[hamstergirl]

I just learned that I owe 89 dollars on my cable bill. A sweet automated voice informed me of this. And they waited until the middle of the month, when I was dead broke save for food money to do it.

My cable bill can now only be accessed on-line and I lost the password.

If they had called two weeks ago,I would have had money to give them that would have paid this bill off almost entirely. As it is, I have nothing and will have to find $89 to chop out of next month's tight budget.

I thought everything was up to date. Unfortunately, it's been a little difficult to leave the apartment to do these things. Sitting in my wheelchair is about as enjoyable as a trip to the dentist, never mind going anywhere in it, like getting groceries and the like. The rent and paying bills gets put off for days, when I used to do everything in one day.

I owe a busload of money for the ambulance too, some of the bills are months old. It can easily be fixed with a ride to the welfare office, but such a ride is now torture to me. I would not do it even if my life depended on it. The pain is too much.

Getting groceries is pointless because eating has become pointless. I'm in too much pain to want to cook anything and what I eat really doesn't seem to matter. I get infections anyway and my diet was none too good to begin with, because of my income.

If I was strong and ate the pain, I could do all this. But I'm sunk. I'm going to end up in a home soon if something isn't done about this. Not that anyone within a hundred miles cares.

I really don't need cable anymore anyway. All I do is sit around, write e-mails on how disgusting my life is and pray to be healed. That's all I do any more, nothing else. The pain has taken over everything. My life ended months ago.

I'm going to tell those morons at the cable company to disconnect me and they'll get their money soon, over a couple of months. The money I save will go to buying frozen meals from Meals on Wheels (I have to pay up here), meals that I can no longer prepare because I don't have the guts for it. I have two working hands, I should be able to manage, why can't I? Because I'm stupid and incompetant, that's why. And I was too stupid to leave middle class luxury the minute surgery to remove my hip was mentioned. Even with my father yelling at me. That's how stupid I am.

I'd really like to rant and rave, but it would trigger a lot of people.

That's all I can do: rant and rave and it will amount to nothing.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

[ghost]

unexpected bills are teh suck. believe me. i had a few doozies thrown at me a few weeks ago. (they'll just have to get in line.) i fully and wholeheartedly empathise.

can you call the welfare office and explain you're in too much pain to leave your house, and can the situations you need to be dealth with be dealt with by phone and mail?

the cable company can get in line. i just suggest you maintain internet just to have some contact with the outside world... and the support you can get from places like this. but i'm just an internet addict talking.

i'm not sure of the details of your situation but it certainly is obvious that the pain has taken over for your life. is there nothing that can be done? nothing they can give you?

are there any services in the area where you can have groceries delivered? i know one store around here (shop and save i think) let's you order groceries online and have them delivered.

you're NOT stupid. you're in pain and depressed: a horrible combination. i feel for you. I wish i could fix you. i wish life was different for you. hang in there, okay?

love and hugs,
ghost

[Peanut61]

I'm sorry everything is so frustrating right now, ((((((((((((((((((((Hamstergirl)))))))))))))))))))))... I wish I could offer some solutions...

Fondly, Peanut


<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

I truly believe that you have imprisoned yourself if not in your mind, then with it. What is your payoff? What is it that makes it worthwhile to be in such emotional torment? This is a valid question. I'm not trying to be a smart *** or to antagonize you. You called yourself "stupid" for various reasons. The ones I can remember can be undone. Why don't you do that?




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Wants2Fly]

Golly, you didn't need this one more frustration right now.

I iwish I could help with more than online hugs.

I pray you catch a break soon.