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#1
Apr 23, 2018, 09:27 AM
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I have made a lot of progress on my recovery, but this week I feel myself sinking back down to my low point.
I know it's a few factors: my PMDD is rearing it's ugly head because I've run out of birth control and I can't get anymore until I see a doctor, and that's not going to be for a while. Then on top of that my birthday is coming up and I just feel like an utter failure in accomplishing all the things that I wanted by this point in my life. Things I will now never accomplish because it's far too late. So I'm grieving for all the things I've lost due to my illness. And I can't seem to come to terms with it. It's like a chasm in my head that just seems bottomless and too far to bridge. And eventually I will just fall apart again trying to breach it when it's just impossible to do so. Seesaw
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 What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
 Anonymous32891, Anonymous44144, Anonymous45390, Anonymous48850, CepheidVariable, crushed_soul, feeshee, IrisBloom, Kaysey, MickeyCheeky, Shazerac, TorturedSoul92, Wild Coyote
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#2
Apr 23, 2018, 09:36 AM
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 So sorry you’re feeling badI’m sooooo glad I’m too old to need birth control or have the horrible moods that accompanied that monthly crap fest. Like you I tend to have pre-birthday malaise. Mine was last Saturday. The previous week I was in a total funk. I played all the hits in my head on a continuous loop; another year gone and what have I done? What have I done with my life? Nothing! And so on. Hopefully you will feel better soon. 
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 Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg 
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| Anonymous44144, feeshee, Wild Coyote
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 seesaw
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#3
Apr 23, 2018, 09:39 AM
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Quote:
Yup, it's the same playlist right here...Failed at so many things...what have I done with all this promise and talent...sitting here languishing doing other people's research...sigh...all pointless...nothing to live for, really...think I'll just give up and go back to bed...
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| Anonymous44144, feeshee, Wild Coyote
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#4
Apr 23, 2018, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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| Anonymous44144, Wild Coyote
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#5
Apr 23, 2018, 10:40 AM
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Anyways...that combined with my advancing age makes me feel like poo. 
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| Anonymous44144, feeshee, Wild Coyote
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| FallDuskTrain
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#6
Apr 23, 2018, 10:42 AM
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(((((seesaws))))) I hope you feel better soon
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| Anonymous44144, Wild Coyote
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#7
Apr 23, 2018, 10:45 AM
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After reading my post I wanted to make it clear that DOCTORS didn’t believe in PMDD not me. I believe you! I would have periods that lasted for 17 days and I would bounce back and forth between feeling suicidal or homicidal. I strongly suspect that menstral insanity played a strong part in 2 divorces.
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Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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| Anonymous44144, feeshee, Wild Coyote
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| Wild Coyote
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#8
Apr 23, 2018, 10:51 AM
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"Your honor, I please menstrual insanity." Hahahahahahha!
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| Anonymous44144, Wild Coyote
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#9
Apr 23, 2018, 10:58 AM
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 I’ve read studies where they interviewed women in prison from violent crimes. About 70% were having premenstral issues at the time of the Offense. I think PMDD needs to be more aggressively addressed and taken seriously! 
__________________
Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg
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| Anonymous44144, feeshee, Wild Coyote
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| seesaw
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#10
Apr 23, 2018, 01:06 PM
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  (((((( seesaw )))))) I hope you get relief soon. WC
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May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
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| Anonymous44144
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#11
Apr 23, 2018, 01:50 PM
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I'm going to go cliche big time here!
STOP RUMINATING ON WHAT YOU DIDN'T ACCOMPLISH AND FOCUS ON WHAT YOU DID DO AND WHAT YOU HAVE SURVIVED! My big 6-0 is coming in a month and I feel much the same as you. I think it's normal to review your life and mourn the things you wanted but didn't do. But as for me, for a long time I had a lot of uncertainty as to where I'd be at this point in my life. I'm not where I hoped to be but I am in a good situation, and that's a lot more than I ever expected. I try to focus on the positive and what I now have rather than what I missed or didn't accomplish. I hope you find relief for your female issues. (Have you looked into natural herbal treatments?) I never had major hormonal issues till I was well into perimenopause. I really did think I was going crazy for a while. But I survived it and came out the other side intact. PM me if I can help you in any way.
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| Anonymous44144
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| seesaw
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#12
Apr 23, 2018, 02:18 PM
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You're right. I have been through a lot and have a lot to be proud of. Why is it the things that we are admired for or have talent for are never the things we care about? Okay, that's a whole different discussion...
__________________
What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
| Anonymous44144
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| IrisBloom
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#13
Apr 23, 2018, 04:04 PM
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Hugs to you, Seesaw. I agree that you should try to focus on how far you have come and all of the good things you have done for yourself. It’s so easy to forget the good stuff. I hope you start to feel better.
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| Anonymous44144
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| FallDuskTrain, seesaw
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#14
Apr 24, 2018, 01:27 AM
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I admire you, seesaw!
WC
__________________
May we each fully claim the courage to live from our hearts, to allow Love, Faith and Hope to enLighten our paths.
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| Anonymous44144
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| FallDuskTrain, seesaw
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#15
Apr 24, 2018, 01:54 PM
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For some reason it is easier to beat ourselves up than pat ourselves on the back. I still do it a lot, but then I look at where I am and realize that the past doesn't matter, can't change it anyway...
You also need to remember that recovery can be a life long process. You won't wake up a new person suddenly, but you will have days when the good outweighs the bad. Also remember that life has ups and downs and so do your moods, feelings. I think sometimes we get depressed just trying to fight the natural flow of things. I hope you're having a better day.
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| Anonymous44144
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