[Twitch99]

I just want to give up. I am tired of people saying "If you just do....." thinking that somehow will magically make me better. Everytime I have tried to seek help from a therapist it has eventually ended badly. My last one said he couldn't help me and recommended IOP. The IOP facility, which I paid a lot of money for, ended up calling the cops. No one wants to treat my MANY problems as a whole. I'm suicidal because I'm depressed. I'm depressed because I'm suicidal. In patient only wants to "keep me safe". They don't want to treat my depression and suicide. Those hospitals are very traumatizing to me. Yet I'm told the only way I can get better is if I check myself into a hospital. Due to government regulations if I do this I will lose my job. My wife keeps pushing for it though. Even though she knows how I feel about it. Would you tell a rape victim "The only way you can get better is if you go back and live with your rapist."? I am just ready to quit. No understands that i am broken beyond repair. Maybe at 1 point I wasn't, but now I have been broken and smashed into so many pieces that there is no way for me to be put back together.

[Mopey]

Don’t give up darling. There is always hope.

((( HUGS HUGS )))

[CTFarmboy]

I hear you. I suffer from severe depression and bi-polar as well. I had a government job that required a security clearance. So, secrecy about my condition/s was very important if I wanted to maintain my high paying job. I wake up thinking about dying and I go to bed thinking about dying. I could not use my government provided medical insurance without divulging I was seeing a therapist. So, I went to see a doctor (for cash, no insurance) that evaluated me and put me on two medications called Samphris and Lithium. After going to about 10 sessions over a period of 10 weeks, I was diagnosed as MDD and Bi-polar I. I had deep seated emotions about an abusive childhood, alcoholic parents and sexual abuse. My therapist keep going back to work problems that I was having and was trying to get me to say I wanted to hurt people I worked with. I am not stupid, I know where that bus was going... straight to compulsory treatment for an unspecified period of time. Which would also make me loose my job. While it was true I had deep seated emotions against some supervisors; I only fantasized about it in my head. I would never act on those emotions. I was ONLY a danger to myself! My whole adult life my friends have told me NEVER, EVER go to a shrink because it never ends well. I agreed to go to a facility to help me when I was as close to offing myself as I have ever been. It was voluntary after all. After I checked in, they took away almost all of my personal possessions I had brought with me. Instantly, I realized I had been duped by my therapist. I had entered a "lock-down" facility and was treated just short of being incarcerated (but all the exit doors were locked). I lied my way out of there giving the therapist all the answers he was looking to hear. The very next day after getting out of treatment I woke up in a hospital ICU with a breathing machine attached to me and my wrists tied to the arm rails of my hospital bed . You can fill in the blank! I felt totally defeated and betrayed by the very people I sought help from. I like your rape victim analogy very much. Everyone around you say's things like, "Just tough it out" or "There, there it can't be all that bad". You have probably seen an old saying, "Once I gave up all hope, things got better". You are NEVER, EVER too broken or broken beyond repair. Sometimes the answer is to just find a reason to exist. Or, to put one foot in front of the other and keep going for someone else. Trust me, no matter how screwed up you think you are... there is always someone else worst off! Take care, and find a reason... my friend!

[CTFarmboy]

I wrote you a detailed note relating my difficulties with therapy. It has to get past the moderator. My answer in short... find a reason to exist for someone else. If only to mentor another person like yourself; only more messed up! Therapists are good for psych patients with straight forward ailments. Ailments which have co-morbidity's seem to be just too much work for them! They really piss me off when they sit there taking notes and they constantly stare at the clock above your head. It really makes you feel like they are concerned for your welfare, NOT!