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  #26  
Old Feb 15, 2019, 10:51 PM
mikimostar mikimostar is offline
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Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thirty shades View Post
The world can shut us down. They don't listen to us...

There is no understanding of our needs....

Choose who you can talk to safely without judgement. Therapists are trained to offload us ASAP.

It feels to me like they turn on us because they have no answers. I have spoken to ones who ask me "what help do I need?" If we knew that we would not be there....

Many care here
Much love to you

I am a student of social work in the USA and our Code of Ethic stated that client self determination is a key of success. With masters degree social worker becomes counselor and that is what we ask clients .. what we are trained for.. but if you have many problems that you need to express a good counselor will ask you what you want to work first.. not what help do you need.. after all we are not experts on your life.. sorry .. I do not want to be rude.. I am just offering perspective on things..

I hope you will find a good counselor who will ask you what you want to work on first.. I know some of them do not listen.. at all..
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All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.

Leo Tolstoy
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  #27  
Old Feb 16, 2019, 02:58 AM
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Thirty shades Thirty shades is offline
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Member Since: Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 4,816
Quote:
Originally Posted by mikimostar View Post
I am a student of social work in the USA and our Code of Ethic stated that client self determination is a key of success. With masters degree social worker becomes counselor and that is what we ask clients .. what we are trained for.. but if you have many problems that you need to express a good counselor will ask you what you want to work first.. not what help do you need.. after all we are not experts on your life.. sorry .. I do not want to be rude.. I am just offering perspective on things..

I hope you will find a good counselor who will ask you what you want to work on first.. I know some of them do not listen.. at all..
I appreciate you have such options in the USA but here in the UK, we do not have good counseling available. Six sessions of CBT is your lot.

Our NHS is overstretched and set up for those with thinking problems. Deep issues are rejected or ignored. They are worried that you may become dependent on counseling and offload you for the fear of this. My GP accepts that I am not going to get better as he has nowhere to refer me for treatment. Here doctors do harm to people with MI by rejecting them further and blaming them for their health. We are known here as "those kind of people."

I wish you well with your career. Thankfully you are not studying in the UK.
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  #28  
Old Feb 16, 2019, 06:47 PM
mikimostar mikimostar is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thirty shades View Post
I appreciate you have such options in the USA but here in the UK, we do not have good counseling available. Six sessions of CBT is your lot.

Our NHS is overstretched and set up for those with thinking problems. Deep issues are rejected or ignored. They are worried that you may become dependent on counseling and offload you for the fear of this. My GP accepts that I am not going to get better as he has nowhere to refer me for treatment. Here doctors do harm to people with MI by rejecting them further and blaming them for their health. We are known here as "those kind of people."

I wish you well with your career. Thankfully you are not studying in the UK.

I am so sorry to hear this . Now, I am mad .. this does not make any sense. After all it I am lucky to be in the USA for the sake of my own treatment opportunities.


I got a better picture why so many on this discussion board is from UK.

After all, peer support is evidence based and shown as effective as part of the treatment.
We are all in the same boat..
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All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.

Leo Tolstoy
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  #29  
Old Feb 17, 2019, 12:42 AM
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Crypts_Of_The_Mind Crypts_Of_The_Mind is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,099
This seems to be a therapeutic thread for some. I encourage you to continue using it. I am going to bow out of it now - both bc I was never able to adequately describe what I intended and bc it is not as bad as it was formerly.

I do wish all of you well with the varying similar issues you are dealing with. If you would like to talk, I am only a PM away. *hugs*
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  #30  
Old Feb 17, 2019, 04:06 AM
Haunted Rain Haunted Rain is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2019
Location: USA
Posts: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind View Post
I honestly already do this - have for years. Because of this my family and I have very few conversations per year and when we do, they generally range anywhere from 5-15 minutes. However, unless I am to quit socializing altogether, that is not going to resolve all my issues. These are not people who tell me what a rotten person I am bc of xyz ... instead these are people who simply make it clear that my thoughts/feelings are not as significant as either their own or someone else.

An example would be:

Situation: A teenage boy is cheating on his teenage girlfriend. They have been dating 2 years.

Me: They are still young, yes, but they should use it as a learning experience in communication since they have been together so long. Try talking it through and see if they can work things out.

Person 1: She can never trust him again.

Person 2: You're right, she should kick him to the curb.

Me: Don't you think it's worth giving it a chance?

***silence***

Me: Well, don't you?

Person 1: why?

Me: because they been together so long

Person 1: so?

Me: nevermind

Person 1: well, what does that have to do with anything?

Me: nothing I guess, forget it.

(Small example but an example nonetheless)
That's called a disagreement. Everyone has them. We all experience moments like that.

Have you reversed the situation? They share a view, you share an opposing view. Neither you nor they are budging, or even attempting to hear the others views. You're both just giving your view. Yet you interpret that as not being heard or listened to, but you don't see it as you doing the same to them. Yet they don't see your not accepting their stance as suggesting they aren't being listened to.
The only real difference is that you take it personally if they are that way to you, but they don't take it personal when you do it to them.

And since you so easily back down you encourage their behavior of being dismissive of you. Not taking things so personally and being willing to stand firm could change things, though it will take a long time.
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I can never be all that you want from me
And I am broken, I will fail you constantly
  #31  
Old Feb 17, 2019, 07:38 PM
mikimostar mikimostar is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2019
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind View Post
This seems to be a therapeutic thread for some. I encourage you to continue using it. I am going to bow out of it now - both bc I was never able to adequately describe what I intended and bc it is not as bad as it was formerly.

I do wish all of you well with the varying similar issues you are dealing with. If you would like to talk, I am only a PM away. *hugs*
I am sorry Crypts of the Mind. I am curious and kind of pull out post from you. You are not invisible. Ignore them as they ignore you.. sometimes silence is the loudest sound.

__________________
All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love.

Leo Tolstoy
Thanks for this!
Crypts_Of_The_Mind
  #32  
Old Feb 20, 2019, 10:22 PM
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Crypts_Of_The_Mind Crypts_Of_The_Mind is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 3,099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Haunted Rain View Post
That's called a disagreement. Everyone has them. We all experience moments like that.

Have you reversed the situation? They share a view, you share an opposing view. Neither you nor they are budging, or even attempting to hear the others views. You're both just giving your view. Yet you interpret that as not being heard or listened to, but you don't see it as you doing the same to them. Yet they don't see your not accepting their stance as suggesting they aren't being listened to.
The only real difference is that you take it personally if they are that way to you, but they don't take it personal when you do it to them.

And since you so easily back down you encourage their behavior of being dismissive of you. Not taking things so personally and being willing to stand firm could change things, though it will take a long time.
Again - you misinterpret what I say and again I am tired of trying. As I said, please enjoy this thread amongst yourselves now. ❤
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Life is not measured by the amount of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away
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