[haunted]

I don't know about the rest of you but i am glad that one major holiday is over. Now there's only one more to get through for the year. It's so hard to pretend that you're o.k. in a group of people. I was expected to (and did lilke a good little soldier) to cook and host a meal for 14. I tried to be upbeat and remind my self that I like doing this. I did all of the right things. Made small talk, plans for Christmas, played cards after the meal while the men slept in front of the t.v. All of the regular things. But it was not regular for me. All of the blackness that hangs with me was stil there blurred by the effects of xanax covering me like a blanket of despair. Why doesn't this just stop????

[nowheretorun]

glad you're getting some relief for now Haunted... I didn't have the courage you had this Thanksgiving... just curled up in my man-cave and pretended the world outside was the daydream... funny though, not so funny, my eyes were opened to the Beauty though I tried resisting...

I know you know it won't "just stop"... i know you know you have to have strength, will, determination and there are still scary times we all will continue to experience... what you feel now will be your strength then... some advice i also can use now...

dig in... its a wild ride... learn now... it will be useful soon...

[sassypants]

I think you did great. I did not go out and socialize with family.

I slept most of the day. I don't feel quilty at all. Just relieved.

[Cyran0]

haunted, I love my family and did the traditional thanksgiving. But despite being around for my childhood, they don't know about my problems. Oblivious is a good word. They would be shocked that I have PTSD or OCD and would think that depression meant I was sad once. Oh, and they don't know I'm a recovering drug addict.

So I always just do my best with these holidays because, as you said, I enjoy doing this. I love my family and want to see them. It's just hard to wear the mask during these gatherings. I mean, at work is fine, but with family the pain in the background seems so wrong. One day maybe I can open up to them but until then, masquerade.

Cyran0

[Kiya]

You said it, cyran0, oblivious. i did it, too - put up with mom for the turkey day even though i was only a ghost of myself. well, i also skipped it- skipped my dad's side -kudos to self for that. two down, one to go. still not totally true to self yet, but closer. they're oblivious to any pain they might have caused, any i might feel, the cuts on my body, the ptsd, depression, they don't understand the anxiety. and DID what?! totally over their heads-change the topic- "oh honey, i just don't see why you let things upset you so" bs.
kiya

[Perna]

When I have to choose between the pretending I'm okay and the questions and "concern" if I let on that I'm not, I prefer the pretending; it's a little more comfortable and "quiet".

[Doh2007]

I've learned to dread the holidaze. I thought this year was going to be different. I was right. It was the worst Thanksgiving ever.

If I could, I wouldn't do Present Day, aka Christmas.

I laughed at the way you worded your "subject."

[Kiya]

Aye - and pretending doesn't lead to a big blowout that upsets the system for days on end. THough - I tend to have both - the blowout before hand when the changes I work at implementing get shot out of the water, and then the pretending on the day itself to just get it over with. Which means i need to plan now for xmas on getting out of the damn state.... but it never works. maybe i can find a friend's house and lay low. But al i really want is MY bed and just sleep through the whole thing. I'm like the two headed monster from Sesamie Street - can't make up my mind; prepare for the holidays and also try to avoid them and wonder why i'm still stuck.

Unfortunately I am with you on this subject. The holidays just aren't a happy time for some of us. This time of year creates a lot of anxiety for me, so I often end up sleeping from my Ativan during these family affairs.

But yes, I am thankful Thanksgiving is over!

[Fuzzybear]

[nothemama8]

hubby and I don't have Holidays with family anymore but we host dinner for ppl at our social/workshop support group, this past year we had a member staying with us and she won't go back to her own apartment she does wash for me as I can't do the stairs , but it would be nice to have my homne back
Kiya - Love your atavar siggy, I have a Tee shirt that says that
Angie

[nowheretorun]

now that's a real pickle to be in!

[SingDanceRunLife]

Oh heck yes.

I wasn't excited for Thanksgiving in the first place, and, it wasn't a very good day at all...

Definitely the worst Thanksgiving of my life.

Plus, Thanksgiving means that Christmas is right around the corner. And normally, I would be super excited for that, but this year, I'm not. Truthfully, I kinda wish that I could just skip it.

[AAAAA]

One down, one to go, and only a month to recover.