[whisperingskye]

I wish I could just be happy.

I have so many good things in my life. I shouldn't be depressed, I shouldn’t be getting those self destructive thoughts and urges.

But still they come.

Why do I still get overwhelmed by those thoughts of killing myself? Why do I obsess over it?

Is it ever going to end?

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

I wish I could just be happy.

I have so many good things in my life. I shouldn't be depressed, I shouldn’t be getting those self destructive thoughts and urges.

But still they come.

Why do I still get overwhelmed by those thoughts of killing myself? Why do I obsess over it?

Is it ever going to end?

Hard to say. My younger. Brother (Richard) took his life and I still get angry with my self because I could of been more supportive. I can only imagine what's going through your mind at the moment. But know that there will always be a bright future for those who seek help.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi. Maybe depression is behind these desires to end your life? If that's the case then if you can somehow nip the depression in the bud - through therapy or meds and what have you - then the obsessive thoughts might stop too.

Thoughts of killing yourself could end, yes.

[Fuzzybear]

Well.... you acknowledge there are many good things in your life, that’s “good” I think. But then, you “should” yourself (I’ve never found “shoulding myself” helps. In fact it harms.

As the often recommended meds is not an option for me.... I try to “contain” my suicidal thoughts etc by talking, and the other often recommended advice like exercise. I’m glad you are able to vent here without fear of being “judged” etc

I think you said you were seeing a therapist? If so, I hope they are helping somewhat? Keep posting, things can get better

PS PM me any time and thanks for being here for me too

[stahrgeyzer]

I wish I could tell you the solution because suicidal thoughts something that's plagued me for the past 8 years. Honestly it's like the biggest miracle I'm still alive. Maybe we each have our own destiny where some people aren't allowed to commit suicide while others are allowed? Idk... I hope you do well and heal!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

I wish I could tell you the solution because suicidal thoughts something that's plagued me for the past 8 years. Honestly it's like the biggest miracle I'm still alive. Maybe we each have our own destiny where some people aren't allowed to commit suicide while others are allowed? Idk... I hope you do well and heal!

I’ve been plagued by suicidal thoughts for more than 4 years... I hope all in this thread heal

I sometimes feel it’s a miracle I’m still alive too

[MickeyCheeky]

It doesn't matter how good your life may seem, when you have depression to cope with..

[Fuzzybear]

“coping” .... what does that even mean ....

[whisperingskye]

I am on meds, and you are right fuzzy, I am seeing a therapist too. I haven’t seen her for a little while though, my money management has been terrible lately and I haven’t been able to afford it. But I get paid next week so I will try to arrange an appointment soon. I have been seeing my care coordinator fortnightly recently as things deteriorated and she wanted to keep a closer eye on things.

And yes shoulds/shouldn’ts don’t help but it just annoys me that I can’t be ok. Depression/ BPD just like to keep rearing their ugly heads when I think I’m ok.

It is hard, but I guess I need to accept that there is no easy quick fix. When I have battled with suicidal ideation/plans/attempts for the majority of the last decade it nakes sense that it won’t just stop just because some things are going right in my life. It would be nice though....

I’m not sure I know what coping is either. What I do to cope is not healthy and probably people would see that as me not coping. I guess it’s just what we do to try and stay alive....