At the end of my rope, I feel trapped.

Hello Everyone,

I am not sure what to say other than I feel extremely hopeless. I started not feeling like myself around three and a half months ago. Nothing is interesting to me and I feel absolutely no joy or comfort. Everyday is a 24/7 hell. I know something is very wrong but I have trouble reaching out and if I do I don’t feel like people can really help me. Over the years I had one inpatient hospitalization and most recently an outpatient program I went to. Neither helped me. Over the years I have tried almost every anti depressant, mood stabilizer, and anti psychotic in addition to Tms. This time is the worst ever and not a day goes by when I don’t think of suicide or how I am going to do it. I can’t think straight. I feel like my thoughts are out of order and feel I am spinning out of control. I still go to work, shower, eat when I can, and take care of my cat. Has anyone else had this experience? What do you do when you feel you’re out of options?

I have felt like this many times. I was hospitalized (inpatient) 3 times, and have made an attempt before. Meds didn't help me either. What helped me the most was an outpatient program, a small group session led by a psychologist based on CBT. Depression is a heavy fog that prevents clear thinking. But please know that you belong on this Earth. Professional help can certainly feel like a waste of effort when you're at the bottom of that well, but no one can climb out of it alone. Please call someone as soon as you can, even if it's a crisis hotline.