terrified...

it's been a h**l of a year so far and things just keep on crashing on me (falling apart)! and I'm honestly terrified what it's gonna do to me...

just found out my aunt is in the hospital, newly diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, and I think maybe dying. according to the cancer website, the 5 year survival rate for this is less than 25 percent! I'm kinda terrified that I'm losing the last person who actually still gives a dam about me!!! who evens cares enough to message me, ask how things are going, and would even notice if something was 'not right'!

I've been dealing with a brain injury for 5 1/2 months now. my Grandma just died last year (was the only other person who 'noticed' me and was a supportive person for me). and on top of that, the loss of my 5yo cat less than 2 1/2 months after my Grandma last year (he was basically my kid!)!!! [been 14 months since I was on here last too]

kinda terrified I won't make it thru, be able to hold myself together anymore..........

I'm sorry you've been having to struggle with these losses. It must be especially difficult to have them occur so close together. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support.

I’m sorry that you have had a rough go of it this year. But I want you to remember that you’ve survived 100% of your worst days and are doing great.

thanks, and I know I 'survived' but surviving is not living. and I'm FAR from 'great'!

my Aunt passed away earlier today! she had become so much to me: a supporter, a cheerleader, a confidant, a safe 'hide-out', an ear, a shoulder, an encourager/empower-er, and most days the only reason I had to even check my email or texts! that means the WORLD to a person who's a strong introvert with severe depression (plus anxiety and multiple ptsd's and more [like trust issues...])!!!!

now I loose all that, and am pretty terrified how badly it will damage me [how severe the 'protective withdrawal' will be] ......

I am DEEPLY SORRY for your Aunt passing away, @jrae! I know how hard it can be! Take your time to grieve your loss. I'm sure you'll come out of this stronger than before. It will take time though. I agree with Stuck1nhead that you're a STRONG person. I understand that you're still struggling though. Wishing you Peace and Hope. I'm so sorry for your Loss. Please be kind to yourself. Stay strong, my dear, sweet friend. You're stronger than you think. I'm not sure if you have someone supporting you IRL right now but in any case, we're here for you and you know it. Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need to talk. I'm sure PLENTY of others will gladly help you as well. You're strong and you KNOW IT! PLEASE KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, @jrae, and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!

I do not, no! she would've been it - as she had become like my best friend

and I know it's probably just the worsening depression talking, but it seems like I've got no one now...