[cryingontheinside]

I know this . I know for a fact that nothing will change or improve. So why don't I just end this miserable life of mine ?
Ok there are reasons that are stopping me from doing this. There are people that would be hurt , not many but a few.
But I am longing to die. To be out of this life . There is absolutely no point in me being here . Pointless .
Also society makes everyone judge others on looks . I am not attractive because I do not look after myself and I am overweight . A couple of weeks ago a stranger shouted out the window for me to go on a diet . I notice that people are also meaner in general to me than they used to be when I was slim and attractive. I'm talking about interactions with strangers like when I'm getting my shopping delivered, Or when I was in the hospital with severe health problems , I noticed it then too . I personally don't care how I look because I'm not trying to impress anyone or to find a bf. But others care and judge me for it . I can tell in people's tone of voice , their facial expressions and mannerisms.
I don't know why I am here and I don't want to be here

[Candy1955]

I am so sorry you feel so badly. I have some (I guess) opinions I'd like to share with you. The appearance thing and reactions from strangers? Young, attractive people always get better service and treatment, i.e. attention than unattractive, overweight, handicapped or old people, in general. This attitude is universal, everywhere, throughout western culture. It's not you. Please don't take it personal, and I know that's hard. Just ignore them and go on, is one way to put it. I actually want to say ***k 'em. I also believe you are focusing on the right things by being concerned about your loved ones. I've been there. It is a special kind of loss and grief when a loved one leaves us like that. Please keep writing. I believe you are special.

[MickeyCheeky]

Some people can be real jerks. Please, don't give up your life for them. I'm sure you have much love to give and receive..

[Yzen]

People that judge like that are trying to make themselves feel superior in some way, but they are NOT. They are so sad because they need to be mean to feel good about themselves. We are all on this earth together and no one is more important than others...especially, just because they look a certain way.

I am glad you are here, cryingontheinside. I wish we had more people like you on this planet.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Yzen

People that judge like that are trying to make themselves feel superior in some way, but they are NOT. They are so sad because they need to be mean to feel good about themselves. We are all on this earth together and no one is more important than others...especially, just because they look a certain way.

I am glad you are here, cryingontheinside. I wish we had more people like you on this planet.

I completely agree with this, and I wish that more people realised that is the only valid truth

I’ve been judged many times because of an “allergy rash” That isn’t my fault.. when my skin is “good” I get a completely different reaction from people

((((( Cryingontheinside )))))

[MtnTime2896]

One thing is absolutely inevitable: Change.

I don't believe that change is a good or a bad thing, it just is. Some things will get better over time while others will get worse. Regardless, things won't always be this way.

I've never been a good looking person and the crap I've gotten for it still plays in my head when I look in the mirror. What people can say or do hurts. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. People can be horrible. You're one of the good ones, though.

[QUOTE=cryingontheinside;6105381]I know this . I know for a fact that nothing will change or improve. So why don't I just end this miserable life of mine ?
Ok there are reasons that are stopping me from doing this. There are people that would be hurt , not many but a few.
But I am longing to die. To be out of this life . There is absolutely no point in me being here . Pointless .
Also society makes everyone judge others on looks . I am not attractive because I do not look after myself and I am overweight . A couple of weeks ago a stranger shouted out the window for me to go on a diet . I notice that people are also meaner in general to me than they used to be when I was slim and attractive. I'm talking about interactions with strangers like when I'm getting my shopping delivered, Or when I was in the hospital with severe health problems , I noticed it then too . I personally don't care how I look because I'm not trying to impress anyone or to find a bf. But others care and judge me for it . I can tell in people's tone of voice , their facial expressions and mannerisms.
I don't know why I am here and I don't want to be here[/QUOTE

Im overweight and am gaining weight too. I m overeating but cant do anything about it. I dont like it when I look at the mirror. Its getting on my nerves and making me irritable.

