motivation to get up in the morning. I just feel this weight and fatigue. I hate it.
I can't look people in the eye. I can't speak to ppl without zoning out and thinking about how I look. I avoid going in my room because I'm scared of my roommate (even though shes super nice). I'm just awkward in general. I just don't know what to say to people, I freeze up. Then beat myself up for it, most of the time it is outloud. Me grunting or saying "why didn't I say ___, i hate myself, why can't I be normal, (insert curse word)". It happens every. single. day. It's embarrassing.
I'm just so freaking tired. Physically and mentally just so tired from this daily cycle. It's getting worse. I notice it. My friends notice it. I have so many things I want to do but everything holds me back. Volunteering, working at my school's fashion magazine, getting a job, actually balancing college and social life. But I just suck. I hate myself.

I can relate to your struggles. Please don't beat yourself up this way. You're trying your best.

Hello,

I just started college this Fall, as well. With the new life change, my Psychotic Depression came back, and I also developed Generalized Anxiety Disorder on top of Social Anxiety. I understand the struggle to get to class, I have missed my first morning lecture 9 times already this year. However this past week I only missed one class. It is small goals like this that makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something, so doing things similar to this may also help you out.

Every time I am explaining something to a professor, or a friend I am noticeably stuttering and trying to grasp my own thoughts, and it sucks I know. I keep on pushing through these obstacles, and am hoping that my Psychiatrist will figure out the best medication combination that will make me better as soon as possible.

Hang in there, and take everything in small steps, little goals that build up to bigger goals and I believe you will start to feel better in general. I hope you find your strength on these Forums!

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