Sharing with strangers because I have no one to talk to

I've never been on a site like this, but found it by googling how to get rid of depression and get thoughts of suicide out of my head. I don't have intentions of doing it, but that doesn't stop the thoughts. I've been on Prozac for a few months now and it's made a big difference. But on days where I don't have plans or work (or some days when I call-in sick to work because I'm too depressed), I take forever to get out of bed, and then go back to bed for naps. I don't shower, I eat so much junk food that I make myself sick, and then I feel ashamed when my husband gets home from work because I couldn't motivate myself to do anything and I just feel like a lazy slob. He knows about my depression, but I'm scared that he will leave me one day because of it.

I've pushed everyone away in my life who has ever been a friend to me (or they hurt me and I stopped being friends with them). I have no girlfriends in my life. I'm 33 and married to an amazing man. We have a great house and I have a great job, but I feel so very alone. My husband tries to help, but he's never had anyone in his life or family with depression or mental illness, so he struggles sometimes with how to cope with me.

I think I want to change and have friends and people that I'm close to, but then at the same time, I like not having to put in the energy to make small talk and get to know people. I feel like having friendships takes way too much work, and people will probably just hurt you one day, so what's the point.

I don't know what I'm looking for on this forum, maybe it's just an outlet to say things to others that I've only said to myself. A safe place where I can hide behind a screen but be vulnerable and let my guard down.

Why do I feel so empty and worthless? How do I motivate myself to make changes to get rid of this darkness that hangs over me?

Hello noidea…: I'm sorry you are struggling with so much depression. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

By the way... the key to being here on PC, at least from my perspective, is to post your own threads regularly & reply to lots of other members' posts. Soon you will find yourself becoming an important member of the PC community. Plus there are the chat rooms where (one your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved) you'll have the opportunity to interact with other members in real time.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of healing from depression. Perhaps some of the information in these articles can be of some help:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/strateg...ng-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-step...ng-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-more...al-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-ways...al-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-fo...ur-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-without-meds/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/3-ways...ough-exercise/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-tips...of-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-ma...sts_position=1

Also... take a look at this depression-specific forum sponsored by PsychCentral. You may have noticed it mentioned in a couple of the articles above:

Project Hope & Beyond

My best wishes to you...

Welcome to PC.

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please make yourself at home. Jump in wherever you feel led to do so.

Your first 5 posts are approved by a moderator before they appear. After 5 approved posts, you will also have access to chatrooms and to the Private Messaging (PM) system.

I hope to see you around the forums.

Wild Coyote

Hi noidea.... I could have written your post. You sum up how I also feel. Hugs to you. I hope you find support here. It seems like a positive and helpful place.

Welcome to pc

Welcome

Welcome Noidea. Glad you are here.