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why do i even come on here anymore?! what's the point of anything anymore?! nothing works, nothing improves, no one cares, there's too much s**t, i can't take all this anymore, who cares what happens next......

i'm all alone, stuck in a fight i can't win, forced into another battle-fight that i've got nothing left for other than to watch it all go to h**l and scar me for life; drowning in a world where i don't know what life is anymore, and enduring way more trauma/pain/s**t than anyone will ever know

I care and you are not alone. I have been where you are. I hear you and I am listening as much as you want to talk.

Dear jrae, It's just too much for you. Anyone would feel defeated with all you've had to deal with. God bless you! I hope things start improving soon. Meanwhile, we have each other here at PC. Like TheSadGirl says, you are not alone. Lots of hugs to you!!

someone just please tell me what the h**l I'm suppose to do?!?! I have no f-ing idea anymore.....


Friday will be my 36th doc appt in 37.5 weeks!!! and of those 36, 28 are brain-injury related ones! and for a reference, I had five the entire all last year!

it's destroying me from the inside out! (destroying probably isn't the best word but it gets the point across) can I really forego treatment on my brain cuz the rest of me literally can't take it?!?!?

Dear jrae, It really is terrible, the way things are being handled. But no, you can't forego treatment on your brain. You need your brain to help you with the other stuff. Lots of hugs & love to you!!

what do you mean????

Hi, jrae! What I mean is that most of your doc appts (28 visits in about 9 months time) are brain injury related. And only 8 visits for other things, like your mental health? Your mental health is obviously suffering! Or maybe I'm misunderstanding (which makes things even worse). If that's the case, can you please accept my apology?

to Breaking Dawn, let me apologize to you! nothing wrong on your end, this one is on me!!!

I was referring only to physical health/medicine! so in less than 9 months, I've had 28 appts for my brain-injury, along with 5 for my low-back & 2 for my neck & 1 for my finger!!! (spine injuries and I almost broke my finger) for a total of 36.

on the other hand, in that same 9 months I've had 8 mental health appts (number 9 will be this week). but that's somewhat misleading, as once I had three in three weeks and another time I had two in fifteen days. I also went over 3 months without seeing my T, as I needed a break to calm down my emotions.

taking into account what I've been thru in those 9 months, my T has really dropped the ball with me in terms of my mental health! and I'm pissed. (hence the break) they are aware of let's just say almost 75% of things and still this happens: I flat out told them, "I need your help - I need to get off this road I'm on cuz it's killing me'. (and that was like two months ago - tons has happened since) and still they let me leave without knowing when I'd be back (or IF for that matter), and have no problem going 4 to 6 or so weeks inbetween visits!

it seems to me if anyone with depression said something along those lines, that professionals would MAKE extra time for that person! but that's just me. also consider I don't open up much IRL, probably have never said to them "I need your help", and a couple times this year I was almost screaming for help (didn't say the words). once they worked me in within a week, but only cuz I directly requested them to - this was after my aunt died.

it's a no win situation, literally any way you look at it. the ONLY person who could do something to help would be my T - but they would have to realize things and put forth that extra effort.
cuz like you said and what I realize is I HAVE to continue treatment for my brain injury. at what 'expense' (in terms of the rest of me), I have no idea - yet

i think my mind is shutting down!

it's like it's a survival-mode thing, or something like that. like nothing else matters except what is literally right in front of me: survival things and my brain injury! no people or birthdays or holidays or parties or events or things like that matter any more. my mind simply can't handle it, all that 'other' stuff.

You come here bc you still hold out hope for a better life. That shows how strong you are.

The point of things is dependent upon how you view them and react to them

I have done the issue after issue fight before. If you ever wanna chat, just message me.

You are a good person
You are stronger than you think

This is what happens when you are in the issue after issue scenario too long. There is nothing wrong with you - your brain is just trying to slow down intake one thing at a time but the weed world around you refuses to slow down.

I hope that makes sense.

Hugs n love to you!

unfortunately there is no slowing down!

the next three weeks will be brutal for me! I'm busy literally every other day, including two 5 hour trips and one two-day 4-hour (one-way) trip! the last one is my baby nephew's bday party, which I would never hear the end of if I missed it!!! and in this stretch is also one-side-of-the-family Christmas and my immediate family Christmas!

I'm drowning and no one see it......


and next week I have two EXTREMELY important doc appts - and how they go will determine my future schedule of appts.....

I am unsure if it was you who scheduled yourself to be this busy, or if it just kinda happened. If you scheduled it this way, try to give yourself more time in between in future. No matter what though, you need to prioritize in this situation. Figure out what are "the most important" things you have to do - and concentrate on getting those done. If you get the others done on time or a little after time, it doesn't matter. Just put your focus on the important things.

*hugs*