[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Why am I here
Why do I breathe
Why does my heart continue to beat
Why, is there a purpose?
Or is it all some sick joke played on humanity?
What is the reason .. I need to know. . Please..

Life is not fair but if you hang on for dear life, perhaps you will find purpose some way. Maybe you need to have a good cry? Sometimes we don't let our selves fully feel sadness for really tough stuff and it leaves us wanting to die. Sometimes the right drugs can get us through the worst so we can get to work figuring out what life is about? Try to drug yourself happy (things that safely bring you up) but not so much that you feel so numb that you can't figure it out and get/stay dumb and under people's thumbs?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Nowinners

Life is not fair but if you hang on for dear life, perhaps you will find purpose some way. Maybe you need to have a good cry? Sometimes we don't let our selves fully feel sadness for really tough stuff and it leaves us wanting to die. Sometimes the right drugs can get us through the worst so we can get to work figuring out what life is about? Try to drug yourself happy (things that safely bring you up) but not so much that you feel so numb that you can't figure it out and get/stay dumb and under people's thumbs?

I think I know what you mean by "drug yourself happy" so I'm not gonna flip out and assume you are speaking of strret drigs - but even if you were the answer would be the same: neither my husband nor I take drugs of any kind and I would never trust drugs of any sort coming from another person -even a good friend or relative.

As far as crying - I dont care who sees me anymore, I cry .. silently, but I cry. I allow myself to feel all emotions - anger I reel in.

I got really angry today n coming down from it (even while being angry) triggered my depression. While I was angry, even tho the feelings were there and I was even very close to crying but very much wanted to die rather than feel so much anger - that anger was so strong it overwhelmed me n pushed past those thoughts .. as I calmed from the anger, at first it was jyst relief ... then full on suicidal feelings hit.

Thats why I wrote another post questioning if anger n depression are connected. It confuses me.

Wonder if it could be something like your parents did not allow you to show or express anger so you're reflexively covering it up with the SUI thoughts?

By drug yourself happy I am pretty much talking about what your psychiatrist prescribes though I would be lying if I said I never used pot but am mostly stopping that as well because I am try to work more and do more/be levelheaded and present for my children.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Nowinners

Wonder if it could be something like your parents did not allow you to show or express anger so you're reflexively covering it up with the SUI thoughts?

By drug yourself happy I am pretty much talking about what your psychiatrist prescribes though I would be lying if I said I never used pot but am mostly stopping that as well because I am try to work more and do more/be levelheaded and present for my children.

Yea that's what I figured you meant by drug yourself happy but my answer is still the same

And no - it has nothing to do with anything but something that occurred earlier today. I was not triggered. It just truly made me super mad to see occurring bc it simply should not have. And the fact I was unable to stop it made it worse.

[jeremiahgirl]

Your here for a purpose the creator of this world has a divine purpose set for your life. The creator is not some cosmic force, or a mysterious being but is called God...Jesus Christ. He brought all mankind into existence. That’s who is my God. At one point I too had feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, He helped me find a path that brought peace. I don’t have all things together yet, but I have a security in His love. Others seek philosophical principles I seek only Him.

I’m here not to preach but give my own understanding of why I’m here on this planet it’s to honor Him because He loves me. I will pray for you, that you also may find peace in your soul.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by jeremiahgirl

Your here for a purpose the creator of this world has a divine purpose set for your life. The creator is not some cosmic force, or a mysterious being but is called God...Jesus Christ. He brought all mankind into existence. That’s who is my God. At one point I too had feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, He helped me find a path that brought peace. I don’t have all things together yet, but I have a security in His love. Others seek philosophical principles I seek only Him.

I’m here not to preach but give my own understanding of why I’m here on this planet it’s to honor Him because He loves me. I will pray for you, that you also may find peace in your soul.

You are brave for speaking of Jesus Christ on this site. Each time I have done so, I have been strongly warned against it. I too believe strongly in Him. Actually I know He exists - but I will not get into that. My faith is why I don't attempt anymore regardless of my desire to. I have come to the understanding only God decides when our time here is through. We can severely injure our bodies and by doing do so make our existence here more misersble - but it will only be over if God deems it so. As such, I refuse to risk sinply making my existence even more miserable.

That still doesn't answer why He chooses to keep me here though. Seriously. What purpose could I be serving at this moment?