[Skull&Crossbones]

I feel very alone and isolated right now...

I quit my job to go back to school briefly to get a much better (and higher paying job), so it means I don't get to see work friends every day. And being back in school, I'm around people at least 10 years younger than me so I don't feel like I belong. I don't know how they see me...I'm the only non-traditional student in the program and they've pretty much had all their classes together so they're all friends and know each other well and I'm just the stranger that joined them at the last second.

Almost all meetup groups I would be interested in seem to meet when I work or am otherwise busy most of the time so I can't be there on a weekly basis. Then there are the events that I'd like to go to, but it's not safe going alone (like anything at a bar, for example).

The only people I really have for company at the moment are a former coworker and my recent ex. Luckily, he still talks to me every day or I would be even worse off than I am.

I just don't know what to do to be less lonely. I'm not an introvert. I'm just really shy and have been hurt enough that it takes me a while to open up most places. Also, I've been lonely as long as I can remember. It got better last year when I worked at a place I actually fit in, but it's worse now that I don't have that place anymore. The big issue is there are very few places where I fit in. I don't usually fit in with people I have things in common with or hobby groups so there's less incentive to go that route. I can't fit in with the people I desperately want to fit in with which makes me feel so depressed. It's just hopeless I guess.

I hear you, Skull, I remember when I went back to college 5 years ago, everyone there was younger than me and I didn't fit in

[Skull&Crossbones]

I didn't fit in very well when I was the same age. I was too different when it came to gender and sexuality. And I was in the arts, so it doesn't make sense that it was so weird. And then being dumped after four years by someone partially because of the same things and being accused that I don't know who I am when I do...just I'd rather be what he likes and be accepted than be myself and not be.

So now I have a lot fewer options for a future relationship because I'm just too different. Imagine that I have to find someone who finds me attractive, sees value in me as a partner, AND accepts my sexuality and gender identity and how that informs my personality and identity.

I ache for a time and place where I can actually be out full time. I can be out around certain people and I can be out at a gay bar (although I don't feel comfortable going there alone yet), but that's it. And that's how it's always been.

[Fuzzybear]

[Skull&Crossbones]

It just seems that who I am is not lovable. I'm sure part of the reason my partner left me is because of who I am. I've lost close (and long-term) friendships because of who I am. My parents wouldn't love me anymore if they knew and I don't really have any other family anymore to speak of.

You are lovable, Skull, you deserve love and care

[Skull&Crossbones]

So why does letting people get to know me often lead me to more isolation? If I want to fit in, I have to not be myself.

How would I think I'm lovable if there really isn't anyone willing to love me. They'll love who I'm SUPPOSED to be (as in normal, straight, and completely cisgendered). I feel awful that I fell in love with a straight man and even worse that I wasn't good enough to earn his love the rest of my life.

[Skull&Crossbones]

I've been going around all day trying to find someone to talk to. I've tried talking to my ex (as we're friends), but that almost always feels like I'm invading his space. Moreso than when we were together. I've tried chat on here and on 7cups, but I don't really connect. Everyone already has their groups and doesn't want to include a newbie. Just like in real life. If you don't already have a friend group, too bad. I've talked to the listeners on 7cups but I think they've grown tired of me because the last few have been duds. Where else does one go to talk to people? I have NO idea how to enter into a "normal" conversation, especially online. It's like everyone automatically knows how to talk to people.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel so lonely. I think it requires exercise... please keep talking to people on here, or on 7 cups, ecc. and perhaps you'll get better at starting a conversation. No one will judge you here

Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones

So why does letting people get to know me often lead me to more isolation? If I want to fit in, I have to not be myself.

How would I think I'm lovable if there really isn't anyone willing to love me. They'll love who I'm SUPPOSED to be (as in normal, straight, and completely cisgendered). I feel awful that I fell in love with a straight man and even worse that I wasn't good enough to earn his love the rest of my life.

It's because some people don't know what's staring them in the face until it's too late

[Skull&Crossbones]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm sorry you feel so lonely. I think it requires exercise... please keep talking to people on here, or on 7 cups, ecc. and perhaps you'll get better at starting a conversation. No one will judge you here

Why haven't I seen improvement over the years if all it takes is practice? Why is it really easy in some places to talk to people and most places it isn't?

Originally Posted by whispershadow

It's because some people don't know what's staring them in the face until it's too late

I'm afraid it was the opposite in my case. It was discovering that I really am different and not just saying that while pretending to be normal. My prior relationship sort of forced me to come out to myself, but didn't provide the understanding and acceptance that required. Now I'm single and because I've admitted my sexuality and gender to myself, I've realized that I have a MUCH smaller pool of people to choose from that I would be both physically and emotionally compatible with.

He doesn't want to be with me. Luckily, he's being nice and still talking to me so I'm not completely alone.

[Skull&Crossbones]

Everything is too quiet now. I do everything out of obligation...there's not really anything to do for fun anymore. I can't go anywhere besides stores because it's either not fun or not safe to go to things alone. Meet up groups are all during the week when I'm usually not free.

The worst part is there's nothing to look forward to. When I was in a relationship, at least I could look forward to not spending the entire weekend alone.

I just want something concrete to look forward to, not just something in the far future with a lot of "maybes" attached to it.