[introspectiveme]

I’ve been going through what is probably the worst time of my life. To sum it up, I’m dealing with the same issues I’ve been dealing with for the past 5 years plus some new ones that are weighing very heavily on my mind. I’m being kinda vague here because I’m exhausted

I’m sad when I’m alone but when I’m around other people, it just sucks. I can’t act anymore. It makes things worse for them too, cause they have to put up with me. To describe what my mind is going through right now, I’m just mad at myself for doing the same mistakes over and over again but I’m also sad that I have no one to talk to. I’ve reached out to people but....

Anyway, my friends take me for granted because I’m always available and they don’t realise how much I care.

I just need time for myself, I’m not really giving up. I need to disappear for a while and may be start fresh somewhere else. So I’m non existent on social media right now and work from home anyway

I never should have believed that I was a freak for a loner and introvert. I’ll go back to suffering alone and focusing on my interests rather than being a people pleaser

[Candy1955]

Being real is a relief. Just don't end up isolated.

[SeekerSeeking]

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. Sounds like you are beating yourself up about making those mistakes over and over.

Hey, quit that! All of us have done that at one time or another... And the fact that you are 'aware' of what you are doing is HUGE!!! Give yourself a pat on the back for that--and try to stop the negative self-talk in your head; it doesn't help.

You said, being around other folks "makes it worse for them too, cause they have to put up with me." Don't assume you make it worse for them--you don't know, not really, because we can't see other folks thoughts.

Being an introvert just means you gather your energy from being alone and that's fine. I'm an introvert also--but many think I'm extroverted because I enjoy people so much (If I've had my alone time). Without time to myself, my battery is depleted.

So take some time and gather your energy--but don't isolate yourself. Each of us has something unique to offer. And yes, work on being a 'people pleaser,' but give yourself some slack--we are all at varius stages of learning in the school called life.

Wishing you some peace...and hope.

[Shazerac]

Step away “from always being avaiable”. That’s the road to crash and burn. I’ve worked hard on letting go of that feeling that I’m flawed and pretending to be ok...When I’m not. Be you..that’s all you need to be. it’s normal to want solitude sometimes and other times want company. You don’t have to be on call 24/7.

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Step away “from always being avaiable”. That’s the road to crash and burn. I’ve worked hard on letting go of that feeling that I’m flawed and pretending to be ok...When I’m not. Be you..that’s all you need to be. it’s normal to want solitude sometimes and other times want company. You don’t have to be on call 24/7.

Yeah I always answer my friends but they kinda let me down

I just want my friends to know I was there when needed but I’m away now

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by SeekerSeeking

I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. Sounds like you are beating yourself up about making those mistakes over and over.

Hey, quit that! All of us have done that at one time or another... And the fact that you are 'aware' of what you are doing is HUGE!!! Give yourself a pat on the back for that--and try to stop the negative self-talk in your head; it doesn't help.

You said, being around other folks "makes it worse for them too, cause they have to put up with me." Don't assume you make it worse for them--you don't know, not really, because we can't see other folks thoughts.

Being an introvert just means you gather your energy from being alone and that's fine. I'm an introvert also--but many think I'm extroverted because I enjoy people so much (If I've had my alone time). Without time to myself, my battery is depleted.

So take some time and gather your energy--but don't isolate yourself. Each of us has something unique to offer. And yes, work on being a 'people pleaser,' but give yourself some slack--we are all at varius stages of learning in the school called life.

Wishing you some peace...and hope.

Why do I focus on the very few people who don’t approve of me even though I invested a lot of time and cared for them deeply. I broke up with a friend who not only ended the friendship but said some horrible things that aren’t true

I have so many other supportive people but I’m always looking for 100% approval. Which is just silly, I’ll end up feeling horrible

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by introspectiveme

Why do I focus on the very few people who don’t approve of me even though I invested a lot of time and cared for them deeply. I broke up with a friend who not only ended the friendship but said some horrible things that aren’t true

I have so many other supportive people but I’m always looking for 100% approval. Which is just silly, I’ll end up feeling horrible

I can relate to being abused by a “friend” who not only ended the “friendship” but said some horrible things that aren’t true. Too many freakin snakes in this world..

[SeekerSeeking]

Originally Posted by introspectiveme

Why do I focus on the very few people who don’t approve of me even though I invested a lot of time and cared for them deeply. I broke up with a friend who not only ended the friendship but said some horrible things that aren’t true

I have so many other supportive people but I’m always looking for 100% approval. Which is just silly, I’ll end up feeling horrible

Hmm...well, Introspectiveme, I can only tell you why I was once attracted to the folks who didn't much care for me. Through therapy, I discovered that I was unconsciously attracted to folks who reminded me of people from my past. My father was emotionally unavailable--and I tended to find folks like that. Then I'd work hard to get them to like me, invest in me, see me. It hardly ever ended well. Then I'd get resentful--and it was always painful.

Once I saw my pattern, I watched who I was attracted to... My awareness helped, not that I didn't mess up still, but I could get myself out sooner. I decided I didn't want to repeat the same kind of relationships (dressed in different clothes). I have made HEALTHY my new model of friendship--and I have found relationships that are more mutual and loving. I could only change me--and I did...

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I can relate to being abused by a “friend” who not only ended the “friendship” but said some horrible things that aren’t true. Too many freakin snakes in this world..

It’s been really hard for me

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by SeekerSeeking

Hmm...well, Introspectiveme, I can only tell you why I was once attracted to the folks who didn't much care for me. Through therapy, I discovered that I was unconsciously attracted to folks who reminded me of people from my past. My father was emotionally unavailable--and I tended to find folks like that. Then I'd work hard to get them to like me, invest in me, see me. It hardly ever ended well. Then I'd get resentful--and it was always painful.

Once I saw my pattern, I watched who I was attracted to... My awareness helped, not that I didn't mess up still, but I could get myself out sooner. I decided I didn't want to repeat the same kind of relationships (dressed in different clothes). I have made HEALTHY my new model of friendship--and I have found relationships that are more mutual and loving. I could only change me--and I did...

Yes, I have to change

I’m hurting over things not in my control and it’s really not helping me

I have to learn to let go or I will keep suffering

[Shazerac]

I know this sounds totally cornball. But realizing you need to change is HUGE progress.

Even though you are suffering right now, I’m happy for you. As you heal and grow, you will be able to develop relationships that are healthy and supportive.

[introspectiveme]

Thank you sharezac

I have to be determined and force change of habit.