[rdgrad15]

I've always wondered why a lot of people seem to tell those with depression to snap out of it. It happened to me once with my family. Years ago they found out I was secretly very sad and they lectured me for two hours on why I shouldn't be depressed and told me to snap out of it. Then they asked if I felt better, which I obviously didn't. If anything, I felt worse. That's why I can't tell them anything. Same goes for other people I know. I've heard people talk about someone else who is depressed and the person mentioned that the depressed individual needs to snap out of it. I don't understand why some people think it is easy to just snap out of it. Any thoughts? Ever happened to you or someone you know? Just wondered.

[Skeezyks]

They don't know what else to say & they don't really want to be bothered...

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

They don't know what else to say & they don't really want to be bothered...

Makes sense. Sad how that is how some people react.

[marvin_pa]

Unless they have experience of the same state themselves, then I think that they simply don't comprehend what the depressed person is going through.

A depressed person has likely been repeating that same 'snap out of it' mantra to themselves for the duration of their depression & really isn't helped by the suggestion - but like I said, an observer probably won't understand unless they've been there themselves...

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by marvin_pa

Unless they have experience of the same state themselves, then I think that they simply don't comprehend what the depressed person is going through.

A depressed person has likely been repeating that same 'snap out of it' mantra to themselves for the duration of their depression & really isn't helped by the suggestion - but like I said, an observer probably won't understand unless they've been there themselves...

Oh okay.

[feeshee]

They just don't understand. It's pointless to try to explain it to those who just don't "get it."

[yagr]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

I've always wondered why a lot of people seem to tell those with depression to snap out of it. It happened to me once with my family. Years ago they found out I was secretly very sad and they lectured me for two hours on why I shouldn't be depressed and told me to snap out of it. Then they asked if I felt better, which I obviously didn't. If anything, I felt worse. That's why I can't tell them anything. Same goes for other people I know. I've heard people talk about someone else who is depressed and the person mentioned that the depressed individual needs to snap out of it. I don't understand why some people think it is easy to just snap out of it. Any thoughts? Ever happened to you or someone you know? Just wondered.

There are a few reasons that I can think of. Here's the most likely (imo): There is a book, Shame and Guilt by Jane Middelton-Moz, that begins with a metaphorical story written as a fairy tale. The father is called Giant, the mother is Chameleon, and their daughter is called Perfect Giant. In the story, Chameleon is overjoyed when her daughter Perfect is born. She knew that her daughter would be strong, beautiful, talented, intelligent; everything Chameleon had only dreamed of being.

This beautiful little child would soon become the companion she had always wanted. She would be someone to talk to, someone to love her unconditionally in the way that no one, including her own family, ever had.
Perfect would never be the disappointment Chameleon had been to her own mother. Her daughter would admire and respect her. At last Chameleon would be the center of someone's world. In return, Chameleon would give Perfect everything.

So Chameleon felt debilitating shame for her existence and was going to find worth in the perfection of her daughter... but then this happened:

When Perfect would cry, Chameleon felt irritated, but eventually would laugh at her child's tears. "You have no reason to cry, silly girl. You are strong, tough, beautiful and gifted. I give you everything I have and more. Don't you realize that you can't possibly have needs that aren't being fulfilled?"

Anything less than (her mothers idea of) perfection reflected poorly on her mother - well, at least her mother thought so. Likewise, perfection meant that her mother had raised her right - vindicating her. She placed responsibility for her esteem on her child.

When any signs of weakness appeared in her child, Chameleon would either cry or laugh at her daughter's imagined needs or fears and, like magic, the unwanted emotions vanished.

Because, of course, Perfect would hide them.

[Blues47]

They don't understand it. I envy them...I wish to hell I didn't understand it. I hope in my next life I'm the most ignorant son of a ***** you ever meet on the subject of depression.

[marvin_pa]

Originally Posted by Blues47

They don't understand it. I envy them...I wish to hell I didn't understand it. I hope in my next life I'm the most ignorant son of a ***** you ever meet on the subject of depression.

