Destined To Off Myself

I think I am truly destined to do it. It's like the worlds strongest magnetic pull, tugging at my inner most being; and the relief will only come when I stop fighting that "pull" and just give in to it... and do it.


I don't care any more; and frankly I do not care to care.

I care. Maybe it is a trick of the mind, tempting and demanding and pulling, but it's like an evil awful joke. Only problem is you would be gone and NO ONE knows for sure what the other side will present. Wow, what a terrible risk. Please seek help: go to the ER or call in an emergency right now.

I don't believe in destiny, never have or ever will. I do, however, understand that tugging feeling. Even now, I feel it... I feel it bad. I guess I just don't like being told what to do

In all seriousness, not caring to even care is a telltale symptom that's common in depression. A symptom that can be treated in a lot of cases. I understand not caring to fight it, up until this past week I felt the same. I don't know what's changed for me, maybe I'm tired of misery. There's this line from a song by Our Last Night, "I won't go to my grave until a difference is made." I guess I just don't feel as though I've made enough of a difference to be granted the right to die. Maybe I'm a masochist.

I really hope you keep fighting this and flip off that tug from death's door. I'm here if you need me and/or want to talk, or even just want a distraction (I have plenty of crude jokes and barely any filter ).

I have felt this way before, and I can promise you that if you get the right treatment things can get better. Please go to the ER and tell them how you're feeling.