[WantPeaceofMind]

I literally have lost any joy. It makes me really sad that I have a dog who is like a child to me. I have made some serious mistakes in my life and my dog is being dragged through it. I am completely hopeless. I am very self conscious. I attempted a suicide because I felt I could not cope with another breakdown after having several in the past. One of my brothers told everyone in my family. I know family want to know and be caring. I could not cope with this and still struggle. Makes it hard to visit with family because the severe shame. Makes ruminate every waking moment on how wish how if i had not done and that i would not be more depressed and anxious I honestly can not get any relief from everything. I have seen several counselors who all say the past is the past and accept it. My conscious will not let menlive it down. I have seriously given up my hygiene and all other self care. The only I do right is take my meds, because I don't want to with draw from them walk my dog out of guilt that i solated literally hiding in bed for weeks. I am barely getting by in life. I think I am so mentally ill to keep coping scared what other stupid mistakes I might make based on how i feel about things.

[LilyMop]

I think everybody experiences really low points at times. You have someone who needs you and loves you and is counting on you right now, your dog. Sometimes I pull through the hard times for the sake of a loved one who is counting on me. I don’t always want to do it for myself but I will do it for those I love and your dog is as much a family member as any person. Give your dog lots of hugs and love and long walks as you work through this hard time. Your dog will give you all that love back and then some. I wish you all the best.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you are having such a difficult struggle. You mentioned having made some serious mistakes in your life. I have done so as well. And I've made two major suicide attempts of my own. I guess I'm fortunate, in a sense, that I don't have any extended family to know about my circumstances. I don't think much about my efforts to remove myself from this level of reality, so to speak. (I do ruminate constantly about some of those serious mistakes however.)

I know the past is in the past, as the counselors told you, & I should forget it. But some things are not easily forgotten. I guess the one advantage I have is that, despite it all, I am able to make myself get up every day & do what needs to be done. Many years ago my father was fond of saying: "You're not required to like it. You're just required to do it." I have taken that as my mantra. I hope that, in some way, you can find peace with your past as well as a way to move forward into your future.

[WantPeaceofMind]

Thank you for your reply. Im glad that you are still here to tell your story. I do try to give my do as much attention as I can. Im trying to get through what call my life. I like the mantra you use. That is a good one I am sure I heard my parents say that but my growing up wasn't the greatest I could've used more love and encouragement instead of a sharp tongue well some physical abuse. I spent 6 years in foster care to be adopted. I needed more love after being taken from neglectful parents to homes I didn't know very well. Then get adopted to get necessities but needed more emotional love.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by WantPeaceofMind

I literally have lost any joy. It makes me really sad that I have a dog who is like a child to me. I have made some serious mistakes in my life and my dog is being dragged through it. I am completely hopeless. I am very self conscious. I attempted a suicide because I felt I could not cope with another breakdown after having several in the past. One of my brothers told everyone in my family. I know family want to know and be caring. I could not cope with this and still struggle. Makes it hard to visit with family because the severe shame. Makes ruminate every waking moment on how wish how if i had not done and that i would not be more depressed and anxious I honestly can not get any relief from everything. I have seen several counselors who all say the past is the past and accept it. My conscious will not let menlive it down. I have seriously given up my hygiene and all other self care. The only I do right is take my meds, because I don't want to with draw from them walk my dog out of guilt that i solated literally hiding in bed for weeks. I am barely getting by in life. I think I am so mentally ill to keep coping scared what other stupid mistakes I might make based on how i feel about things.

I feel like this all the time. You are not alone. Everyone feel depressed at some point in their life.

[bpcyclist]

I basically feel exactly this way much of the time, at least when I am not manic and psychotic--which is a lot.