Help

My grandfather just died and I am at a point in my life where I can’t take things anymore. I have been depressed for more than three years now, been in therapy for two, and on antidepressants for almost as long. I have been through three partial hospitalization programs, all of which seemed to help at the time but none of which had a lasting effect. At first I thought my depression was situational but I’ve realized that regardless of how great things are going, I will always be extremely depressed for a decent amount of my time. Both of my parents have made it clear that I have to stay strong for the family this week, and I don’t want to burden them any further, but I’m super suicidal right now. I know my family can’t take another heartbreak this week, but I don’t know what to do with myself.

Would talking through the grief do you any good? I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Well... I have to say I just finished replying to your first post, here on PC, where you wrote you were happy to report you had recovered from depression... for which you said you are incredibly grateful. Now, here in this post, you write that you've been depressed for more than 3 years, been in therapy for 2, been on antidepressants, been through 3 partial hospital programs, & are feeling super suicidal. So I have to admit I'm a bit confused.

If you really are feeling super suicidal what you need to do is to reach out in real life for the help you need. Under those circumstances, the fact that your parents want you to be strong for the family is really beside the point it seems to me. As I wrote in my reply to your first post, we here on PC want to be as supportive as possible. But realistically there's obviously only so much we can do. Suicidal thinking is not something to mess around with. It's important to seek professional mental health care for it. So if you're still seeing a therapist, perhaps reach out to that person. Otherwise talk to your parents... or someone else. The thing you don't want to do it to try to simply continue to stuff down what you are feeling. And then, in the meantime, consider continuing to post here on PC. Writing about how you're feeling can help too. My best wishes to you.

I'm sorry you are feeling so badly. It's hard to be strong when you don't feel strong. If you need to go to the hospital to be safe. Your safety is most important. (((hugs))) Kit.

First of all, sorry for your loss.
I have had the same exact situation myself when my grandfather passed away and I was feeling the pressure to be strong but didn't feel like I could be and feeling suicidal. What I did was pray that I would feel okay enough to be helpful the next day every night. You can also watch something, sleep in, and/or have a treat, if that's what it will take to keep you going. I did some of those things as well. Good luck and know I definitely hear yu.

I’m sorry for the loss of your grandfather. Please stay safe. Reach out for help if you need to. Keep posting here if it helps.