[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I am done trying to find help for me. I will still try to help you guys. But I am done with me. It's obvious it just isn't supposed to happen. I will be here as much as I can though.

Take care. ❤

It is not fair that you have lost your fight because your SO (are you married?) is is sicker than you are.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

It is not fair that you have lost your fight because your SO (are you married?) is is sicker than you are.

Yes I am

[Fuzzybear]

I’m angry with your SO ...

(I don’t have any wise words )

Love ya my friend

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I’m angry with your SO ...

(I don’t have any wise words )

Love ya my friend

Love ya too My friend ❤

[Bill3]

[CepheidVariable]

I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful. I was sort of reduced to lending an ear and offering hugs.

I'm really glad to hear you'll still be around here.

I know you're probably not in the mood, but maybe it would help to just engage in some other talk. Nothing that needs to be fixed or figured out or debated. Just a pleasant conversation of some kind. I can do that. (I can tone down the silliness I exhibit in other sub-forums.)

I think you could really use a little friendly and un-stressful interaction.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

You have nothing to apologize for. You nor anybody else here did anything wrong.

"Idle banter" (that's my name for what you are speaking of) doesn't help me when I am like this. I seriously need to be able to talk - but I need to be able to talk and feel I am finding solutions. I already know the "go to" answer for abuse. If it were that simple it would be fine, but it's not, so it isn't ... and the more I try to explain the more it gets everybody (including me) upset. It isn't anyone's fault. Nobody has given bad advice or been unsupportive - its just ts like there is a "bubble" put around a person after he or she says or alludes to "abuse" - n tunnel vision sets in. I am guilty of doing the same thing at times. Its natural to want to get someone out of an abusive situation. What people forget though is that abuse is different for different people.

When I was in an abuse shelter, there was a girl there who came bc her husband would drug her n

Possible trigger:

rape her as well as break bones

- but she didn't leave at first bc everyone told her it wasn't really happening so she thought maybe it was just in her head n started seeing a therapist .. as time went on it got worse n she ended up there, there was another there who had 3 children - she had stayed bc her belief system says she is a bad person if she leaves her marriage for any reason other than infidelity .. she only left when the children became endangered. These are just 2 examples. But I also have friends who, like me, have been being abused since their childhood - and later find themselves in abusive relationships. One such friend took her abuser to court, but bc she is a USA citizen n he is a Canada citizen, the courts decided to only give him 2 months of community service. That was for severe physical abuse for which she had documented proof n witnesses. If you go to a shelter - bringing them up on charges is part of what is expected of you. Many times, abusers get off either altogether or with a very light sentence ...especially if they are a "first offender" or their lawyer can find any "questionable" areas in your life to "examine" in court. If you get a restraining order - you have to appear to get that done btw (I did it so I know) the only "protection" it provides is that you can call the cops n have them arrested. How long will it take the cops to get there? Will he still be there once they come? (That's important bc if he isn't, many times it is "well it's your word against his - have a nice day ma'am") so even those are not worth much. In court you have zero protection - plus his lawyer is tearing you apart n trying to make it appear either you wanted it or you deserved it or you hallucinated it or just made it all up. Meanwhile...lets not forget - you had to leave with little to nothing more than the clothes on your back, the important legal documentation you may have (ss card, birth certificate, bills in your name, legal action papers, etc), medication, n often times no money bc usually the abuser had obtained complete control of the $...so now you are trying to figure out how to start a new life from scratch, being ripped apart in court, lost most or all your friends n family is probably alienated too, the society around you that knows him n you is spreading rumors so you are often looked down upon anyway - and now the courts magnify more reasons to make you look bad.

So - forgive me - but yes (not trying to be mean or rude or angry - just straightforward), I would rather understand that he is trying and try to find a place he can be comfortable getting help at. Especially since the last shelter I went to - sent me right back to him anyway.

I am not blaming anyone for anything. It's just a mixed up n messed up situation I am in that I don't see how anyone can understand. If I was not in it myself, I would not fully get it. I would just keep saying "ok, you had one bad experience - but doesn't mean it will be that way this time. Isn't it worth trying?" I know the good intentions n the reasons behind it. I just don't know that anyone (anywhere) will ever truly be able to put themselves in my place and see what I am looking for is answers. I do not need advice on how to escape or why I should... I know those things. What I don't know is how I can truly help myself.

