[MatBell]

I have to stop this, I want to get away

What's going on MatBell?

[oliamble]

Please be well. Don’t feel bad, seek professional help.

[Mopey]

Did something happen, MatBell?

[Fuzzybear]

[MatBell]

Just had a horrible day. Now finally home and I just cried. Don’t know why I have to go through so much pain. The tears just burst out.
Thank you for being there. It really means a lot actually.

[Mopey]

A horrible day at work, MatBell? Would you be comfortable to say what happened? And if you cried, you cried. Probably the best thing you could do.

Please keep posting.

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Mopey

A horrible day at work, MatBell? Would you be comfortable to say what happened? And if you cried, you cried. Probably the best thing you could do.


Please keep posting.

A lot of things happened it’s a bit hard to explain. Just been very stressed, anxious, angry, felt ignored by the others, unwanted etc and then had to work over time. Right now I’m not even getting paid. Hopefully it will get sorted out.
Just a very bad day. I wanted to run away so many times and never come back. But I can’t keep doing that, I’ve done that before. I talked to my dad about it, that’s good. I wish I could be more in control and not get so worked up.
Now I’m just so tired. Hope you’re doing good Mopey

Prayers for you my friend. :/ Hope things will get better for you.

[Mopey]

MatBell it sounds like you may be doing an internship of some kind; in any case perhaps some kind of training situation.

But setting the situation aside, (1) glad talking to your father helped you to feel better. Good to find things like that you can do to help yourself. (2) I have the impression - maybe wrongly, but - I have the impression that you are a Highly Sensitive Person. That's a trait that really exists, in case you don't know about it.

Highly sensitive people tend to have a hard time with the world, including but not limited to, the working world. Things that happen there can be extremely upsetting to us.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Mopey

Highly sensitive people tend to have a hard time with the world, including but not limited to, the working world. Things that happen there can be extremely upsetting to us.

How true!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Rohag

How true!

I also find this very true

[MatBell]

Originally Posted by Mopey

MatBell it sounds like you may be doing an internship of some kind; in any case perhaps some kind of training situation.


But setting the situation aside, (1) glad talking to your father helped you to feel better. Good to find things like that you can do to help yourself. (2) I have the impression - maybe wrongly, but - I have the impression that you are a Highly Sensitive Person. That's a trait that really exists, in case you don't know about it.


Highly sensitive people tend to have a hard time with the world, including but not limited to, the working world. Things that happen there can be extremely upsetting to us.

Yes I can be sensitive and anxious. Wish I wasn’t. The world is not made for people like that. Are you like that too? I can feel it at work too, I don’t deal well with stress at all.
I hope you are good. I’m not all that great. Often at work I just want to escape and when I get home the suicidal thoughts are there.

[Mopey]

Hi MatBell. Glad to hear from you.

First - and this is no pressure, it's just a question: a couple of days ago I sent you a PM, just asking how you were doing. On that same day I sent out 2 other PMs. I didn't get replies to any of them. That's fine, I just wonder if I'm having some sort of computer malfunction or something. Or maybe I'm just unpopular. So if you could just let me know if that got to you, I'd appreciate it.

Secondly, yes, I AM "like that". I hate dealing face to face with people, and I hated the working world when I was in it. My last working situation, which lasted 10 years, was very difficult for me mentally. I had a supervisor who I felt very much under her thumb. She was very good at mind-f******g with me. She'd tell me it was OK to do a task a certain way, then round on me angrily for doing it just that way. She knew how to undermine my self-confidence and she did it regularly, seemingly just for the fun of it. Her tactics didn't work with everybody; some were strong enough not to let her get away with it. But I wasn't one of them. Whole weekends were ruined for me by the way she'd treat me on a friday, if she felt like it. Suffice to say I'm much happier now that I'm retired and can putter around my little hermit-like abode by myself.

I believe the concept of High Sensitivity as a trait was originated by Dr. Elaine Aron, and she has at least a couple of books out on it. You might find them of interest, and maybe helpful too.

Now, about your suicidal thoughts -- do you know why they come about? What it is about yourself that makes you hate yourself so much? What is so awful about your life that you want to die? I'm quite serious about this. I've been there myself -- in fact just recently -- where I felt so bad I wanted to die, so I can relate.

Also sometimes if you find yourself having obsessive thoughts about something, such as suicide, you might try holding still with yourself to see if you can identify a particular feeling underneath the thoughts, then try to focus on that rather than the thoughts. Not that you try to make the thoughts go away, just that you focus on your feelings instead. There will probably be no words associated with them.

[MatBell]

Thanks for writing. Yes a good worklife is so hard, there are so many factors to get right and it’s exhausting.

Oh I didn’t know you had sent DMs. The thing is I use The app Tapatalk and I don’t get notified on that if I get a DM. So I will only see them if I’m on a laptop on here and that’s rare. So sorry for that, I just didn’t know.

Sound like you hard it hard back then. Good that you are not in that now.

[Mopey]

Amen to that, MatBell. Thanks for writing back. I hope you have a good day or as good as is possible. 🙂

[MatBell]

And thanks for the tip about focusing on what is underneath the suicidal thoughts. What triggers them. I think it has just been my go-to thoughts when I face problems. I almost take comfort in the thoughts because they’re so familiar and I know that state of being so well. Maybe you know the feeling?
I don’t expect the sadness to disappear in my life, I just hope it will be less than now. I would be content with that.

[Mopey]

Yes, I can understand how the thoughts themselves could provide a sort of release, an outlet for the pain. And you need outlets, when you are in pain. Anything really that can serve as an outlet or a distraction for you. I believe you’ve mentioned two to me already: Working out was one, and talking with your father is another. So is posting on this forum.

Also bearing in mind all the things that can go wrong when you try to kill yourself (see Dorothy Parker poem).

Also I suppose we have to realize that sadness is just as much a part of life as joy.

Take care.