Heartache Pt 2

(This is thesadgirl's new acct)

My question is: how do you know if you are coping or suppressing?

I know on some level something hurts. However I rarely feel anything. I've tried drinking, smoking pot, cigars, making new friends, getting away, you name it. Nothing makes me feel. I just woke up because I also sleep to cope. Only in my dreams do things feel quite right.

I'm not sure if I am not as bothered by certain things as I thought I was and perhaps that bothers me in itself. OR maybe I am so bothered that I can't cope and all I'm left with is sort of a numb feeling.

I feel like I'm the conductor of the crazy train, but the train is driving me. I am trying to learn to process feelings (borderline) but I just dont get it!

I think coping would be if you could think about the issue and not be upset by it or at least move on from it with relative ease, whereas suppressing means you just don't let yourself think about it. I'm not entirely sure, though that's what makes sense to me when I try to consider the differences.

Hi LostMyMuchness,

I guess, for me, that would depend on what those 'certain things' were. And if they were things I know I should feel bothered about but was not bothered, was basically numb towards, then I'd personally work on that, approach it from different angles until my feelings began to be more congruent with my thoughts or principles on the matter, or what-have-you. I think it's a case of personal growth on a particular aspect of your personality or psyche or conscious awareness. Does that make sense? Because if I'm understanding your post properly, and going by my own personal experience, it is possible to change the way you feel about certain things, yes.

But briefly on your main point: in some ways, suppressing - using various mental techniques, say - is a form of coping. To me.

Perhaps you sort of "mentally gave up"? That happened to me a coulpe of time. Sorry, I don't know if it makes sense

Perhaps. I've lost 2 really good long time friends this year and 2 more friends. Except in tiny doses, I feel nothing about it. I have the odd moment where I feel sad and then it's gone as fast as it came. If anything I feel mostly guilt for not feeling sad about these loses. I feel like I should be sad, but it's just not coming.

I appreciate the irony of being on a depression board and complaining of an inability to be sad. I'm worried these feelings are stuffed down and going to burst out one day. I'm also worried that I'm becoming heartless.

Thank you for listening.