[Fuzzybear]

I find that insight can come from “whining” - if someone is intelligent

But how to force “changes” is quite another issue..

I’ve never been a fan of being forced to “do things”

“Avpd” doesn’t come out of nowhere and it isn’t for “cowards” or “simply whiners”

I doubt if anyone fitted that “criteria” of being a “coward and a whiner” they would have survived as long as I have ...

I also used to have quite a “talent” at attracting abuse

My snake is angry today. Feel free to ignore her..

(Not angry with anyone here )

[Fuzzybear]

“Late lament” - that song grrr.....

I would never be mean enough to say to someone “your lament has again been heard”

I feel sorry for anyone with so much disowned anger

And lack of empathy....

Empathy is NOT a “weakness”

(Not anyone here...)

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrrrrrrr at all the A holes in this world. Anyone fancy a picnic?

[MickeyCheeky]

I completely agree with you, Fuzzybear! These are wise words. Empathy is NOT a weakness, but a wonderful quality. We should never be accused of "whining"! We're just trying to share our feelings and understand each other. Is that so bad? I don't think so. I'm so sorry you haven't been treated kindly, Fuzzybear. You deserve to live a good life just like everyone else does. I hope things will get better soon for you. I hope you'll be abel to find peace and happiness! You deserve it. Keep venting here as much as you want, Fuzzybear. We won't judge you. I promise that I won't judge you. If it helps, keep doing it as much as you want! We all care about you here. We all love you here. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Fuzzybear. Please don't give up. You're a strong, wonderful bear, I know that. Please remember that

[Ohseedee]

I appreciate your input Fuzzy. You are a big support on this forum and I'm sorry to see that you are still hurting and struggling.

I agree that venting can certainly lead to insight and change - if one decides to take action. In the past, I've been stuck in the "poor me" stage, where I lamented about my illnesses and how awful my life was...but didn't change anything about my life. It reminds me of that saying "“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." I was in that "stuck" place for almost 10 years.

In the past I would get frustrated when I saw others in the same "stuck" stage, because I know how depressing it can be. But now that I've had time to mature and grow, go to college and have experience working in the mental health field, I understand that everyone's journey is unique.

I believe in self-determination - the individual deciding what to do. I never try to force change on anyone. I appreciate that you naturally do this, Fuzzy. It shows that you respect others and their boundaries.

[mulan]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

But how to force “changes” is quite another issue..

I doubt if anyone fitted that “criteria” of being a “coward and a whiner” they would have survived as long as I have ...

My snake is angry today. Feel free to ignore her.. :crazy(

I was thinking exactly about that, about how hard it is. Today I have been studying at my borderline traits' friend, and I am trying to oppen up her eyes, but she already as a group of very good friends. The person I identify the most with as a long term girlfriend and is an introvert. And I can't and dont want to rely on my sister for life...

It seems that all my attemps get in the wrong path.
One step at a time... (trying to convince myself)

And you are not a nonseinse, your post helped me and made me understood about my thoughts.

[mulan]

You are (not) lost little girl...

[mulan]

One also hard thing I am trying to be aware of is my tendency to feel criticised all the time. Thoughts are not reality, they are made up conversations we have with ourselfs based on what we have learned.

[Thirty shades]

Fuzzy, your snake has a right to feel angry.
She doesn't need pressure to make you do things.

I too attract abuse.....

Much love to you and everyone in need of a hug

[Thirty shades]

Originally Posted by mulan

One also hard thing I am trying to be aware of is my tendency to feel criticised all the time. Thoughts are not reality, they are made up conversations we have with ourselfs based on what we have learned.

Thank you mulan, I must learn to do this too.

[mulan]

I had a long talk with my sister about how I felt and why I felt it and what is wrong with me. I told her I needed love and validation... Sister don't like hugs to much but from now on she has to take them. (give me my so disired Hugh) It felt good. (and sad)

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by mulan

One also hard thing I am trying to be aware of is my tendency to feel criticised all the time. Thoughts are not reality, they are made up conversations we have with ourselfs based on what we have learned.

