[dexter]

I got to my support group today... feeling really down. I had the day to myself and was determined to make some progress on my foreclosure. But I seem to be frozen when it comes to acting on anything. I couldn't make a single call all day... to a bank, to a lawyer, to a services agency.

Then after the support group I went out and just felt horrible. Watching other people I just realized how out of place I am... even if I feel OK I am just not belonging anywhere. I'm out of my age group, out of my experience, out of my time, out of my health, and soon out of financial and shelter security. I let time pass me by. "Its never too late" people say but it is for a lot of things. I'll never have a "first kiss" or a "first date" or "young love". I've been trying really hard but no one is even interested in old love, and I am starting to feel like a fool for even trying. Not because I am embarrased but because it is coming to a point where I am being treated as a fool with no exceptions. I don't fit anywhere.

And tonight I got home and was bombarded with email from people I haven't heard from a while... why it never rains it pours I don't know... but my email was all full of bullsheet from people I don't think I even want to hear from anymore. I am ready to tell a few of them just to go away and leave me alone. Even though these are the only people I have. It does me no good to have people around who cause me grief though, I'd be better off dealing with my stuff on my own like I've been doing. As much as I wish I didn't have to be doing this alone it just causes a set back to have contact with most of these people.

I think I am going to write back to a few of them tonight.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[wisewoman]

Dex, you have to be able to get some momentum, set a goal and deal with the foreclosure today in whatever way is most beneficial, call a lawyer? It's hard when you are paralyzed, almost impossible to move beyond but you have to act on self preservation now. Please muster up all the resources inside and deal with not becoming homeless. Good luck.

[gloria]

HEY! SNAP OUT OF IT!

HERE IS A LIST OF TASKS FOR YOU MR.:

1- Choose the one call you are going to make before 1 PM.
2- Write down the name of the agency and the phone number.
3- Call it and stay on the phone until you either get the help you need from them or they give you another resource for you to tap into.
4- Make a second call to have a plan B, just in case.
5- Take a break, and come and chat with us so we can cheer you up and tell you with are with you.

As always, with lots of love,

gab

[dexter]

I'm in a bad day. My goal today was to attend a local job fair. I was on target... I was set to go, I changed my physical therapy appointment from this afternoon to this evening...

Last night I couldn't sleep and this morning I slept through my alarm. I heard it but wouldn't wake up, instead I dreampt about trying to shut it off. I know this wasn't an "instantaneous" dream because my alarm has a bell that rings at progressively shorter intervals over a course of 15 minutes and in the dream it was still at the point of going off continuously while I was still trying to fuss with the buttons of my clock radio to shut off the alarm (the real clock is not a clock radio, the radio was only in my dream, ringing bells instead of playing music). When I finally got out of bed for real I shut the alarm off and went back to bed.

I'm up now and if I were to dress and head out the job fair would be over before I got there (it was only for a few hours in the morning and afternoon). I hope to make some phone calls instead, I have to get myself moving or something.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

[gloria]

I don't mean to be bossy but, just follow my list and know this is out of love and care for you, and not to be commanding.

Get moving buddy!

gab

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know exactly how you're feeling BUT...

Don't think about what you know you need to do. Just get up and move towards the telephone. Don't bother looking in the phone book for the numbers. Call 411 and get them, even if they cost .$50. You don't have to sound all together when someone answers. Just say "I need some help!" and go from there. As you talk, you'll gather your courage and strength. You might even build up some anger (I hope!) and that will give you the fuel you need to keep going. If you don't get any answers, get even angrier! I'm not saying blast the people you're talking to. I'm saying make the anger work for you, to give you energy and strength to follow through. If not today, then tomorrow. Get angry at the incompetence that you're bound to run up against, get angry at the "no's" or "I don't know's" you get, get angry at life, at all those people who bombarded you in email, but STOKE THAT FIRE and make it work for you!

<center><font color=red>I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!</font color=red></center>
You're too intelligent, too wise, too headstrong to not do it!




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[gloria]

Here is what you out to do to your depression.

Move Dex move!
Move Dex move!
Move Dex move!
GOOOOOOOOO... Dave!

gab

[(JD)]

...as for the emails....

can you type a blanket statement that would appease them and blind copy it to all of them?

... for the phone calls

can you call at lunch time so you get their voice mail and you only have to leave a message?

do you have their fax numbers, and can send info that way?


<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[dexter]

>>...as for the emails....

can you type a blanket statement that would appease them and blind copy it to all of them?

I've tried explaining, being straigtforward, being understanding... some people are just selfish idiots, I guess it is a fundamental problem with the gene pool .

... for the phone calls

can you call at lunch time so you get their voice mail and you only have to leave a message?

do you have their fax numbers, and can send info that way?

I'll give a try... I'm looking for any loopholes to help me get started.

thx

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--http://www.idexter.com

[dexter]

I'd be remiss if I didn't try to recall the things that went well this week...

Biggest is that I DID get my auto insurance taken care of. That's been hanging over me... I thought it had expired when I missed my payment deadline beginning of this month, but it turned out it would be cancelled at the end of the month if I didn't take care of it (I actually thought I was driving around without insurance for a few weeks). I was determined not to use that as an excuse to let it slip some more, and also to change my coverage to get a cheaper rate to help with my bills rather than to just wait until last minute and renew as-is like I did last time. I had to make a trip to the DMV but I got that taken care of on Monday and went right to the insurance office and finished up... so I'm all clear with that at a much lower payment than I would have otherwise had to make.

Although I missed the job fair today... I came really close to also missing my physical therapy appointment that I changed so that I could attend the job fair... I just completely forgot about it. But I remembered at the last minute and made it there in time. So I accomplished that today rather than just letting the whole day be a bust.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[shakes]

((((Dex))))
I am really happy that you were able to talk about the good as well as the bad. I know that things have been tough for you lately, but I have been wishing the best.
My good thoughts are with you!!

Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[lost_lonely]

((((((((((((((((dexter))))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((dex))))))))))))))

[dexter]

I saw my T this morning and when I came home I just could not resist the urge to nap. I slept for a few hours. When I got up it was too late to make phone calls today, maybe tomorrow... BUT WAIT...

Then I took a call from a credit card company and worked out a payment plan with them. Then I forced myself to consider myself "on a roll" and to continue the momentum... and what is "too late" anyway (I consider it too late if it is near closing time... mostly as an excuse.(

So I called the lawyer. Had a good conversation with him and an appointment (no charge) with him on Monday... he will look over my stuff and we'll see what my options are.

I'll be logging in later and I'd better see lots of happy jumping smileys for me here (especially from you sky now that you have your animation back )... or at least some words of congratulatioin.

Still want to work on cleaning here more and I want to call one of the housing services for advice and councelling, but if I do that tomorrow or even next week, getting the appointment with the lawyer was the most important part and the biggest hurdle.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[wisewoman]

GREAT JOB DEX. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[(JD)]

Post deleted by SkyBdark

[dexter]

thanks sky... and thanks for everyone for their help, support, and understanding on getting me started with this.

I am still very scared about this, but it is no longer buried under the fear of not taking any action to resolve it.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[(JD)]

OKay! v

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[shakes]

((((Dexter)))))
Congratulations!!



Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[(JD)]

ok show off do you have all these saved to a spot so you draw them down? I cannot post but one kind of smiley in any one post.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[gloria]

Good job yeah!

gab