Is this typical?

Being a newbie to publicly telling strangers about my personal struggles, is it normal to initially feel worse after bringing things up that you've tried to fix on your own or ignore and hope would just go away?

I'm finding that while getting a huge weight lifted off my chest, I might be going hog wild with the cathartic process (I'm an all or nothing kind of girl) because sometimes I just feel overwhelmed at the amount of stuff I didn't realize I was holding inside. Sure, I talked with family about it, but they'd just say "I know, I know" but not really be able to give any advice other than being a supportive ear. The only online friend I've told has her own issues to deal with and probably doesn't need me weighing her down (even though she constantly calls to check on me, says she's worked through her abusive issues and wants to help me through my similar situation, but then says in other forums how sick of listening to other people she is).

Normal, or not?

First, I don't thin your friend puts you into the category of her being sick of listening to people in the forums. I think she's just being whiny and want someone to complain to. I think she genuinely cares about you and does want to help you because after all, she calls you to check up on. She puts herself in a position to help you, so I think she does.

And hell, I've been here for how long and I can't open up yet. Oops. I think it's awesome you can do that. ^__^ And it's going to get worse before it gets better. Through self examination you'll see a lot of things you need to work on.

Tell all, if you got the courage that you do, is good. I don't think you should worry. It's normal to feel kind of weird doing it, but you've admitted you feel better afterwards, who's to go against your personal experience? ^___^ Hopefully not you. Keep up the good work.

I'd have to agree with mortimer. It does get better before it gets worse. To spill your guts is to face what happened to you and admit it's real... that it's not something you just imagined in a twisted dream. If you let it, the confession will have power over you. Most people tend to find themselves very vulnerable after drudging up old memories. It's pretty normal. When I spilled both of my stories here, I felt horrible both emotionally and physically. Just par for the course. As mortimer said, if you have the courage to spill your guts here then please do so. You'll recieve nothing but support. And I agree with you that by spilling, there's a sense of relief in getting everything off your chest. And I think your friend is more caring that you give credit for. If she's calling you to check up on you and offeres her help and compassion, I'd say that you've got a friendship to cherish. It takes a special person to find that diamond in the rough and your friend seems to have found the diamond in you. Good luck and take care.

Ry

Thanks Mortimer and Ryan.

Yes, a dream is kind of what it felt like because I was always being told I was hearing things that weren't said or saw things that didn't happen. Now I'm learning that's textbook behavior. It's wonderful to have a place like this where I can be heard and my experiences can be validated by other people who have had similar things happen in their lives. We can't ALL be having almost identical delusions, can we? On second thought, don't answer that.

Yeah, I think that question is better left unanswered

Ry

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Being a newbie to publicly telling strangers about my personal struggles, is it normal to initially feel worse after bringing things up that you've tried to fix on your own or ignore and hope would just go away?

Normal, or not?

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I think it is "normal to initially feel worse." How often do you: (1) verbalize and HEAR your feelings or (2) express through writing and SEE your feelings? If it is rare . . . then maybe you'll have a lot of discomfort and feel "worse" while the process of disclosing has happened or immediately after the process of disclosing. I think it's a natural part of the healing process, to allow yourself to "feel" the feelings you've denied or were previously unable to "feel" in the past. With child abuse victims (me included), children typically are not allowed to own their own emotions (told suck it up or not to cry, etc) or unable to process the fear, shame, hurt (because lack of support) . . . however, by not processing the feelings a child probably helped any child to survive the abusive environment. As an adult, it may be time for you to give yourself permission to feel those scary feelings. You're feelings aren't crazy - - the abusive environment in your past was crazy. ((((((((((((Huggs))))))))))))

Jennie, thanks.

I have to say I'm fortunate in that I didn't suffer any abuse as a child, sexual, physical or emotional, except for a couple of years from my step dad from about 16-18, but he was just a stupid jerk anyway so it was *mostly* easy to brush off. Things like telling me I was a bad influence on his kids because when I was 18 and legal drinking age I went out with my friends. Taking his own kid to a bar at 14 was perfectly fine though. Go figure.

It's my ex husband's crap I'm finally starting to deal with now, little by little (although as much as I'm getting off my chest lately it doesn't seem like a little). I mean I'm DEALING with it little by little. Change is hard, even when it's for your own good (and that's when it's your OWN mind telling you it's for your own good, not someone else telling you it's for your owm good, meaning their own good). Oh for crying out loud, could I sound any more confusing?

Yeah, I'm a babbler and a rambler and I can't stay off of this message board to save my life (or my job for that matter).