[Fuzzybear]

When people hurt your heart, how do you react or respond?

With me, I don’t have only one reaction or response, it varies, who it is, how long we’ve known each other, whether they are a “relative” etc..

I would like to be “healthier” whatever that means. But I’m me. Nobody can change or “fix” that.

Hugs to all

Normally I delete and retreat. Block them everywhere and come back later. If I allow myself to react I have the potential to be explosive and I dont feel good about that.

[sugarbeeMe]

When I consider hurtful comments made by people, I think about their intentions. Do I think they have my best interests at heart? If yes- I speak up and explain my uneasiness. If my sense is that the offender does NOT have my interest in their heart and they are hurting me- I cut them out of my life, f-them!
I suppose there are certain people I must continue communication with- like icky coworkers or really messed up relatives. Then I impose super strong boundaries of straight to the point information, nothing more, nothing less.
It’s tough with bosses who are selfish and need ego massaging- cause I won’t do it. Thank God for unions.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl2

Normally I delete and retreat. Block them everywhere and come back later. If I allow myself to react I have the potential to be explosive and I dont feel good about that.

It sounds like you know yourself TheSadGirl2, and that this is the healthiest response for you. Thanks for replying

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by sugarbeeMe

When I consider hurtful comments made by people, I think about their intentions. Do I think they have my best interests at heart? If yes- I speak up and explain my uneasiness. If my sense is that the offender does NOT have my interest in their heart and they are hurting me- I cut them out of my life, f-them!
I suppose there are certain people I must continue communication with- like icky coworkers or really messed up relatives. Then I impose super strong boundaries of straight to the point information, nothing more, nothing less.
It’s tough with bosses who are selfish and need ego massaging- cause I won’t do it. Thank God for unions.

Thanks for replying, I can relate to much of this (and I think plenty of others probably can too

[besmith818]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

When people hurt your heart, how do you react or respond?

With me, I don’t have only one reaction or response, it varies, who it is, how long we’ve known each other, whether they are a “relative” etc..

I would like to be “healthier” whatever that means. But I’m me. Nobody can change or “fix” that.

Hugs to all

My initial response seems always to be cutting all ties with the person, whether temporarily out permanently. One of my issues is that I act before really thinking about what actually happened to lead to the hurt. I have been struggling with this lately with someone I was dating. I misunderstood how serious the relationship was after I was already emotionally invested. I overreacted to the news that she was not as serious as I was.

[nicoleflynn]

I think it is important to say....When you said that....it made me feel....fill in the blanks. I think it is important to protect ourselves. That person will either argue with you or apologize.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by besmith818

My initial response seems always to be cutting all ties with the person, whether temporarily out permanently. One of my issues is that I act before really thinking about what actually happened to lead to the hurt. I have been struggling with this lately with someone I was dating. I misunderstood how serious the relationship was after I was already emotionally invested. I overreacted to the news that she was not as serious as I was.

I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. I usually don’t “over react” like I used to sometimes do. Unless it’s with a doctor, I can’t seem to get the hang of explaining what I require from them in 11 seconds .... so I avoid them whenever I can or I just say “everything is fine” - once a year

I have brought in a short note a couple of times, and one of the friendlier doctors said something about a “laundry list” .. I don’t live in the USA



I guess it’s nuts to get hurt by doctors, they are there to “serve” us ... except it appears to be that sometimes (often) they don’t. JMO.

(Btw I’ve found GP’s the worst. Over here. Almost zero time...............)

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

I think it is important to say....When you said that....it made me feel....fill in the blanks. I think it is important to protect ourselves. That person will either argue with you or apologize.

Thanks, this is good advice. Thanks for posting

[Fuzzybear]

Btw this thread wasn’t meant to be about doctors, I guess it’s on my mind... I can’t always avoid them, they won’t let me consult the vet...

So please no advice about doctors, my post was off topic

This topic has been on my mind lately. I’ve pulled back from people quite a bit in recent months and it feels comfortable now whereas I used to really want connections with others. I’m wondering if I’ve given up on most relationships and sunk into a depression. Or have I just peacefully accepted things as they are? I really don’t know. But I do know that I’m tired of being hurt by people and I don’t care to put myself out there anymore. Even social media irritates me and I always used to enjoy the positive aspects of staying connected on social media. I used to try and build friendships and a social life. I used to try to work on some of my family relationships. I’ve pretty much let most of it go... except hubby and some volunteer work that I find rewarding.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

This topic has been on my mind lately. I’ve pulled back from people quite a bit in recent months and it feels comfortable now whereas I used to really want connections with others. I’m wondering if I’ve given up on most relationships and sunk into a depression. Or have I just peacefully accepted things as they are? I really don’t know. But I do know that I’m tired of being hurt by people and I don’t care to put myself out there anymore. Even social media irritates me and I always used to enjoy the positive aspects of staying connected on social media. I used to try and build friendships and a social life. I used to try to work on some of my family relationships. I’ve pretty much let most of it go... except hubby and some volunteer work that I find rewarding.

