Vacation hasn't been easy

Even though all I desire to do is stay under my blanket and disappear, I've been managing to stay somewhat active on this vacation. It's something, at least. I'm not doing it for myself as much as I am for my family. Last night, though, I began experiencing some disturbing hallucinations and intrusive thoughts while my little sister was with me. I had been having issues throughout the day but had been able to hide it, up until last night. I began stuttering like a fool and unable to keep a train of thought. It all has me feeling anxious and even more depressed today. My brother keeps wanting to do something and is getting annoyed at my desire to just stay inside. It's like, I go outside and I have to fight the unrelenting urge to run back in and "sleep". I keep having stress dreams and nightmares, too. I'm not sleeping all that much or very well when I do. I know not sleeping is making my mind act up even more, so I'm really wanting to lay down and see if I can get some, but my brother doesn't understand that. He can stay up for days and be fine (he also has insomnia), so he thinks I can too. I hate to say that that isn't how it works, not with me. The longer I'm awake with repeated interruption to my sleep, the worse all of my psychological issues become. I'm only on this vacation for a couple more days and I hope I can keep my stamina to make it through. Vacations shouldn't be this hard of work. Anyway, I'm done venting, just had to get this written down.

I'm sure your brother is just trying to help. However, you have to explain to him that what works for him doesn't necessarely work for you.

So leigheas

I hope you can manage through the next few days . Sleep in priority I hope you manage to get some . It's also horrible when sleep is what you need but you know that you will get nightmares .

..... .....

(sorry)

I am so sorry you struggle with this so much. I am proud of you for being able to "deal" with this for as long as you have. Maybe you should just take a "you" day. Sleep in and stay in bed all day. Get plenty of rest.

Tried that yesterday, they didn't quit barking at me until I got up and did what they wanted. Apparently, getting actual rest on a vacation is a sin around here. According to my brother I get enough rest at home so I need to be active here. Yeah, so much rest, that's what you call waking up in an hour from another nightmare. I'm again having difficulty getting to sleep tonight, it's 3am and I can't even lay down because I have too much anxiety. I really think I'm going to tell everyone to screw off until noon, at least. Maybe that will work and I won't feel so damn pressured to keep up with my siblings.

I've heard so much this vacation, "You're being so lazy" "Why do you sleep so much" (that one pisses me off the most considering I'm not sleeping much at all) and "Stop breaking promises." That last one shows up because I'll say that we can do an activity at a certain time, but they're either watching something or asleep when we're supposed to do it; they want to do it at their convenience instead of the original plan, but always after I lay back down because no one's moving.

I'm also hating the, "What's wrong?" Then I tell them and I get the, "That's stupid." Seriously? If that's how you're going to feel and act, how about you don't keep ****ing asking until I tell you or get mad when I don't? I don't think I'm going on another vacation for a long time after this, least of all without my fiance. This stuff always happens but he usually takes the heat off me a bit and actually understands to a degree (what he doesn't understand, he still respects). I know they care but they need to crawl down out of my *** for a bit and let me breathe. I've been running around this whole week with them, give me a "lazy" day damn it.