[mulan]

I wish I knew how to get out of this fog and indifference... A protective mechanism I see.

I love my parents, but I can't be happy living next to them. It annoys me how my mother can't support or understand my decisions, if they are not on her wishes...
I thought we had pass religion subject a long time ago, but is Easter, and she won't quit, and I am only 26 years old (still not old enough to have a mind of my own).
I know this might not seem a big issues...but everything that it means... I wasn't going to say no, but I had to.

Every time I seem to forget what is like to be at home with my parents and then I come home and I remember how my mother verbal aggressions feel like. But strangely my memory is very short lived.

I like my mother and I know she has mental problems too, but she is so toxic.
I am beginning to understand I never knew how it was like to live in a safe, non judgmental environment.

I can't fix my mother. :'(

I can relate a lot to this post.

I spoke to my mother recently. She sent me an insult meant as a compliment (you lost weight, therefore, we raised you right and you have nothing to complain about....). Toxic. But I accepted it anyway, just because I'm desperate for her attention/approval, and felt my dignity disappear....

It's always a surprise to realize the extent of my mother's ignorance, lack of logic, and toxicity. Like I was dreaming.

[mulan]

Just today she punished me discreetly with no reason. Little things I barely notice but they have a meaning and they leave their mark.
"I am gonna offer this cake to your sister but not to you because you don't deserve it"...
I was believing it before, I felt guilty when she said that. But no, my sister didn't save the day and I wasn't the lazy one. In fact I did what I knew and I too dedicated some of my time (more than my sister did) to that task.

It is another ridiculous anecdote... But I am not whining. I caught it this time... And deeply I believe in it.

Originally Posted by mulan

I wish I knew how to get out of this fog and indifference... A protective mechanism I see.

I love my parents, but I can't be happy living next to them. It annoys me how my mother can't support or understand my decisions, if they are not on her wishes...
I thought we had pass religion subject a long time ago, but is Easter, and she won't quit, and I am only 26 years old (still not old enough to have a mind of my own).
I know this might not seem a big issues...but everything that it means... I wasn't going to say no, but I had to.

Every time I seem to forget what is like to be at home with my parents and then I come home and I remember how my mother verbal aggressions feel like. But strangely my memory is very short lived.

I like my mother and I know she has mental problems too, but she is so toxic.
I am beginning to understand I never knew how it was like to live in a safe, non judgmental environment.

I can't fix my mother. :'(

You do have a mind of your own. The question is, what does it want?

"They" say that depression can be inherited. I think it's true. My father had it and so did my grandfather and great-grandfather. My brothers and sister has had it and so do I. I'm not sure of my mother. My mother had mood swings.

I found out only a few years ago that my parents originally didn't want to have kids. So we were "accidents". In thinking back, it's no wonder they acted the way they did. My parents (especially my father) couldn't cope with handling kids. I used to hear them say things like, "having kids ruin your life, our kids are so selfish".

So broken parents can make broken kids.

[downandlonely]

I can relate to this too. My mom didn't want kids either, and she told us all this. She has bipolar 2, and when she's manic she can get irritable and mean. I live far away from her now though, so I don't have to deal with it often.

[Fuzzybear]

26.. but don’t “have a mind of your own” -I’m not sure what this means.

Some parents maybe want their offspring to stay “stuck” in “childhood” while others can’t wait to “abandon” their kids. Both types of parents are toxic

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Some parents maybe want their offspring to stay “stuck” in “childhood” while others can’t wait to “abandon” their kids. Both types of parents are toxic

It seemed like it was both of those scenarios with my parents. When I was a kid, they would leave me and my brother alone lots of times. Their friends and stuff were more important than us. When I was in my early 30s I came back to live with them because it was not working out when I was on my own. I was up for a good job when I came back to them. During those two years that I lived with them, they treated me like I was in Junior High School. It drove me nuts. Well, that good job possibility never happened and I moved out and never came back.

Yes, you are correct! Both types of those parents are toxic.

[mulan]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

26.. but don’t “have a mind of your own” -I’m not sure what this means.

Some parents maybe want their offspring to stay “stuck” in “childhood” while others can’t wait to “abandon” their kids. Both types of parents are toxic

I was being ironic... I should have realized the tone was missing in here.