Thanks for sharing .. I’m not sure of the “answer” to this, if there is one, I’m happy you’re posting here though

It does get tiring being hurt by people. I haven’t given up on the good people though

[ShadowGX]

When people hurt my heart I tend to bite them. Or claw them. Or sometimes both. That's if it's intentional or careless hurt. If I think they hurt me on accident I just do my best to remember that they care and didn't mean it, then I try to tell them what hurt me and not to do it again, then maybe a love bite.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

When people hurt my heart I tend to bite them. Or claw them. Or sometimes both. That's if it's intentional or careless hurt. If I think they hurt me on accident I just do my best to remember that they care and didn't mean it, then I try to tell them what hurt me and not to do it again, then maybe a love bite.

Well... I don’t bite or claw them usually.. maybe I “should”

Because it’s not ok to hurt Fuzzybear.

If people took the time to think I might not have to keep trimming my claws.

It gets very boring.

Hugs to you

[mote.of.soul]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

When people hurt your heart, how do you react or respond?

With me, I don’t have only one reaction or response, it varies, who it is, how long we’ve known each other, whether they are a “relative” etc..

I would like to be “healthier” whatever that means. But I’m me. Nobody can change or “fix” that.

Hugs to all

Hi Fuzzy. Yes, I feel the same way, in terms of my reaction varying from case to case. I used to internalize maybe all of my hurt feelings - still do to an extent - but over time, I felt that I was sort of doing myself a disservice by allowing people to get away with their belittling or undermining or even outright insulting me, with their view that I would simply accept it. So, if I'm able to disregard it, I will, after all people are just people, I'm a person too. But if there are times when I feel a verbal expression of my feelings are required, then that's what I need to do for my own sense of self respect. You see, my self esteem/self worth have never been the best, even after years of trying to build them up, but my self respect is not poor, and so that's something I try not let get undermined. People think they can ride roughshod over everyone but they can't.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts about that and thanks for letting me share them here, good Fuzzy. Thank you.

((((many bear hugs & blessings too!!))))

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Hi Fuzzy. Yes, I feel the same way, in terms of my reaction varying from case to case. I used to internalize maybe all of my hurt feelings - still do to an extent - but over time, I felt that I was sort of doing myself a disservice by allowing people to get away with their belittling or undermining or even outright insulting me, with their view that I would simply accept it. So, if I'm able to disregard it, I will, after all people are just people, I'm a person too. But if there are times when I feel a verbal expression of my feelings are required, then that's what I need to do for my own sense of self respect. You see, my self esteem/self worth have never been the best, even after years of trying to build them up, but my self respect is not poor, and so that's something I try not let get undermined. People think they can ride roughshod over everyone but they can't.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts about that and thanks for letting me share them here, good Fuzzy. Thank you.

((((many bear hugs & blessings too!!))))

Thanks for sharing ((((((( mote.of.soul ))))))) I can relate to a lot of this

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by sugarbeeMe

When I consider hurtful comments made by people, I think about their intentions. Do I think they have my best interests at heart? If yes- I speak up and explain my uneasiness. If my sense is that the offender does NOT have my interest in their heart and they are hurting me- I cut them out of my life, f-them!
I suppose there are certain people I must continue communication with- like icky coworkers or really messed up relatives. Then I impose super strong boundaries of straight to the point information, nothing more, nothing less.
It’s tough with bosses who are selfish and need ego massaging- cause I won’t do it. Thank God for unions.

Good advice, many thanks,

[Rohag]

On the one hand, people rarely hurt my heart because depression+anxiety has effectively "shut down" much of my heart. My ability to feel feelings is impaired.

When people do succeed in hurting my heart, I tend to withdraw - into myself or walk away, literally or figuratively.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

On the one hand, people rarely hurt my heart because depression+anxiety has effectively "shut down" much of my heart. My ability to feel feelings is impaired.

When people do succeed in hurting my heart, I tend to withdraw - into myself or walk away, literally or figuratively.

[little turtle]

the person I am the closest to is my wife..
there is a lot of hurt there ...
we both have been hurtful....

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by little turtle

the person I am the closest to is my wife..
there is a lot of hurt there ...
we both have been hurtful....

The people who have hurt me the most are the “family” of origin

And most of the “professionals” in “real” life (Not USA)

[Calla lily12]

My "family" crushed my heart. I never thought people could be so cruel. I'm still trying to come to terms with this.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Calla lily12

My "family" crushed my heart. I never thought people could be so cruel. I'm still trying to come to terms with this.

Calla lily

My “family” wounded my heart too and yes I didn’t think that people could be so cruel I can’t say I’ve come to terms with this

(And I suppose there are always some who give unsolicited “advice”... It doesn’t help)

(Not anyone here)

I’m sending gentle hugs