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#1
Jul 28, 2004, 02:43 PM
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I apologize if I have seemed kinda distant lately. i have been having a hard week. Yesterday was the eight year anniversary of when my father passed away. I guess the fact that I am not handling it well shows me that I am still dealing with his death.
I went up to the cemetary with my boyfriend and I just cried. I am so angry at so many people for lying to me and keeping the truth from me for so many years. Everyone knew that my father was dying for months before I did. I found out the day that he died that he was sick. Even after he died no one would talk about it because it was not important. Im sorry that I am rambling..just not feeling so good right now. I have been sleeping 12 hour days and life is just kicking the hell out of me in the process. So much to do before vacation and I just cannot do it. Now I realize that this is probably what is causing it. Jessica <font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>
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"Though she knows well he doesn't listen. There's still a hope in her he might." |
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#2
Jul 28, 2004, 02:48 PM
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Hey Jessica,
I'm sorry about your dad. There's nothing wrong with still feeling grief or anger because people didn't tell you something was wrong, even after eight years. I'm glad that you have your boyfriend as a support system. Hang in there girl.  ¡Adrienne! <A target="_blank" HREF=http://rebelindisguise.741.com>http://rebelindisguise.741.com</A> 
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¡Adrienne! http://rebelindisguise.cjb.net How do you answer the question "What's wrong?" when nothing's right? |
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#3
Jul 28, 2004, 07:08 PM
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yeah that stinks. sorry.
but you can be assured that he is ok now... he is not suffering and he wouldn't / doesn't want you to be.. and he might very well be there wishing for you to not let it be bothering you... I do understand... my family was screwy too... and my dad told them to lay off me so then they didn't include me on anything they planned! They even had a big ice cream party in the hospital with him and didn't invite me --the whole family except me... with my dying dad. Hate is a treacherous thing. It affects me more than them though. <font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>
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#4
Jul 28, 2004, 10:12 PM
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sorry hon, big loss and it's okay to still grieve. I had an experience recently that made me see how some of the things I believed about my dead relative and myself held me back from pure grief. In my case it was if only I had done better, been there, taken better care of her... so I just wanted to say that in case there is a stuck place inside with your grieving.
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#5
Jul 29, 2004, 12:15 AM
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((Thanks Sky, Ozzie, wisewoman, and rebel))
Somedays I really think I am making progress and others I feel stuck in my grieving process (like wisewoman said.) There are so many unanswered questions that cause me pain and I do not think that I will get answers to very many of them. My fathers side of the family disowned my sister and I after the divorce. I have not even met his sisters or their families...just at his funeral..and they never called me again. My mother never wanted me to hold a grudge against them, but god is it hard sometimes. I know that my anger will only hold me back from healing....I just do not think I am at the point of forgiveness yet. Jessica <font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>
__________________
"Though she knows well he doesn't listen. There's still a hope in her he might." |
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