I'd wish that you understand it, but never experience it - the world has too many ignorant people as it is...

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by feeshee

They just don't understand. It's pointless to try to explain it to those who just don't "get it."

Yeah I agree.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by yagr

There are a few reasons that I can think of. Here's the most likely (imo): There is a book, Shame and Guilt by Jane Middelton-Moz, that begins with a metaphorical story written as a fairy tale. The father is called Giant, the mother is Chameleon, and their daughter is called Perfect Giant. In the story, Chameleon is overjoyed when her daughter Perfect is born. She knew that her daughter would be strong, beautiful, talented, intelligent; everything Chameleon had only dreamed of being.


So Chameleon felt debilitating shame for her existence and was going to find worth in the perfection of her daughter... but then this happened

Anything less than (her mothers idea of) perfection reflected poorly on her mother - well, at least her mother thought so. Likewise, perfection meant that her mother had raised her right - vindicating her. She placed responsibility for her esteem on her child.


Because, of course, Perfect would hide them.

Never heard this story. Thank you for sharong and I agree with you. Some people believe depressed people have nothing to be sad about.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Blues47

They don't understand it. I envy them...I wish to hell I didn't understand it. I hope in my next life I'm the most ignorant son of a ***** you ever meet on the subject of depression.

Yeah they just don’t get it.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by marvin_pa

I'd wish that you understand it, but never experience it - the world has too many ignorant people as it is...

That’s how I feel. I wish people understood but didn’t experience it. And another thing people need to know is that depression does not always mean bawling your eyes out 24/7. While that can and does happen, from what I learned and experience, it can also just simply be a bery chronic state of loneliness and sadness, while being emotionless at the same time.

[cryingontheinside]

My brother told my mum that depression is selfish . And he has been depressed himself so he knows what it feels like . Don't know why he thinks that then.
When close friends ask me how I am in a text ( online friends , don't have real ones sigh ) they ignore me when I say I feel crap .I hope it's because they don't know what to say rather than they don't care , sigh .

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

My brother told my mum that depression is selfish . And he has been depressed himself so he knows what it feels like . Don't know why he thinks that then.
When close friends ask me how I am in a text ( online friends , don't have real ones sigh ) they ignore me when I say I feel crap .I hope it's because they don't know what to say rather than they don't care , sigh .

I know. That is hypocriticle of your brother. And yeah, I say I am fine a lot too. I hope they just don’t know what to say as well. I’m sure that is probably the case. Those with depression may not say anything due to not knowing what to say despite having it themselves. Those who are not depressed probably just may not care and won’t understand.

[marvin_pa]

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

My brother told my mum that depression is selfish . And he has been depressed himself so he knows what it feels like . Don't know why he thinks that then.
When close friends ask me how I am in a text ( online friends , don't have real ones sigh ) they ignore me when I say I feel crap .I hope it's because they don't know what to say rather than they don't care , sigh .

Depression sets you apart from the world, which is a state the human mind has evolved to find distressing - consequently, some folks deny their depression (even to themselves), to better fit in & to avoid ignorant stigma. From my own experience, it is easy to mentally block out the memory of bad periods, for fear that not doing so, may let them back in.

And although I kick myself for doing so, my regular response to "How are you doing?" remains "Not so bad", even if I'm in the depths of quiet desperation - 99.999% of the time, it's simply easier not to expand further on how I'm actually feeling.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by marvin_pa

Depression sets you apart from the world, which is a state the human mind has evolved to find distressing - consequently, some folks deny their depression (even to themselves), to better fit in & to avoid ignorant stigma. From my own experience, it is easy to mentally block out the memory of bad periods, for fear that not doing so, may let them back in.

And although I kick myself for doing so, my regular response to "How are you doing?" remains "Not so bad", even if I'm in the depths of quiet desperation - 99.999% of the time, it's simply easier not to expand further on how I'm actually feeling.

I agree. I do that a lot too. I say I am fine when I’m not. At times I may say okay or could be better but I won’t let anyone know just how down I feel.