Good post Mulan I do this sometimes too

Also though, I don’t know why exactly, so many people have made wrong assumptions about me. Maybe it’s the CPTSD (and maybe Avpd) that I give off “stay away” vibes or something like that.. or maybe my anxiety makes others uncomfortable and then they judge me.

Do you (or anyone) relate to any of this..

Therapists have told me to “do things” like going round to unknown neighbours,
knocking on their doors, with the goal of having a talk. And the neighbour didn’t offer me a cup of tea. And gave me a Not so friendly look (it’s true, I’m sensitive but usually I think I read people quite well ) So I “failed”

I don’t think that is a helpful approach for me...

I’m interested in learning more about schemes, anything really that might be of relevance

(Just not judging people or defining what “whining” or “not endearing” means or if there is any value in such judgments about others - personally I don’t think there is. If someone wants to or needs to talk about what hurts them without having an obvious solution to it, who am I to judge that)

I like the AS Is bus..

I think solutions flow from AS IS.. it might take a year, it might take decades. Sometimes people “grow” and I don’t get to witness it... sometimes I do

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Thirty shades

Fuzzy, your snake has a right to feel angry.
She doesn't need pressure to make you do things.

I too attract abuse.....

Much love to you and everyone in need of a hug

Thank you dear friend

I’m sorry you attract abuse too

Much love to you

[Fuzzybear]

I meant to say schemas..

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I completely agree with you, Fuzzybear! These are wise words. Empathy is NOT a weakness, but a wonderful quality. We should never be accused of "whining"! We're just trying to share our feelings and understand each other. Is that so bad? I don't think so. I'm so sorry you haven't been treated kindly, Fuzzybear. You deserve to live a good life just like everyone else does. I hope things will get better soon for you. I hope you'll be abel to find peace and happiness! You deserve it. Keep venting here as much as you want, Fuzzybear. We won't judge you. I promise that I won't judge you. If it helps, keep doing it as much as you want! We all care about you here. We all love you here. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Fuzzybear. Please don't give up. You're a strong, wonderful bear, I know that. Please remember that

Thanks so much Mickey, this is a wise post. I agree, we should never be accused of “whining” ....we”re trying to share our feelings and understand each other. This isn’t bad at all... This is “healthy” .. bottling things up, isolating for fear of being judged or other reasons.. these aren’t helpful to us and often were what our family did (and/or still do).. made us feel so alone. And it’s not helpful to anyone with a mental health issue to be forced to walk on eggshells to “please” those who like to judge others - many of those people will judge us anyway .. Many hugs

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

And it’s not helpful to anyone with a mental health issue to be forced to walk on eggshells to “please” those who like to judge others - many of those people will judge us anyway ..

An important point well stated. One of the effects of my particular situation and collection of meds is that I simply do not have the emotional or psychic reserves to cater to those who judge me. The result is greater social isolation, and I have a difficult time caring about being socially isolated.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Ohseedee

I appreciate your input Fuzzy. You are a big support on this forum and I'm sorry to see that you are still hurting and struggling.

I agree that venting can certainly lead to insight and change - if one decides to take action. In the past, I've been stuck in the "poor me" stage, where I lamented about my illnesses and how awful my life was...but didn't change anything about my life. It reminds me of that saying "“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." I was in that "stuck" place for almost 10 years.

In the past I would get frustrated when I saw others in the same "stuck" stage, because I know how depressing it can be. But now that I've had time to mature and grow, go to college and have experience working in the mental health field, I understand that everyone's journey is unique.

I believe in self-determination - the individual deciding what to do. I never try to force change on anyone. I appreciate that you naturally do this, Fuzzy. It shows that you respect others and their boundaries.