See .. I will never trust another shelter. I have been hurt by both the Salvation Army n now an abuse shelter. I barely trust the MH system bc they told him its understandable he abuses me - so he did it all the more (b4 I left him), but I am willing to try to get him into therapy again n get myself in IF we find a place with good MH help and affordable cost. I do see improvement in him so I do believe he is trying. I have 2 Chihuahuas I refuse to abandon a second time. I have nowhere to go n no finances to be able to live on my own bc of state laws regarding separation m divorce.

So ... I need answers. But I will not get them.

And it's nobody's fault. I love everybody here.

*hugs*
❤

[CepheidVariable]

Thank you for being concerned about our feelings. When I said I was sorry, I just meant I'm sad that I'm not able to help.

The rest of it is just so awful. I don't know what to say.

I guess I should say I'm not trying to be subtle here either. I think it's obvious that I want you to keep talking so that you don't feel isolated and potentially despairing. The last thing someone in your position needs is to feel they have no one else to talk to, and to be cut off from the rest of the world.

We care about you.

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I love everybody here. *hugs* ❤

Thank you.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by CepheidVariable

Thank you for being concerned about our feelings. When I said I was sorry, I just meant I'm sad that I'm not able to help.

The rest of it is just so awful. I don't know what to say.

I guess I should say I'm not trying to be subtle here either. I think it's obvious that I want you to keep talking so that you don't feel isolated and potentially despairing. The last thing someone in your position needs is to feel they have no one else to talk to, and to be cut off from the rest of the world.

We care about you.

Thank you.

Thank you for caring ❤
You are right - being cut off from the rest of the world is the last thing I need. But right now I don't see me talking doing anything except upsetting everyone. I don't want anyone upset. But like I said, I honestly don't think there's anyway anyone can fully understand this situation. It's just too complex and mixed up. I will just have to figure out my answers on my own

I want to help you guys though. Doing that makes me feel good. ❤

[Sunflower123]

Is there any kind of support group out there for women that have the same challenges? It’s true that we can’t fully understand your situation since we aren’t in your shoes. That must be frustrating. I know that you have received (as you’ve mentioned) some less than helpful responses but please know that most of the people who have responded care about you and are trying to ease your distress.

Thinking of you.

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

Thank you for caring ❤ You are right - being cut off from the rest of the world is the last thing I need. But right now I don't see me talking doing anything except upsetting everyone. I don't want anyone upset.

You don't need to worry about upsetting me. I feel for you when I hear about it, but I can handle it. Just so you know.

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I want to help you guys though. Doing that makes me feel good. ❤

Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Is there any kind of support group out there for women that have the same challenges? It’s true that we can’t fully understand your situation since we aren’t in your shoes. That must be frustrating. I know that you have received (as you’ve mentioned) some less than helpful responses but please know that most of the people who have responded care about you and are trying to ease your distress.

Thinking of you.

At some point you end up with legal action being taken with support groups here - again not something I want unless absolutely necessary for the reasons given. I am actually not alluding to the people on this site as being unsupportive, they have been - its just no matter who I talk to whether here or elsewhere nobody can give me the answers I need. It makes a person feel they are stuck in a situation merely bc they are too stupid to figure out the solution and have nothing to give them "hints" ... Like if you were lost in the wilderness with no food or water or shelter - and the only time you saw ppl was the occasional plane or helicopter that would fly by. So you knew you were being searched for - but everytime you waved your arms, nobody saw bc the foliage was too thick. Yet - you had to choose to stay where the foliage was thin n wait on the occasional plane or helicopter that came maybe once every few days with no food or water or shelter from the elements, or stay where the foliage was thick n the river was so you at least had some food n water n some protection from the elements from the canopy of leaves above you. So - you were stuck. The simple answer is to go to the higher ground with less foliage. But - how long will you be without food n water? Will you survive that? Will the elements wear you down too much so its not possible to get back for the food n water if you find yourself without too long? Will you end up missing your chance anyway bc you went back for food and water? So do you stay in the area you know you can survive albeit with great challenge n little to no hope of being rescued - or go to one there is no way to survive but you have a much greater chance of being rescued? If you knew when to expect the next rescue flight, you would know what to do - but being you don't, you don't know.

Me - I would stick to where I can survive...and just suck up the disappointment everytime the rescuers did not see me.

That's the best I can relate this situation. I know the simple answer. What I don't know - is the "right" answer. I hope that makes sense.