[dlantern]

Two hour talks can make you feel important especially if genuine. I still think that is a important facet to moving coming to terms to things. It will ultimately help you enjoy life then also it will help you allow your light to shine to people. One day, exchange the same pleasantries to folks that are deserving the same kindness. Showing the mix of feelings that are appropriate to relate, not only that not being so frazzled to go about life doing the next best thing.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by dlantern

Two hour talks can make you feel important especially if genuine. I still think that is a important facet to moving coming to terms to things. It will ultimately help you enjoy life then also it will help you allow your light to shine to people. One day, exchange the same pleasantries to folks that are deserving the same kindness. Showing the mix of feelings that are appropriate to relate, not only that not being so frazzled to go about life doing the next best thing.

I agree. Talking can be theraputic.

People say ignorant stuff all the time. Their goal is to say something that makes *themselves* feel better.

They are self soothing because they can’t let something as inconvenient as your suffering interfere with their belief system that they would never succumb to such “nonsense.”

They will someday get a big dose of this medicine. As soon as they have a death in the family, people will do the same thing to them.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by key tones

People say ignorant stuff all the time. Their goal is to say something that makes *themselves* feel better.

They are self soothing because they can’t let something as inconvenient as your suffering interfere with their belief system that they would never succumb to such “nonsense.”

They will someday get a big dose of this medicine. As soon as they have a death in the family, people will do the same thing to them.

Exactly, I totally agree with you.

[CoryAR]

People who haven’t experienced clinical depression cannot sympathize with us because they have no experience having it. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone directly tell me to snap out of it, but I’ve had people ask what I have to be depressed about. Sometimes there is no exact reason, it can be from an infinite number of things that often we don’t even realize. I probably feel down from my inability to have a relationship or have enough confidence in myself to even open up to people, then again it could all be contributed by a chemical imbalance, lack of sleep, what I had for lunch, a number of factors that may not even be a result of how I’m feeling. Depression is definitely real, we can all speak from experience and it wouldn’t be such a well-known thing if it weren’t real. My grandma says back in her day if you told people you were depressed they’d think you’re crazy, but with advances in medical and technology a lot of people have come to understand how real depression really is. People that think a clinically depressed person can just snap out of it need to think outside of the box and not ridicule us for having something we don’t even want to deal with in the first place.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by CoryAR

People who haven’t experienced clinical depression cannot sympathize with us because they have no experience having it. I don’t think I’ve ever had someone directly tell me to snap out of it, but I’ve had people ask what I have to be depressed about. Sometimes there is no exact reason, it can be from an infinite number of things that often we don’t even realize. I probably feel down from my inability to have a relationship or have enough confidence in myself to even open up to people, then again it could all be contributed by a chemical imbalance, lack of sleep, what I had for lunch, a number of factors that may not even be a result of how I’m feeling. Depression is definitely real, we can all speak from experience and it wouldn’t be such a well-known thing if it weren’t real. My grandma says back in her day if you told people you were depressed they’d think you’re crazy, but with advances in medical and technology a lot of people have come to understand how real depression really is. People that think a clinically depressed person can just snap out of it need to think outside of the box and not ridicule us for having something we don’t even want to deal with in the first place.

I agree. People shpuldn’t tell those with depression to snap out of it. It is inconsiderate.

[DoggieDad]

Here's my take - I don't think most of these people are uncaring or mean or don't want to be bothered. I believe it's because they've been "sad" before and equate that sadness with depression, not realizing the vast difference. And they were, after a relatively short period of time, able to "snap out of it". So, if they can, you can. Even though it's two totally different things.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by DoggieDad

Here's my take - I don't think most of these people are uncaring or mean or don't want to be bothered. I believe it's because they've been "sad" before and equate that sadness with depression, not realizing the vast difference. And they were, after a relatively short period of time, able to "snap out of it". So, if they can, you can. Even though it's two totally different things.

Yeah that can happen too. They may not realize just how depressed someone truely is or could think just they are just going through a period of short term general sadness that most people deal with from time to time. I can see how that can happen and how some people can react that way.