Were you planted with an inclination to hide?

Fuzzybear · Sep 22, 2019, 03:06 PM

Were you planted with

Possible trigger:

an inclination to hide, and to hide the truth?

I was, my parental units were pathological liars and punished me for showing any emotion..
I've revealed one of the massive lies my parental units lived... to very few people. It's very hurtful to be told to suck it up when I, rarely, try to share (i'm not talking about anyone here) … but this seems to be how we are conditioned in this forest irl. that emotions are shameful. The vocabulary used is pitifully 'incomplete' and if the 'medication' isn't an option there aren't so many options other than words which are repeatedly shut down

(not about anyone on pc)

partyofone · Sep 22, 2019, 03:27 PM

Your post touched a note with me. From the time I was very small, I was often warned specifically not to tell 'strangers' (that is, anyone not in the immediate family) anything about 'what we're like.' Sometimes the purpose was, I think, to shield them from something truly hair-raising that I might reveal; but often it was about any small detail of home life. Guess they figured, if I didn't dare talk about my home at all, I wouldn't blow their cover. It reminded me of the no-talk rules mentioned in dysfunctional families analysis. . . . It doesn't do much for your ability to know your own feelings--and often you don't tend to trust others easily, do you?
Thanks for sharing your experience.

Fuzzybear · Sep 22, 2019, 03:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by partyofone

Your post touched a note with me. From the time I was very small, I was often warned specifically not to tell 'strangers' (that is, anyone not in the immediate family) anything about 'what we're like.' Sometimes the purpose was, I think, to shield them from something truly hair-raising that I might reveal; but often it was about any small detail of home life. Guess they figured, if I didn't dare talk about my home at all, I wouldn't blow their cover. It reminded me of the no-talk rules mentioned in dysfunctional families analysis. . . . It doesn't do much for your ability to know your own feelings--and often you don't tend to trust others easily, do you?
Thanks for sharing your experience.

Thanks for sharing. I can relate.

Thirty shades · Sep 22, 2019, 04:11 PM

I was always told as a cub, "that children should be seen and not heard..."

Victorian proverb's used to excuse neglect....

Skeezyks · Sep 22, 2019, 06:35 PM

I'm sorry you continue to struggle with all of this Fuzzy.

I wish you great peace in your life. I've written before, here on PC, that had I been a normal child I think I might have had pretty good parents, at least in terms of how parenting was done at the time. Unfortunately I was far from a normal child. Somehow, I don't know how, I learned there were things about myself I must never tell anyone. And so I didn't. And, over time, this "not talking" spread to many other things as well that I could have talked about had I known how. Some of what I hid I've never divulged to this day.

I'll take all with me to the crematorium...

downandlonely · Sep 22, 2019, 06:37 PM

I'm sorry that some of you were taught that emotions are shameful. Hiding them becomes very painful.

Sep 22, 2019, 07:17 PM

It was very much that way with me for as long as I was with my parents. I was not supposed to talk about any problems about my family to anyone else. Also my parents were very much into lying a lot, especially my father. If I had confronted them about lying, they would say that "I'm talking foolish". On the other hand, I got a good scolding if they found out I lied to them.

I can very much relate to "keeping the emotions in". Whenever I got yelling at them, they would tell me that they will put me into an institution. Because expressing myself being mad was not normal and it was considered a mental case.

Sep 23, 2019, 12:26 AM

I think both my parents did the best they could with what they knew. From their perspective I can understand a bit, but not all of it.

I relate to the shame, blame, and I was also told I'd be shamed for something, never really understanding what they meant. But that feeling of "hide", I get you on that. Hide the emotion or you'll be told your stupid, or weak. Hide, from their chaos.

I hope you do get peace from this.

Rohag · Sep 23, 2019, 12:02 PM

When I was young I was torn between urges to speak up and hide.
Perhaps poorly socialized, I too often spoke up in ways that marked me as odd.
Through the years - and it required many years - I have become much more careful with when, where, and how I speak.
Now I am mostly a recluse.

Fuzzybear · Sep 23, 2019, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rohag

When I was young I was torn between urges to speak up and hide.
Perhaps poorly socialized, I too often spoke up in ways that marked me as odd.
Through the years - and it required many years - I have become much more careful with when, where, and how I speak.
Now I am mostly a recluse.

I've been called odd too

I think I am much more careful now where, when, how and with whom I speak

Thirty shades · Sep 23, 2019, 04:34 PM

Odd? I think I have been called this... Certainly treated that way

Why do they judge us? Why can we not be accepted AS IS? Grrrrr

I prefer to be a recluse too....

Hugs to all who have been called or made to feel this way

partyofone · Sep 26, 2019, 02:30 PM

That sounds familiar, Rohag, that oscillation between the inclination to speak up and hide. The periodic assumptions of oddness by others and a tendency to be a recluse feel familiar too. I know how difficult this can be. My dogs help with the recluse part . . . wonder if yours do too.
Many hugs!