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  #1  
Old Apr 11, 2018, 02:46 PM
whisperingskye's Avatar
whisperingskye whisperingskye is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2017
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I hate my brain, I hate myself. Truly.

I have been so overwhelmed with self destructive thoughts and urges the past couple of weeks and I can’t seem to stop it. And I just don’t get it. There is nothing wrong, nothing that has trigger it. This is just how I am, who I am.

Everyday I take my meds and I just want to take extra.
Everyday I want to cut.
Everyday I want to drink until I am drunk, if only to stop this.

I just don’t know the answer anymore. I don’t get why I am struggling, and I have no idea what to do to make it better.

It seems so hopeless.
__________________
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Failure.
Failure - Breaking Benjamin
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Anonymous44144, CepheidVariable, Fuzzybear, marvin_pa, MtnTime2896

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  #2  
Old Apr 11, 2018, 03:42 PM
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marvin_pa marvin_pa is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 685
Can you talk to your pdoc/t, to see if there's any additional/modifications to your current treatment/therapy that might help? Sometimes, just the action of asking can ease the pressure a little.
Hugs from:
Anonymous44144, whisperingskye
Thanks for this!
whisperingskye
  #3  
Old Apr 12, 2018, 02:18 AM
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whisperingskye whisperingskye is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: -
Posts: 1,526
I see my care coordinator next week but I’m not sure what she could offer to help. I think my pdoc has left and not sure of she has been replaced yet... I’m just doing what I can to best keep it together. It’s just really hard
__________________
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Failure.
Failure - Breaking Benjamin
Hugs from:
Anonymous44144
  #4  
Old Apr 12, 2018, 02:49 AM
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marvin_pa marvin_pa is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Posts: 685
Quote:
Originally Posted by whisperingskye View Post
I see my care coordinator next week but I’m not sure what she could offer to help. I think my pdoc has left and not sure of she has been replaced yet... I’m just doing what I can to best keep it together. It’s just really hard
Well, FWIW, I've some idea how that feels - let your CC know that you're in a rough patch & hopefully, she'll know what resources may be available.
Hugs from:
Anonymous44144, whisperingskye
Thanks for this!
whisperingskye
  #5  
Old Apr 12, 2018, 11:02 AM
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Shazerac Shazerac is offline
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Member Since: May 2015
Location: earth
Posts: 3,029
sorry you are having a crappy episode. I hate it when I through these feelings. Sometimes I have to remind myself that Meds help but they aren’t magic beanstalk seeds. I still go through periods of extreme self loathing and questioning my will to live. They are just less frequent and intense when I’m on Meds. I try to be extra gentle with myself and not beat myself up for having bad feelings.
__________________


Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day!

"Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 -
Seroquel 100
Celexa 20 mg
Xanax .5 mg prn
Modafanil 100 mg

Hugs from:
Anonymous44144, whisperingskye
Thanks for this!
whisperingskye
  #6  
Old Apr 12, 2018, 06:18 PM
whisperingskye's Avatar
whisperingskye whisperingskye is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Feb 2017
Location: -
Posts: 1,526
I just want it to stop.
__________________
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left.
Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down.
Failure.
Failure - Breaking Benjamin
Hugs from:
Anonymous44144, Fuzzybear, marvin_pa, MtnTime2896, Shazerac
  #7  
Old Apr 13, 2018, 08:43 AM
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Shazerac Shazerac is offline
Grand Magnate
 
Member Since: May 2015
Location: earth
Posts: 3,029
Quote:
Originally Posted by whisperingskye View Post
I just want it to stop.
I don’t blame you! I would want it to stop too!
__________________


Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day!

"Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 -
Seroquel 100
Celexa 20 mg
Xanax .5 mg prn
Modafanil 100 mg

Hugs from:
Anonymous44144, whisperingskye
Thanks for this!
whisperingskye
  #8  
Old Apr 13, 2018, 02:44 PM
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MsDinah MsDinah is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Mar 2018
Location: Fort Worth Texas
Posts: 23
I know how you feel when you say you just want it to stop. I just want to go back to being the person I used to be!
Hugs from:
Anonymous44144, whisperingskye
Thanks for this!
whisperingskye
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