My life is literally falling apart.

It's a very confusing time in my life and really I'm depending on myself for support to get through this. My life is falling apart in every situation. It's very difficult to grasp on to the last bit of hope when all other people in my life have also lost hope in me.

All along I've blamed other people for my problems. I've claimed that my husband had destroyed me, that my mothers abandonment had corrupted me, and the betrayal I've faced has disappointed me to the point of no return. Actually it's me....I've destroyed, abandoned, and betrayed myself.

I'm quite overwhelmed with my new realizations. I'm going to lose everything I had ever worked for....and for what?...my desperate need for something I can't even explain. I claimed all this time that everybody never thought I did good enough, but really...I never thought I was doing good enough I have always considered myself a failure.

I could search the root of my problems and read my way to some sort of recovery conclusion, I could....maybe I should. But really all I want to do at this point is save myself before everything in my life is gone....I need some sort of quick save, a slap in the face......maybe even faith.......I will literally do anything.

youome, I'm wondering why your being so hard on yourself? Is it to give you the illusion that you are in control of your life at this time? That if your to blame totally, then you can change things? Perhaps some of what you say about yourself is true, but perhaps some of what you say about others is true too?