[Brina1891]

I wonder if things ever do get better. I bust my *** trying to get my life straightened out and I get knocked back to the begining. I have been in therapy since June 07 and on and off since I was 15. I suffer from severe depression, bipolar disorder, social anxiety, post traumatic stress, and several really bad phobias. So my Psych tells me to apply for Social Security so I do and low and behold two weeks later I am denied. This is the second time in a year. I call them and they tell me I can't get it b/c I don't have enough work credits but I can apply for SSI which you don't have to have work credits for. I had the phone interview and explained this to the caseworker and never heard anything back from them. That was over a month ago. On top of that right now I am only on Topamax 400mg a day b/c I haven't been able to get back in to see the doctor. I was on Buspar and Ambien, they didn't work for me either. I have crying spells all the time, I even broke down at my last therapy appointment. Then the holidays are here and it isn't exactly the greatest time of year for my family. We have lost several close family memebers over the past 15 years around this time of year. I have to live with family in order to take care of my children which I HATE not my kids the living with family part. I'm constantly arguing with someone over something. My moods are somewhat stable b/c of the Topamax but the depression and everything else is worse. I'm so tired of living like this. I just want to be normal for once in my life. I try and try to be a good mother but everyone around me is constantly telling me how bad of a mother I am. Everyone is always telling me I am too high strung, I need to take time for myself once in a while, that I need to quit being so nasty when people criticize me. What do they expect of me? They do not help me out at all when it comes to my kids, I have to beg just to be able to take a shower alone without my kids in the bathroom with me b/c they won't watch them for 10 minutes. They all have answers to my problems but yet when I ask for help they run and hide. It is just too much for me anymore.I don't know what to do. I talk to my therapist and she tells me to go for a walk to clear my head. I can't clear my head my thoughts run a mile a minute and besides it is hard to clear your head when you have two screaming kids beside you b/c they don't want to walk, or being in so much physical pain from health problems you can't walk to far. It is all overwhelming anymore.

[Cthomas]

My family used to do a lot of the same things. Have all the answers and run away when i needed them.......seems to be all to common huh?

Im not working currently, and bills are not being paid. I have also lost a lot of people i cared for in a short amount of time. This is what I try to do. i say TRY because sometimes it just dont work. I break down each problem, and only tackle one at a time. Like the SS issue you are having. Focus on THAT. and the kids. let everything else go. Try to. its the only thing that will keep your sanity in check. The one thing I have learned from the boards here is that YOU take care of YOU. nobody else. Even though you are depressed or at times hate ourselves, i know that i care enough to keep going for ME. not for them.

So take a deep breath, and hug those wonderful kids. they are the reasons you are doing so well right? ;-)

Take it easy and let us know how you are doing ok? we care here......btw....it HAS to get better right?

Colleen

[nowheretorun]

i guess no one believes me.... it does get better.... now i am going to sulk... sucks trying to tell people something and not being believed...

[Cthomas]

I believe it gets better. Im just having a heck of a time right now...... But i DO believe it gets better.....

Thanks for caring so much! It helps...more than you know.
Colleen

[nowheretorun]

i know i dont know you (((((C))))) but heres a hug anyway... and ((((Brina)))) believe it....