Need to get this out

Hi everyone,

I really just need a place to put this right now. I've been doing fairly well for a couple months, feeling like "wow, my depression really was a phase". Spoiler alert, I'm in the hole, lmao. I was feeling really well, managing to care for myself and my pets like a functional human being. Now suddenly I'm reminded even if I was feeling well, I'm still not enjoying any of my old hobbies, or anything besides sleeping to be honest.

My SO visited me recently for two weeks, and it was the best two weeks of my life. We've been dating for two and a half years and have known each other for five and a half, but hadn't met until this point. We're going to see each other again within the next few months, but after him being here it makes me realize how empty my life is. I just finished school in June, and I'm trying to decide whether I want to do college or get a job right now. I basically do nothing all day, and I don't have any motivation to try.

I'm honestly at this point so bad that I'm not sure how I'm going to live. I just keep thinking about how unmotivated I am, and how that's going to lead to failure in everything I do. I dread getting up every day, so how would I keep a job? I didn't do well in school either, so nobody is going to want to hire me. I know that's an issue I just said that, but even after years with my therapist I can't find any worth in myself.

Sorry, this post is a disorganized dump, but I needed to get it out.

Im probably not the best one to reply because i struggle so much with motivation and don't have any good advice . but i saw you had no replies yet so I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you . you got out of that hole before and you will do it again . keep posting if it helps . i will certainly listen .try to do one nice thing for yourself today. Even if its a relaxing bubble bath or a nice meal . i really hope you feel better soon .

Oh i see now there is another poster here .that's good i hope you get lots more