[jellylake]

Hi, I don't know where to put this exactly, but I needed to get this off my chest. When I was younger (around 2-4) my mom would send me to a nanny's house for the day. I remember going through two nannies, one of them having severe OCD as I later found out. I don't know which one it was who did this, but I have a vague memory of laying on my back and getting hit with a long wooden object. I also think my shirt was off, which is definitely odd. I remember I told my Godfather at the time about this maybe a month or two later, but he told me she only hit the counter with a wooden spoon. (he was never there with us, even then i felt weird about it). Anyways, after that I remember, also vaguely, or her hitting the counter but I only remembered this AFTER he told me. There were other kids at the house too, but I don't remember the nanny doing this to anybody else. Only recently has this memory been brought back and the whole situation sits with me wrong. I'm a bit of a hypochondriac, but I have some symptoms of trauma-related disorders, but I have no idea if this actually happened, or if there was more to it. I'm going through a depressive episode and those memories usually come back during times like these, plus some people from my life i want to forget are showing up in my life again so I'm just really scared.

[mote.of.soul]

Thanks for sharing jellylake. It's okay and if you like, keep sharing as it could help to ease the fears. Hopefully you will get to the truth or come to a resolution about what happened to you when you were small.

hi jellylake i know how you feel cause when i was about 10 years old i was brought with different parent as in step parents my stepmom she was a bi woman she used to abuse me 2 to 3 times a day with her outfits on pantyhose and leotard suit she was a bondage woman,and for myself i was only a 10 years old girl.as to say she was very dangerous in her outfits and i was scared of her also so i,m living my life every day thinking about why she done this to me and have never got an answer so far.

[smallbluefish]

hi jellylake, thank you for sharing this with us. echoing others above--feel free to share more if you need or want to as you continue working though this.

as for having these memories--do these flashbacks ever make you unsafe, and if so, are there things you usually do to help you until the flashback (assuming it's a flashback--let me know if this isn't the right word to describe it) passes? not necessarily ignoring it, but something to connect you to the present and keep you safe in the moment--such as calling for some company, going to a hobby when you need some peace, or even something like hugging a nice pillow. it sounds like things are confusing so I'm jut asking this to see if you're doing okay as you work through these questions.

regardless of which memories connect to your past, all this is definitely worth taking care of and I'm glad you're reaching out about it!

[jellylake]

hi smallbluefish

As for the flashbacks, I'm not really sure if that's exactly what they'd be called. They feel more like casually remembering something, but they do put me on edge a little bit. Usually what I do is listen to music and eventually it passes