[Fuzzybear]

[Rose76]

Had a very bad depressive episode last evening. The apartment is a mess. I'm sick of caregiving.

[Buffy01]

I feel really down today. When I should be feeling ok.

[Yzen]

Unhappy, Uneasy, Unsteady. The 3 U's of my evening.

Lack of getting out, even just to a park or something, is really getting me down. I know this is affecting everyone.

I was feeling alright this morning and part of the afternoon. I was pretty busy with domestic things. In the late afternoon and tonight I feel very down. I've been thinking about how I could have handled things that were going against me much better than I did. Especially handling bad people.

[arich62]

I have been stuck in this pandemic AWAY from home now for six weeks. Stuck with my wife. We're at the point of not hardly talking to one another. Hygiene isn't good right now. Vegetating and resting about 20 hours a day. I want this lockdown to end. I want to get home.

[88Butterfly88]

I feel pretty depressed today.

[Rose76]

I just keep trying to remember that depressive episodes don't last forever, or even for all that long. (Despite the duration feeling like eternity.) I'm lucky in that respect. I'm not continually depressed for years, or even months, on end. Depression for me is episodic. It kicks in, lasts awhile, and kicks out. The trouble is these episodes are recurrent. I have chronically recurrent depression. In between episodes I can be pretty close to just fine. I know I'll keep having episodes as long as I live. That I just accept. My goal in managing depression is to try and make the episodes clear up faster and to not occur so often. Then I have a reasonably decent life. Lately, it's tailspin after tailspin. I pull out of one. In no time I'm a wreck again. This COVID thing seemed to just push me over the edge. Not at first. I thought I was coping well for awhile. Since 3 days ago, I'm not coping adequately. My S.O. utterly depends on me for everything, so, if I'm not taking care of stuff properly, he gets short-changed. Then I have to consider telling his family, or his social worker at the VA, that other arrangements have to be made for him. That's a scary proposition. To send someone to a nursing home right now is a dreadful option. Tomorrow I'll get a call from a VA social worker, since I left a message for her today. I have to say I'll keep caring for him, or I won't. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow and just go on with what I've been doing.

I went to work today and felt very depressed. I don't know why. It has to be that Corona Crisis going on. It's making everyone feel that way. I read a good article about why it's normal to feel this way during the crisis. Also it's just very slow and draggy at work. I know I feel privileged being about to go to work as of now. There are times when I want to stay home. If I call in sick, then people think that something's up with me.

At the end of the work day, I felt better. I have been feeling very tired these days also. I did a workout with my alternative band resistance instead of the weights. I still miss the weights that I worked out with. I had to give it up because some neighbors complained when I was using it.

[Spirit of Trees]

Feeling better than last week I guess. But very physically tired.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Spirit of Trees

Feeling better than last week I guess. But very physically tired.

I wish that I felt like this.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling depressed again.

[TishaBuv]

Down. It’s time to accept the way things are. So depressed and trapped.

[puzzclar]

I'm to the point of don't you dare ask me how I am.

It's not a good place to be in. I just wish physically I felt better

I felt better today than yesterday. Busier today at work than yesterday, but still pretty boring, though I do like my job. Tuesdays seem to be better than Mondays.

[Rose76]

I talked to my PCP today. She was more understanding than I expected. She gave me an advance on my Vicodin prescription. That plus the Ritalin I just got refilled helped me pull out of the miserable rut I was in. Now I'm feeling not too bad.

[puzzclar]

I want my phone to ring!!! Of course from the right person. I am in pain and I want away from pain.

[Yzen]

Not sure how I feel right now. Maybe better than last week.

Very boring day today along with feeling discouraged about the Corona Crisis progress. Little things happened to lift my spirits a bit today.

[Desoxyn]

I was ok with my dreams. But they're the same dreams every single night for years. Standing up to myself in school and being myself. They're starting to become horrible nightmares and are destroying my wakefulness.

Slow at work today, but I guess that has to be expected.

I told someone at work of a place I was planning to check out to see if I want to move there in the future. I told her the place and she looked it all up. Afterwards, she told me that what she read of that place, it sounded terrible. I felt like she was shooting down my dream. I knew that there were some things about that place that I might not like. No place to live is ever going to be perfect. I can't say that she's totally wrong because I haven't been to that place yet. But I may go there and either like it or not. There always has to be somebody to shoot down future plans no matter what it is. That upset me for most of the day.

[puzzclar]

Today was intense. Started off rough with my thinking then a trip to the ER and released without talking to the doctor just before I left. And I talked with my med provider and few changes. Which I am happy about. But being in pain is no fun!!! Not getting things done doesn't help.

But the main thing is that I am safe

[MimiBhaduri0]

Originally Posted by puzzclar

I want my phone to ring!!! Of course from the right person. I am in pain and I want away from pain.

I can relate, hugs.

[3rd rock]

I called in sick to work today due to the toxic work environment making my depression at work much worse. Yesterday the rampant favouritism and marginalization made me feel very sad and angry. I'm sick of other people who are very lazy and mean taking advantage of my work ethic and credit for my hard work. I'm also sick of many others who all work much less hard than me being given opportunities that I'm not. They know that I don't like my current assignment, but they keep me there every day even while others are given opportunities, sometimes permanent, to work in other assignments. Management insists that I should be thankful just to be working there at all, and react very angrily at the suggestion the company is not paradise on Earth. I feel like I have no way out. My psychiatrist has been saying I need to find a job elsewhere, although he acknowledges this is impossible right now due to mass unemployment and businesses closed due to Coronavirus. But I also can't withstand the toxic work environment and the bullying. I have nowhere else to go, but I can't stay. I have no way out of this. I've been trying to push through it until my writing career takes off, but that seems like it'll never happen.