[LundiHvalursson]

When I say empiricism, I mean using the pattern of history and past results as an indicator and/or influencer of present and future results. As in my other threads, I am 30 and still a virgin plus have never had a girlfriend. I have a 100% rejection rate and 100% failure in anything relating to dating. As in, not even in one instance has anything worked out up to now.

I wonder if my mindset of empiricism and focussing on all of my failures is part of the problem. However, I am obsessed with statistics and numerical facts, and the fact is that 100% of the time I have failed in dating and related areas. Based on this data, what is the actual probability of any success in the future? Sometimes it seems overoptimistic to expect better results given these numbers.

Statistics indicate as well that having Asperger's decreases dramatically the probability of success in dating, in addition to having a history of a 100% dating failure record at age 30.

I may be analysing these data numbers too closely like Microsoft Excel, but based on numerical statistics, how do I stop falling into depression like I did when I was around ages 23-25 when I did not talk to a woman in any social setting at all during those years? Am I basing my bad results too much on statistics and carrying these statistics into the future too much such that becomes like a self-fulfilling prophecy? Should I just stop thinking about empirical statistics and just try my best as if from a clean slate?

[sarahsweets]

When you say 100% failure rate do you mean that failing is not getting a date or having a GF? Is there a standard for not failing? Like having a girl talk to you in conversation and not immediately rejecting you? Or agreeing to a date and canceling? Or maybe an online communication that doesnt pan out? I am just curious.

[luvyrself]

Sarah herself objects to quizzes and labels that limit us. It may not be totally accurate and everyone is different, but I hope you can take a look at the TV show the Good Doctor online ABC TV from America. This TV show is about an Aspergers young man who breaks barriers personally (finding a girlfriend) and professionally. He is a brilliant surgeon who fought for his job as a surgeon tho some administrators wanted him to work in pathology because of some awkwardness in dealing with people.
Today people have more open minds about personal diversity than they did years ago. Dont let a bunch of statistics limit you. Had a man previously landed on the moon? No, but that didnt make him avoid trying. We have other TV shows in America about little people and Downs syndrome people dating and marrying. Have a mentor or supporters like us on PC and go for what you want!!!! People get hurt going after their goals, so plan how you will deal with the rough spots as well as the successes. We're with you!

[LundiHvalursson]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

When you say 100% failure rate do you mean that failing is not getting a date or having a GF? Is there a standard for not failing? Like having a girl talk to you in conversation and not immediately rejecting you? Or agreeing to a date and canceling? Or maybe an online communication that doesnt pan out? I am just curious.

I define "failure" as a couple things, viz. not having a successful first date, and not having a girlfriend. Whilst I could call failure as not getting a date at all, in very rare circumstances I have, e.g. from 2016-2019 I have averaged only one date per year, but a first date means nothing if it leads to nowhere.

I suppose that I could regard failure as not having a conversation without rejection, but usually the conversation breaks down in a few minutes. I rarely ask women out in the first place, since it always feels awkward and counter-intuitive to me. But if I did consider it a failure, I do fail in conversations as well.

[luvyrself]

Try to draw the other person out. Get them to talk about themselves without asking embarrassing questions. Practice this with someone. This is far more interesting than talking about ourselves all the time, tho many of us do this.
One step at a time. Practice meeting people and conversations. Dating comes later. Who might b a good mentor for you? Maybe an Aspergers guy on this forum. Hugs!

[unaluna]

Halvy, do you know the joke about the mathematician, the engineer, and the beautiful woman at the other end of the tunnel?

The two gentlemen are both told they can only travel half the remaining distance to get to the lady at a time, but they can try as many times as they want.

The mathematician gave up immediately, saying its mathematically impossible to ever reach her!

The engineer took off at a sprint, agreeing, but adding, "i can get close enough for all practical purposes!"

So...

[Serpentine Leaf]

There are lots of women on the spectrum too who will understand the way your mind works, and will be patient and forgiving with any Aspie quirks because they share them too. And not all NTs are as judgemental as is easy to believe. Wear your data nerd badge with pride, but also remember that numbers don't tell the whole story. Previous lack of success doesn't mean that what you're attempting is impossible; it only means that some variable was not right. Changing the variables changes the equation.