Extremely isolated, depressed, suicidal and feel like life is hopeless

I feel like nothing can fix my life. The past year has been devastating, and this past weekend, At this point I cannot eat at all, get out of bed or do anything despite normally being a very clean, workaholic.

I spent almost all day crying since Wednesday, and I scheduled all social media accounts for deletion and blocked the numbers of the few people that I talk to because I am ashamed. I take Fluoxetine for depression, but it has not been helping for months. Some of the triggers of my downward spiral are:

- I lost several friendships due to a mistake made without any malicious intent. Strangely, it happened in another country and had nothing to do with anyone I know in my area, but we became involved in several arguments and I ended several ties due to this drama. Even now, mutual friends are cutting ties with me for no reason, when I have been very good to them all.

- Was hospitalized in mid December for a ruptured ovary, and it was removed. Never had surgery before, and I still feel the trauma from surgery.

- Was told that a slow growing cancer was found, but because of my other medical bills, it is hard to seek treatment.

- Severe stress and panic over medical bills. I have over $6000 in medical debt, and although my sister set up a GoFundMe, it has only raised $500 in 2 weeks. But still VERY MUCH appreciated and grateful.

- This is a big one: I was romantically involved with a man who is 9 years younger than I am (I am 33, but I look much younger), and several days ago he told me that he lied about caring for me over the last year, and was only trying to take my virginity. I do not believe in premarital sex, but I truly want children, and I liked this guy enough to consider losing it to him. Even though we had no expectations because it was long distance, he insisted we kiss, cuddle and "date" when we saw each other every couple months, so I started to fall in love with him. Then he started seeing another girl last week when he had acted flirty towards me a week prior, so I confronted him and he played off our "relationship" as if we were only acquaintances; despite that until November, we talled regularly. Not sure if he was being extra hurtful because I unfriended him on FB and Twitter, but we talked afterwards and he was a little nicer about it. Regardless, this destroyed my self-esteem and I feel like I am too old and ugly to ever attract a younger man ever again, despite how beautiful people always say I am.

- Lastly, I have been having issues at my job for the past few weeks, and it took another hit to my already low self-esteem.

I do not want to feel this way, and I usually isolate myself when severely depressed. Right now, I cannot find one reason to live, and I got sent home from work for having a nervous breakdown at my desk. and be at peace, because I am getting older and I know none of my dreams will come true, like having a family.

I am so very sorry for all that you are going through. I am here if you want to talk.

Hang in there please BrokenDamaged until your spirits begin to return. Very sorry all those things happened to you, but you can bounce back from this. You can. The hope will return. Life's not over, in fact you never know whats around the corner. Good things can - and do - happen, as well, okay?

I truly appreciate the kind words. Unfortunately for me, things have not really improved and I am still having thoughts. I just wish that at least ONE of my issues would go away. That would help a lot...This will not end well if I do not do something...

Do you see a therapist? I think you could benefit greatly to have some extra support.

Have you consulted a pdoc for any diagnosis/treatment?
Do you take any meds for your depression?

If the urge to harm yourself becomes overwhelming, please see the resource section here or --

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call: 1-800-273-8255
Online: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing?

Take good care of yourself.


WC

I been feeling like this most of my life. I had someone do that to me before. My ex- boyfriend had used me and went out with me on a date to see if I was gay on a dare. I was falling for him to. My last relationship ended before it had begin because I wouldn't sleep with this guy who had ghost me.

I am sorry that you going through this. Especially when your going through it alone.

This is great advice. Great resources.

I completely understand. I feel this way all the times myself.

((( BrokenDamaged )))
Stress management is good, but sooner or later the stressors themselves need to be improved! Nobody can just go and go and go ... even machines break down eventually.

That is great advice. I never thought about the using stress management. I will look into that myself. That is something that I could benefit from.