Thanks for your reply and support Ohseedee. I know what you mean, in the past I too did sometimes get frustrated when I saw others in a “stuck” stage, or a particular
sort of “stuck” stage...it might sometimes have felt as if they weren’t “trying
hard enough” ... sometimes we get labelled as not trying hard enough (or of
being “those types of people” ) in this forest. (irl) I too believe in self
determination and that everyone’s journey is unique hugs to you

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

An important point well stated. One of the effects of my particular situation and collection of meds is that I simply do not have the emotional or psychic reserves to cater to those who judge me. The result is greater social isolation, and I have a difficult time caring about being socially isolated.

((((((((( Rohag )))))))))


I don’t have the wish or psychic reserves to cater to those to judge me either...

Thanks for sharing

(((((((( Rohag )))))))))

[mulan]

I am learning so many things everyday
I am "natural parent" who as the need to help everybody in need. I have to accept people as they are (my toxic parents) with their own deffects and move on with myself.
I have to understard I am self sufficient and I don’t need others aproval or help to know if I am right. Good parents teach children to be self sufficient and don't restrain their attempts to be who they want to be.

My parents are toxic and are suffering I can do some things to help them, but as much as that makes me sad I can't change their bad relaction and behaviours if they dont want to change.
I have been told to shut up do many times that I don’t stant people who can't see behind their limits and expand their visions.

I will send you the schema link Fuzzybear, I am just going to sleep right know. PM if I am to forgetfull.

Traumatized people are everywhere. I suspect about many, althout it hasnt been a subject, you just have to oppen your eyes.

I am allways excusing my self with everything, not my problem to deal if people get offended when I am being me.

Anyway, people seem to like that.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree, it’s not our problem to deal with if people get offended by me being me...

I don’t like spending much time with people who won’t or can’t listen to me...

“Narrow minded” and judgmental people are not my favourites

Good parents teach their children to be self sufficient, and to be themselves, AS IS ... with tolerance and kindness... when they are sick mentally they fail in some cases

And even steal our gifts sometimes

[mulan]

I am exhausted of trying to say what people want to ear. I get lost in the middle. Sights. And my sister says I shouldnt get involved so much, but it is.so.hard to find people whom we share similar visions and are available for new relationships. The smart thoughtfull people I like have their own lives and I Just have to walk in eggshells with people at work whose vision of the world I don’t agree with. It só dam exhausting. It's só dam exhausting to deal with people who dont care about your opinion (just their own) and just want to ear themselves talk (about what makes them happy or sad). I am sorry if I consider a kiss in the neck from a 40 something doctor to a 28woman in a doctor patient setting wrong. And I am sorry if I consider that platonic passion (the girl) very disturbing. And I am sorry if I find it wrong someone that is barely an intern assuming more responsabilities (with all the confidence) than he should from is knowledge. He is not smart is a not humble person, that likes show of and everybody with the minimum commom sense shouldnt fall for it. But people fall and that annoys me terribely. Blinded people that cant see their own faults annoys me. Thank you for let me ranting.

[mulan]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

And even steal our gifts sometimes

I would stay "steal" as I deep doen believe they are still there. But unfortunatly so True.

[mulan]

I am there for everyone around me and people are just not there for me. (irl) And It's not (only) my inner critic abandonment issues speaking. If people cared about me wouldnt ignore my worries and oppinions. So much selfish people caring only about their own lifes around. Who the hell says I suffered a lot I can do whatever I want?

[mulan]

I am sorry I suffered a lot through my life too and don’t use it as a topic of conversation whenever I want attention. And I like to care about both people needs until we get to a mid way.

[mountainstream]

Originally Posted by mulan

I am there for everyone around me and people are just not there for me. (irl) And It's not (only) my inner critic abandonment issues speaking. If people cared about me wouldnt ignore my worries and oppinions. So much selfish people caring only about their own lifes around. Who the hell says I suffered a lot I can do whatever I want?

I feel the same often.