Are any of you the black sheep of the family? I am and it is hard for me because I don't know how to deal with it. I just want to know how some of you deal with being the black sheep of your family. Its hard for me because Thanksgiving and christmas are coming up and I'm the black sheep of my family and I see the way they look at me. They give me the looks that say yeah, your my cousin, daughter, and niece but your not like us. I've tried to change to make them happy but in the process I've become unhappy which just makes me even more of a black sheep. Any advice would be greatly appreciated?

just be yourself and be proud of who you are.

[Perna]

I think you have to make your own "family" group. Black sheep is not just being "unwanted" -- I was that but rather being ostrasized for having done something specific "bad." My aunt refused to leave her life and come across country to take care of me and my brothers after my mother died. She was her family's black sheep. My oldest brother is ours because he lived near our stepmother when she was in assisted living but never came to visit and because he was an alcoholic and caused problems for my stepmother and father 25 years ago.

I was "unwanted" because I wasn't married (didn't get married until I was 39) and my nieces, nephews, etc. were all married and had families and I was just included because they "had" to. I was looked at with pity and as if I wouldn't "amount" to anything. I lived alone in a little efficiency apartment, didn't have a glamorous job, or anything seemingly "interesting" about me.

Join a group or pick up a hobby/activity where you will meet a few people and make a few friends. Someone will invite you for Thanksgiving (I joined a Friends of the Library group and made friends with an older, single woman and she invited me and several of her and her sister's other friends to Thanksgiving one year) and/or eventually you will have friends where you will feel comfortable enough inviting yourself to their parties, etc.

Another thing you could do is volunteer on the holiday to work at a shelter or kitchen instead of facing any "smug"/pitying family's faces such as I had.

I don't know how old you are but things did "improve" for me over the years as everyone got older. After age 30 it is hard for anyone to think of you as a "kid" or immature, etc. and look down on you; I was/felt like a real "adult" and so perceptions/feelings are better.

[salukigirl]

my dad is definately the black sheep. he is a "functional alcholic" and doesnt have a steady job. been divorced twice (and were irish catholic) and cheated on his second wife, my step-mom. whats amazing....is that his brothers and sister support him with it though. they make it seem like my step-mom was making him cheat on her and try to strangle her. theyre all crazy. and because my dad is super psycho, all of us are crazy. so between my brother, sister and i were all black sheeps lol. we all do stupid stuff. i might be getting close to that because im not religious, dont go to church, dont want to get married or have kids and i live with my boyfriend (omg! outside of marriage!!!!). but theyre pretty accepting of it.

[Mouse_]

OOOhhh I was the black sheep. BUT thats fine by me today because of it I developed many different ways to defend myself and with that also came the drive to want better, to be treated better, to want to discover the real me. I watched my brother the joy of our adoptive mothers and thought I wanted what he was getting, but even that wasn't healthy. I was pushed aside and he was emtionally raped. He still hasnt found his way out of the prison, but I have and am living my life. Its all good!

[wickedwings]

who in the heck makes being a black sheep a bad thing? intolerant and ignorant people who may actually be the "black sheep." it's an illusion pushed on you. be yourself. don't be afraid of not "fitting" in. i know it's hard, especially when you were a kid. there are many who won't judge you in this way. you have us! i lived my whole life being different because i was born deaf. but, i lived and accepted my life with my disability. sure, it's not easy, but i don't have to be someone else in order to please other people, as there's a price with that. you are an ok person. you are a wonderful human being. that's all it matters.

[Fuzzybear]

[_Hope_]

i am the black sheep of my family , i just avoid them, which is easy for me because most of them won't talk to me

[stefano]

Hm, that may sound rude, butif the climate is so hostile, you should find better people to spend vacations.

I agree with those that have said to find a "new" family, that is if you feel it is really harming your self-worth and holding you back in life.

I moved hundreds of miles away........ it's helped me in some ways.

I still hear the ghosts of my past(actually siblings and mother)--- saying, "You're such a loser, no one wants to be around you" and that I'm not worthy to go on vacations-- that's why I wasn't invited when I was little........ but at least I'm not physically around it in person now-- so it's a bit better.

wishing you strength and peace.

mandy

[sassypants]

I consider myself the Black sheep of the family. My family
thinks that if someone intentionally hurts you, it's okay.
They say I that I have a cold heart. I am also sassy.
I don't take any of that BLEEP !

I will not change FOR ANYONE, but myself. Why be a
hypocrite? if you can't be yourself.

Life is too short, to let people decide how you should act.

I hope you find a good place to be during the holidays.

Take care