Just realized

That I’ve been depressed to some extent since I was 9 years old and moved to another country. Now I’m trying to think what happened in that country that triggered my first major depressive episode around 10.

Let’s see first living in a country where nobody speaks English made it impossible to socialize with people my own age.

Second, due to the lack of friends and extreme heat of the country. I stayed inside most of the time.

Third, staying inside caused me to isolate myself.

Fourth, thoughts of suicide at such a young age were wreaking havoc on my mind.

Fifth, parents refused to let me take medication because they thought it was “a phase”

Sixth, finally moved back state side. But by that time I had aged three years, gained a massive amount of weight, and lost my social skills.

Seventh, experienced huge culture shock when I finally returned stateside since I was born. This and lack of social skills left me in a mental stall. Was in the scouts since I was 8. But dropped out shortly returning stateside because I was being bullied so bad in it.

Now I’m just a frustrated 26 year old who is severely overweight.

Any of those things would be hard for anyone, @Stuck1nhead. I'm DEEPLY SORRY for what you've been through! It's good that you're acknowledging your feelings and the possible causes though. Sometimes there isn't one specific cause only but many factors comined, including chemical imbalance and genetics. Are you getting any kind of treatment right now or are you just trying to live Life as best as you can together with your Wife? Please be kind to yourself. You're stronger than you think. I'm REALLY HAPPY that you're sharing your thoughts and writing here. Please keep doing that if it helps! Be extra kind to yourself and your Wife. I'm SO SORRY things are being so hard for you. I hope your Wife is supportive of you at least. In any case, we're here for that. Feel free to PM me ANYTIME although I'm sure you know that already. We're here to help! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Stuck1nhead, your Wife, your Family, your Friends and ALL Of Your Loved Ones!

Yes I’ve been on meds since 2016 which is when I had my last severe episode. I start back at therapy next week. So things are getting better. I just feel like I missed out on so much