[Zedsdead]

I know there is something wrong with me.. I don't work the way that everybody else does. I watch everybody else go through life, progressing, growing, achieving. I just stay the same.
I'm not always sad. Restless yes, but I'm frozen. I procrastinate everything. I miss chance after chance to succeed and go forwards in life. It's not that I don't want to do good. I do!!!! I plan, daydream, do the leg work. But then something stops. I freeze, I can't finish tasks and I can't just get things done. That's when the depression comes in to play.

It's laughable really, I finally decided at 27 I want to go to school. Chose my course, chose the routes... it's been 3 weeks and I still haven't applied. Just pulling up the laptop to apply online is too over whelming and I do EVERYTHING except for what I need to do.

I'm tired of living this way. Reading how to beat procrastination, to be motivated, fearless and successful. It all just fits into my procrastination.

Why can't I just live a normal life and get things done? Not be too scared to leave the house, to pull up a god damn application.

I'm so angry at myself right now.

[ShadowGX]

27 isn't that bad. My mom got herself a master's at the age of 58! You can totally do this. Maybe you're not ready right now. Maybe college isn't the path for you, perhaps a trade skill or technical certification would better suit you. If you're sure this is truly something you want though, try reminding yourself of why you want it. If it's something you truly want and you're still finding it difficult to get there, I would definitely suggest talking to a therapist about this as they can help you uncover what might be holding you back inside yourself and help you fix it.

I only won my battle with similar thoughts when I had finally had enough of not being out on my own and ended up looking into something I could live on without a degree (I tried college but it wasn't for me and I had a lot of debt from trying which meant I couldn't really afford to try anymore). It basically ended up that I was so miserable with my former situation that I no longer saw the effort needed to get out as a chore so much as a basic necessity to surviving. It took a lot of pushing myself out of my comfort zone, and it wasn't always successful. I still struggle at times with thoughts of giving up on everything if I need to step outside my comfort zone, so I know it's not as easy as it can sound.

You can do this.