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#1
Apr 24, 2018, 10:28 AM
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So, I feel like I should be brave all the time. But it's not working today. I feel like I'm falling in a hole. I didn't sleep last night or take my meds and the condition of my apartment fills me with loathing. I took the depression test and got a 42. Then realized I have to see my T tomorrow and that is even more depressing because I have to pretend I
don't hate her. It's harder to keep control over my alters around people I don't like. And it's freaking snowing. I miss the ocean so much. Incapable of taking a shower or making plans to clean house. And I don't think about the bad thing much anymore. Nothing specific but don't even like having those thoughts in my head. Besides, I have to take care of His Furriness. That keeps me grounded, at least. Do you think quitting smoking is maybe not such a great idea right now? My DVD is broken and it's messing up my routine big time. Okay. A solution. What if I wash up and get dressed and walk down to the 7-11. Get some smokes, and maybe a couple of Crispy Cremes. (My cat has decided he's jealous of the phone. It's funny.) Then I might be able to get something accomplished. Just 3 things. I'll let you know if I actually go. I wish I could yank that inner critic out of my head and just beat the bejesus out of him...
__________________
"The life unexamined is not worth living." Plato "The arc of the universe is long but it bends toward justice." Dr. Martin Luther King  To Bambi, "You can call me Flower if you want to."
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 Fuzzybear, mulan, Shazerac, Skeezyks
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#2
Apr 24, 2018, 01:03 PM
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__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
| Fuzzybear, YoucancallmeFlower
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#3
Apr 24, 2018, 01:12 PM
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__________________
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| YoucancallmeFlower
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#4
Apr 24, 2018, 01:45 PM
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I need to do those exact three things too. To clean my place , to bath and to go to the store . It's hard because I'm sleeping at the wrong times and have zero motivation and am depressed and anxious .
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| YoucancallmeFlower
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#5
Apr 24, 2018, 02:34 PM
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You guys are such sweeties. Thank you so much for the.hugs and perty pictures and your kind words. It has been so long since anyone cared. You make me feel like a human being. So I did it! Felt a panic attack at the first corner but ignored that impulse to turn around and go home. And now I'm suckin on a Newport and got a can of Arizona.ice tea and two muffins. Heaven.They already fixed my heart--don't see why I can't smoke if I want to...  So I am committing to washing my hair/shower, a Mani pedi and putting all my clothes away. I'll do dishes and make a nice dinner, too. Organic beans and rice with salsa and cheese and fried red peppers and onions. And you will laugh but I do commercial dishes. Wash five at a time during the commercials. I keep telling the cat to do them but he's lazier than I am. Sorry--babbling--just feel so much better than I did a couple of hours ago. You all are the best. 
__________________
"The life unexamined is not worth living." Plato "The arc of the universe is long but it bends toward justice." Dr. Martin Luther King To Bambi, "You can call me Flower if you want to."
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| Fuzzybear, Shazerac
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#6
Apr 24, 2018, 03:34 PM
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I’m so happy you got moving and left the house
I do the commercial trick all the time. I can get all kinds of stuff done during those long commercials.
__________________
 Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg 
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| YoucancallmeFlower
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