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Old Nov 06, 2018, 10:27 AM
socksbaby socksbaby is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2017
Location: New York
Posts: 13
I don’t want to die, because I’ve seen how beautiful life can be. I’ve felt blissfully happy. And yet every time I’m happy it’s just temporary and soon replaced by overwhelming depression. I don’t know what I can do anymore to escape it. I’ve been feeling this way ever since I was raped at 16.

I need to do something to change my life because like I said I can not live like this anymore. I always change my appearance, dye my hair, things like that to feel a temporary rush like I’m a different person, but at the end of the day I can’t escape the depression.

I am 18 years old in college, I live at home. My life is for the most part mundane. I hook up with a lot of guys to feel less alone but it never helps. Every time I’m in a relationship and happy it ends because I am unloveable. I have ADHD and an eating disorder. I’m in therapy and on antidepressants and I still feel this way. I don’t know what to do anymore. I was thinking of leaving my city with my best friend and moving across the country, but I fear this depression will just follow me to wherever I go. I learned a while ago that nobody cares so I’m sorry for venting I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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Fuzzybear, mote.of.soul, Sunflower123

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  #2  
Old Nov 06, 2018, 10:45 AM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,637
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mote.of.soul, Sunflower123
  #3  
Old Nov 06, 2018, 02:45 PM
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Sunflower123 Sunflower123 is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 26,579
Hello. A warm welcome to PC. I care and I’m sorry you are struggling. Please keep posting here so we can support you.
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mote.of.soul
  #4  
Old Nov 06, 2018, 09:34 PM
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mote.of.soul mote.of.soul is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2018
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 13,796
Hi,

I can tell you're not unlovable socksbaby. Being young is quite a maze to get through but you will get through it. Hold on to all those beautiful things you see about life, cherish them. They can be quite a powerful incentive. There's every chance as time goes by that things will change for you - that happened to me and I feel blessed.

Stay strong and keep reaching out as well. People care. You just have to find them.

Perhaps some kind of group for mental health would be a good support in your real life too?
Hugs from:
Sunflower123
  #5  
Old Nov 08, 2018, 11:43 AM
Anonymous445852
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Posts: n/a
Even though I can't meet you, I'm concerned. Can you get a counselor or therapist to work through the trauma of the rape? I hope you keep posting as you wish. There are many helpful people here who do care.
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Sunflower123
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