[ChipsAhoy]

I am seventeen years old. I live in Minneapolis and it is around this time of year that it begins to get very cold and dark. The sky is almost completely dark by five in the evening and the high temperatures for the last week have rarely exceeded ten degrees. This is also the time of the year that my depression begins to set in. I don't think it would be very descriptive to label it as "depression". Depression can manifest it's presence in many ways. I become more hostile and impulsive this time of year. I don't take time to think about my actions as I usually do. The entire atmosphere of the world seems more bleak and pointless, and I respond to threat this by adopting a more aggressive and defensive pattern of thinking. My view on the world becomes more pessimistic and logic goes out the window. I indulge in carbohydrates, sugar, lorazepam, and masturbation. Does this sound familiar?

[nowheretorun]

one of the reasons i benefit so much from PC is when others tell their story.. in the words they write, i am able to finally pinpoint some of my own feelings about certain topics they've brought up...

most of the 29 years i was in depression, the main descriptive term would be "fogginess" ... unable to be clear, with myself, or others... probably why therapy didnt work for me...

i really feel hopeful when i read words from someone that are clear and descriptive... makes me think this person has good self-awareness...

winter has always been my down time.. its winter again.. Colorado has been snowy and grey today until about noon.. then, the sun came out... thankful for the forgotten blessings when they return...

typically, the state of world affairs depresses me any time of year... im thankful that im finding an elevation in awareness and activism.. relieving to feel community and positive directions..

i'm sure my diet has contributed... too many cigarettes, alcohol, fast times... my only relief!!!

but, in aging, my friends now are more world-minded, more consciously aware of their own contributions to the state of world conditions...

it has given me hope and strength..

i have some younger friends.. i advise them that whats to be is in their hands to shape and create...

i, myself inherited a world in ok shape, but declining as "new" freedoms were explored and exploited...

the world now has reached critical levels in many areas.. sobering... and depressing stuff to think about..

its good you're reaching out.. you sound like a maturing young man... i'm glad you've chosen healing as a path...

[stefano]

Welcome, fellow. I never missed a december crisis since 2001.
I don't get hostile or angry anyway. Just sad and desperate. I exceed in carbs ALL the year (don't touch my spaghetti!!!)
As for masturbation... I use to lose ANY sex drive completely.

But hostility is one possible face of depression. And self destructive behaviors too. I wish I had started to get treated when I was young like you (I only did it at 30, and I have a LONG way to go now I'm 36).

So listen to me: even if you don't feel like it, see a psychiatrist.

Not now, because you are too ANGRY. Do it when you feel better and describe your episodes. Yes, going to the psych you will definitely FEEL like a JERK.

But accept a suggestion from who ignored the problems and now knows he WAS a JERK.

Do it.

The best of luck

[Cyran0]

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ChipsAhoy said:
I live in Minneapolis

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I've lived in Minneapolis, St. Paul, and a variety of suburbs. Welcome!

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ChipsAhoy said:
I become more hostile and impulsive this time of year. I don't take time to think about my actions as I usually do. The entire atmosphere of the world seems more bleak and pointless, and I respond to threat this by adopting a more aggressive and defensive pattern of thinking. My view on the world becomes more pessimistic and logic goes out the window. I indulge in carbohydrates, sugar, lorazepam, and masturbation. Does this sound familiar?

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Yup, you could be my twin. Sadly, with fifteen years on you, I still haven't come up with a great solution to this yearly problem. At best, I try to go easier on myself, cut back on my responsibilities (when possible), and do more fun activities (and yes, masturbation counts).

I'm glad you found this forum. You'll find a lot of support here.

Cyran0

[Seraph]

That could definitely be depression or SAD. You say you don't label it as depression, but it may be worse than you think. When I"m depressed, I usually think I'm less depressed than I really am.

As for hostility, it's common in teens. My first depression (16-17 years old) had a lot of hostility. Now, I only have mild irritability.

I crave carbs, hide from my friends, feel like crap, sit in one place for very long periods, and sleep twice as much as normal. Also, I tend to get sick MUCH more frequently if I'm depressed. (Depression can affect your immune system)

I'd talk to a psychiatrist or general practitioner. Both can help you if you're honest with them.

Otherwise, consider making sure your living environment is well lit and warm. Try to get a bit of exercise too. I know it helps me.