I'm glad you're here, cryingontheinside

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I know this . I know for a fact that nothing will change or improve. So why don't I just end this miserable life of mine ?
Ok there are reasons that are stopping me from doing this. There are people that would be hurt , not many but a few.
But I am longing to die. To be out of this life . There is absolutely no point in me being here . Pointless .
Also society makes everyone judge others on looks . I am not attractive because I do not look after myself and I am overweight . A couple of weeks ago a stranger shouted out the window for me to go on a diet . I notice that people are also meaner in general to me than they used to be when I was slim and attractive. I'm talking about interactions with strangers like when I'm getting my shopping delivered, Or when I was in the hospital with severe health problems , I noticed it then too . I personally don't care how I look because I'm not trying to impress anyone or to find a bf. But others care and judge me for it . I can tell in people's tone of voice , their facial expressions and mannerisms.
I don't know why I am here and I don't want to be here

Don’t worry about the people who could be hurt
How much do they care about you anyway?
I am also suicidal, and one thing I found out those who “love” me couldn’t be bothered by my condition

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Don’t worry about the people who could be hurt
How much do they care about you anyway?
I am also suicidal, and one thing I found out those who “love” me couldn’t be bothered by my condition

I think they could care a lot. Considering you and I don't know much about their personal life, I'm pretty sure they'd know if people would be hurt.

[Shazerac]

Crying

[muggleborn22]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I know this . I know for a fact that nothing will change or improve. So why don't I just end this miserable life of mine ?
Ok there are reasons that are stopping me from doing this. There are people that would be hurt , not many but a few.
But I am longing to die. To be out of this life . There is absolutely no point in me being here . Pointless .
Also society makes everyone judge others on looks . I am not attractive because I do not look after myself and I am overweight . A couple of weeks ago a stranger shouted out the window for me to go on a diet . I notice that people are also meaner in general to me than they used to be when I was slim and attractive. I'm talking about interactions with strangers like when I'm getting my shopping delivered, Or when I was in the hospital with severe health problems , I noticed it then too . I personally don't care how I look because I'm not trying to impress anyone or to find a bf. But others care and judge me for it . I can tell in people's tone of voice , their facial expressions and mannerisms.
I don't know why I am here and I don't want to be here

Please don't give up, we all need you here

[Capac]

I so understand what you are going through, I feel like I don't fit in this world and never will, like there is no point in anything. You are not alone, hugs, I hope you feel better soon.

[introspectiveme]

I can relate and I wish things get better for you

People just suck, sometimes I wonder if people just find reasons to feel superior. Some of these are childish whilst others are just mean

[jvklaus]

I am sorry you are experiencing such issues right now. Interestingly, I had someone shout out to me, "Your fat" while I was walking to my vehicle. Things like this happen to me, whether its being shouted out that I am fat, or shouted at that I'm a ******. Human beings can be pure evil. Alas, I can relate on how such things affect us.

Right now I can sense you are feeling a bit hopeless and feel like things will never change. One thing we have to keep in mind is that we cannot predict our future and regardless of our past, the future may change. I too struggle with seeing a bleak unchanging future. I am experiencing episodic depression right now and I can tell I am headed for a major depressive episode, so I hope that by talking with others I can head this off. Perhaps by telling your stories here and talking with others can help you through this difficult time.

Here, you are not alone. While we all have different lives, we share something others do not understand: mental illness. In that regard, through these forums we are not alone.

[katydid777]

Cryingontheinside, I was picked on most of my life for one thing, or another. I grew up poor, so i was bullied, and pick on for that, when i was young i was called a jesus freak by my own family, besides other kids calling me names, one girl even through my winter coat down the sewer. Just stuff like that. It makes things harder, and life harder, I have always been the out cast, with my family, and others. I am so sorry you have to deal with this! (((((((HUGS)))))))

[cryingontheinside]

Thank you all for your replies and I'm sorry for all you have been through too. I hope we can all be happy and healed one day soon

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you are suffering.

I can relate. I can also relate to being a loved one left behind, as I have been just that. you are right, those loving you would be seriously wounded by losing you.

I am also glad you are here!
I am hopeful for your healing!


WC

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Don’t worry about the people who could be hurt
How much do they care about you anyway?
I am also suicidal, and one thing I found out those who “love” me couldn’t be bothered by my condition

VO, I find this unsupportive, to say the very least.

Cryingontheinside feels loved ones care. This is important and is what matters to Cryingontheinside.

VO, Please get the help you desperately need.


WC