Gratitude?

Oooh very nice! You should go for it!

I love small acts of kindness. No kindness is too small. A car letting me into a long line of traffic... someone waving thank you when I let them in a long line of traffic.... someone holding a door for me... a kind smile... I am grateful for all these things each day.

I am grateful for

- Video games. If I opt to get a job after finishing my bachelor's, I'd spend most of my free time on the gaming consoles (PS4 pro, or whatever that comes after it from Sony) Really, nothing is fun as enjoying the little pleasures. And I've been always the fantasizing type, so +1 point.

- My books. I am so excited to read the first volume of Feynman's lectures, that I haven't read it yet and I am going back through older texts, like my 11th standard physics textbook. There are remaining two parts of Feynman's lectures, but I am not going to order the second before I completely devour the first and the third before I completely devour the second.

- YouTube. It reminds me of a time when I used to watch videos of surgeries and observe the surgery, just to make sure I won't be unprepared for med school. I never made it to med school. However, even as I regret not studying and instead doing the typical teenage stuff, my experience taught me one good lesson - To always be persistent. Or it will all go in vain.

-Positive thinking. I could do the lab work most of the times for my lab exams. Just as my psychiatrist always told me, I can do whatever i want if I think positively and give the effort. I just need the confidence.

- Cosmology. It was through Stephen Hawking I was introduced to cosmology. I really think if I had formally opted for physics I would have specialized in cosmology in the near future, but well that's not possible anymore. HOWEVER, I can always appreciate cosmology as I appreciate music. I may not be able to play the piano, but I can appreciate it. Similar to cosmology, I may never get to do a thesis on cosmology but I can appreciate it and if I work hard enough give a theory of everything eventually.

- And finally, the ability to do research on a theory of everything or quantum gravity. There is already a thing called 'string theory', but no respectable physicist seems to appreciate it. And, although I haven't reached the level of mathematical proficency yet just to understand string theory, I do not either. See, there are no miracle people. I honestly think, if I work with enough hard work and dedication, I will able to "do" quantum mechanics before I go to the institute of my dreams for my MSc/PhD. I already own a copy of Introduction to Quantum Mechanics by David J. Griffiths. I am not a miracle person, since I did not opt for mathematics I am struggling to get past the first chapter's second section, which is about statistical interpretation of the wave function.

I am having a hard time understanding the very first few pages of the book, because I have barely any knowledge of integral calculus. Integral calculus is just the reversal of differential calculus but I am having a hard time getting it around my head. The internet is a very good tool but my source just keeps referring to trigonometric functions, which I fail to memorize. Whatever, I gotta stop being lazy and work hard enough.

Back to the main point, WHY I appreciate the theory of everything - If I manage to give a widely accepted theory on quantum gravity, I will accomplish a sense of self-fulfillment, that I have done something in my life, if anything. I did not opt for physics unfortunately but that should not stop me. I want to be known as the scientist who overcame the odds. I am already informally learning physics, keeping up with my competitors in the US, UK or elsewhere in the world where the student is taught the very basics in the right way. Which means, statistically and logically, I am behind my peers by a light year. There's so much stuff going in the scientific community already about quantum gravity. If I don't hurry the hell up, I'd have a hard time.

Thank you for reading. Today's post is a bit verbal, but I really need to write things down to get them out of my head. It's my own little CBT.

Today I am grateful

to feel better than yesterday
that two kind PC friends comforted me
for useful info from my brother
for a new day
for breakfast and coffee

Today I am grateful for

my new tower fan with remote control
the treasures I’m finding as I clean my bedroom
cucumber melon moisturizer
caffeine
the upcoming drum circle my daughter and I are attending

Food.
Water.
Clothing.

Grateful that:

-- I've had the house to myself for a good part of the day
-- My urinary antibiotic worked

Today I am grateful

for my walk outside
the sound of happy birds chirping
the scent of a fresh season
my body for supporting me day and night
flowers of every hue

“To understand the power and the mystery of gratitude, you have to experience it for yourself. So why not begin by deciding to find 100 things a day to be grateful for? If you practice gratitude every day it won’t take long before gratitude is your natural state of being, and when that happens you will have unlocked one of the greatest secrets to life.”

Found this on Facebook and LOVE the idea of coming up with **100** things a day. Sounds powerful to me.

Today I am grateful for

putting my feet up after a hard day’s work
my pets who always comfort me when I’m down
the smell of the Hyacinth my daughter brought me for Easter
the large snowball bush blooming in the back yard
my dear friends on PC all of whom I send warm wishes

Today I am grateful

that a bad depressive spell is lifting
that I remained calm when I felt like reacting
for colorful jumbo paperclips
for colored ink pens
for high heels

I am grateful for

- Summer
- The ability to get a job. Whatever it may be... even a stipend for PhD would do in the almost-near future.

Thanks for this. I don't think I'd have time to write 100 every day but I do ~ five each day. I don't think the volume of gratitude matters as much as repeated mindful practice.

Today I’m grateful for

finding a therapist who is the best I’ve ever had
resolving an old adoption wound
another beautiful day
a great phone conversation with my daughter who will be home in 8 days
flip flops (I know I say this a lot but I do live in them)

Today I am grateful

for connections on PC
for food
for hot coffee
for the ability to do my own chores
that my home is so clean and tidy I'll probably win some sort of award!

"finding a therapist who is the best I’ve ever had"

That is fantastic news Jennifer!

Today I am grateful for

candlelight
my positive notebooks
my mood calendar
dining out
sharp trench coat and boots

some stable time that I can actually use to post on here.

I really miss being here as much as I like to be, but when you're not stable, it's not really safe....

don't want to do things I'll regret

being able to help out a friend with the lyrics to a song, then actually keeping the song for myself to add to my playlist

I am grateful for


- Richard Feynman. Just read the first chapter of his volume I on Physics yesterday and I was blown away by how much simple it is, rather than how everybody complains over the internet that Feynman's lectures are not for beginners. Looking forward getting Volume II and Volume III.

- TheRadBrad. He's an amazing YouTuber and I simply don't get bored of his walkthroughs. Since I cannot afford the gaming consoles or games, I feel pleasure in watching his videos.

Today I am grateful for

a voice
an open mind
the capacity for tenderness and empathy
sunshine
my animals

Today I am grateful for:

a nap with my pets
beautiful weather
air conditioning
evolving in respect to understanding my depression and anxiety
cherry Crystal Light

I am grateful for

- The TV series Mr.Robot. A lot about it can be said. But I find the song ' by Julie Andrews (it was premiered in Season 3) to be more fitting to both my life and that of Elliot Alderson. "So walk me back home, my darling, tell me dreams really come true. Whistling, whistling, in the dark with you."

- My relatives.

- A hope for a somehow better future.

I am grateful for

my new bears
hugs
that gratitude still exists within depression
daylight
'Modern Family'

Today I am grateful for:

thunderstorms after dark. I love listening to the rain and my pets are extra cuddly.

my health

a workbook that helped me better understand my anxiety. Hopefully, I can better manage it now.

health insurance

sunny, breezy days like today