Intense Emotions

Yesterday I experienced some heavy feelings or emotions. I'm not really sure what they were, where they came from or how to describe. I've been with treatment resistant depression for about 4 years now, I've tried a number of medications, a few different therapists, all of the jargon that they suggest you try changing and improving. I'm at a bit of a loss. I'm in the midst of starting out with a new therapist which is frustrating because it's like starting over again only from a new point in life. It's hard because we're in the 'getting to know each other stage', and that's not what I need right now.

Back to the Emotions. Yesterday's, moment, was somewhat concerning because it felt so incredibly strong, and the more attention I gave it, or the more I tried to sit with it and listen to what it had to say, the more intense it got. I don't see a way forward, I don't see a way out of this pit. It feels like I'm never going to find 'my place' in this world. It's not that I feel that I don't fit in with certain people, or my career, or my family. I don't feel like I belong in this life. I just can't seem to find a fulfilling way to live through each day. I have absolutely no intentions of putting an end to my existence. I just want this to end. I have no reason to feel this way. I can't find meaning behind anything that I feel, and I can't find meaning to life.

I'm worried that psychotherapy is not going to solve anything. Is it time that i tried another anti-depressant? I just don't know. What I felt yesterday, felt more ingrained than anything I have ever felt. Like it is a part of me that I will never be able to change.

Wow.

This past January I was desperate with feelings so strong they were almost convictions, very much like what you are feeling. Turned out I have depression, anxiety, and my PCP has me on anti depressant, anti anxiety, and referred me to a therapist. I am so much better (not cured) but it's not just the drugs. It's the research I've done and this web site! I hope you get the help and information you need.

Antidepressants and therapy didn’t work out well for me. The various antidepressants I tried would work well at first and then the side effects would kick in and eventually it didn’t seem like they were helping. I tried several therapists and couldn’t connect with them - except for one and that was 20 years ago. I have found journaling to be very helpful. I also like to read self help books sometimes. Walking is my main therapy. I walk 2-3 miles and I always feel better afterward. Joining this forum has helped me, even in just the short time I’ve been here. I also started taking SAMe and that seems to be helping my mood without the side effects of antidepressants. Best of luck to you. I hope you find something that helps you.

Hi. Yes, I think talk to your doctor about your depression concerns and about the question of trying different meds as well. And just take it from there 20oney, keep plugging away, and there's a good chance you'll conquer this. You'll be okay.